Viewport width =
March 12, 2018 | by  | in *News* News |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

20 Things Older Than 20yr Old VUWSA President Marlon Drake

An in-depth and hard-hitting journalistic investigation executed by Salient has uncovered that VUWSA President Marlon Drake is but a peppy 20 years of age. In no particular order, a list of 20 things that the not at all existentially-fraught and bitter twenty-somethings in the Salient office have judged to be older than young Master Drake:

• Former VUWSA President Rory Lenihan-Ikin’s moustache

• The soy milk sitting in the Salient fridge

• The course outline for most 100-papers

• The insulation in most Wellington flats

• Old cans of VB sitting next to my bed

• Ciggie butts stubbed out by former Salient editors outside the Hunter Building

• Winston Peters’ bottle of office scotch

• The 1079 unread emails in my inbox

• The Wellington rental crisis

• Harvey Weinstein’s career of sexual assault

• Sir Geoffrey Palmer’s entire wardrobe

• The razor in my shower that is growing mould and appears to have been there since before I moved in

• The most recent Windows update

• Bitcoin

• The stain on my couch from when my flatmate vomited on it in first year

• South Sudan as a country

• The four most recent Gucci Mane mixtapes

• The bottle of 2015 Vintage Merlot that the Salient Chief News Reporter slugged back with alarming speed as he contributed to this listicle

• The new Victoria University science building

• Jacinda Ardern’s baby

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Add Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Recent posts

  1. SWAT
  2. Ravished by the Living Embodiment of All Our University Woes
  3. New Zealand’s First Rainbow Crossing is Here (and Queer)
  4. Chloe Has a Yarn About Mental Health
  5. “Stick with Vic” Makes “Insulting” and “Upsetting” Comments
  6. Presidential Address
  7. Final Review
  8. Tears Fall, and Sea Levels Rise
  9. It’s Fall in my Heart
  10. Queer Coverage: Local, National, and International LGBTQIA+ News
Website-Cover-Photo7

Editor's Pick

This Ain’t a Scene it’s a Goddamned Arm Wrestle

: Interior – Industrial Soviet Beerhall – Night It was late November and cold as hell when I stumbled into the Zhiguli Beer Hall. I was in Moscow, about to take the trans-Mongolian rail line to Beijing, and after finding someone in my hostel who could speak English, had decided