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October 9, 2017 | by  | in Horoscope |
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HOROSCOPES

We would like to take this opportunity to thank our readers for trusting us with their lives and futures. Our final horoscopes offer advice for you star babies to embrace as you travel through the rest of your time on beautiful planet Earth. Maybe not much longer… @DPRK @DonaldTrump

— Aubergine and Celeste

 

Libra (Sep 23–Oct 22)

You have spent the last 13 months jazzing up your life and as Jupiter leaves Libra you will spend the next eleven years reaping those rewards (hopefully). While you do, remember to floss cause it’s really important.

 

Scorpio (Oct 23–Nov 21)

Oh m8, Jupiter moves into Scorpio this month meaning the next 13 months are YOUR TIME TO SHINE. Just please try and remember to not be a dick to the people you care about in this next year of you being even more self-absorbed than usual.

 

Sagittarius (Nov 22–Dec 21)

A great way to not piss everyone off is to carry candy around in your pocket at all times. An even better way is to try and be a bit more patient and tactful when you tell your friends what’s wrong with them.

 

Capricorn (Dec 22–Jan 19)

This past year of hustle is about to pay off for you! If you’ve been thinking about moving, the ~energy~ from the full moon last week will guide you! We know you’re eternally busy but please remember to take care of yourself and stay hydrated. Get out there and enjoy an exciting new connection with someone ;)

 

Aquarius (Jan 20–Feb 18)

You should wake up every single morning to the The 5th Dimension’s “Age of Aquarius”. Not only is it a complete inspirational ’70s banger, it also mentions your star sign. How fun is that?

 

Pisces (Feb 19–Mar 20)

What’s better than one fish? Two fish. Be like a fish and forget everything you know about life, learn to swim, and start smelling a bit.

 

Aries (Mar 21–Apr 19)

If at first you don’t succeed try again, but if you fail a fourth time maybe stop trying? There’s only a certain amount of failure one can take. Learn to let go.

 

Taurus (Apr 20–May 20)

If you haven’t already this year — get healthy!!! Work some self-care into your routine boo. Cut out acidic foods from your diet. Spread your wings! A new chapter of independence and inspiration awaits you!

 

Gemini (May 21–Jun 20)

Gemini, looks like you are going to have some unlucky times in love. Nothing new for you though, eh? Soldier on through, because things should sort themselves out by Christmas. Or don’t soldier on through if you want to be #single for Christ’s birthday. Good luck deciding xx

 

Cancer (Jun 21–Jul 22)

Get ready to let your charisma flow, Cancer. Your flirtatiousness will pay off with potential career opportunities coming your way! Network binch! Go with the momentum of last week’s full moon in Aries and you could see yourself excelling at work, maybe even landing a promotion!

 

Leo (Jul 23–Aug 22)

Yikes Leo, with Jupiter in Scorpio and your domestic fourth house from Tuesday, you’ll be pushed to spice up your home life, either through decorating your house with cute ornaments of woodland creatures or moving to a totally new part of town (but don’t live in Aro Valley, js).

 

Virgo (Aug 23–Sep 22)

This week Jupiter is moving itself into Scorpio and your third house of cooperation. Now is a great time to manifest your goals, and you’ll be given plenty of support in doing so! Live by the example of our Lord and saviour, Cardi B. Don’t hold back because remember, your pussy glitter as gold.

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