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March 19, 2018 | by  | in *News* News Splash |
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First Years Readjust Ambitions, from Psychologist to Life Coach

There has been a 98% drop in the number of first year students majoring in Psychology after attending the first two lectures of Stats193.

A requirement for majoring in Psychology is the ability to analyse data and trends, but according to first-year resident at Te Puni, and former Psychology major Harry Benson, that’s “just a bit much”.

“Yeah nah I didn’t really know what I wanted to do at uni so I just put down Psych, but Stats is fucked, I’m switching to Philosophy,” Benson said.

The Heads of School for History, Philosophy, Political Science and International Relations has reported a massive influx of students from the Law and Architecture faculties this week.

Vic Books have reported making a “fucking killing” this year, selling PSYC121 texts to guileless first years in O-Week, then claiming the inability to process refunds due to “hackers shutting down the server and demanding a ransom in Bitcoin“.

61% of those who dropped the major report having already bought the required text for Introduction to Psychology 1, priced at $142.99.

Benji Whyte, ex-Psychology major from Weir House, wasn’t phased by the wasted money. “Oh it’s not too bad, Mum said she’d pay me back.”

The 2% of first years that are persevering with Psychology, and so necessarily with Statistics, have been described by their former classmates as “absolute madmen”.

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