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March 19, 2018 | by  | in *News* News Splash |
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Hunter Lounge Raking in Business as Reality Sets In

As the second week of lectures drew to a close, Victoria University’s’ own Hunter Lounge has nearly tripled their profits.

Due to the reality of assignments, tutorials, and two-hour long lectures truly hitting home, the number of students using their course-related costs to get absolutely shit wrecked at Hunter has increased significantly.

Compared to the first week of classes, where most students were still labouring under the impression that this year would be different, it seems that last week people finally realised that this year will present the same shit in a different toilet, and nobody is finding the concept particularly appealing.

The temptation of a $10 jug of New Zealand’s weakest beer and even cheaper pizzas has the venue packed to the rafters.

“Look, if it’s between going to my two-hour 300lvl Pols lecture that’s based around ‘discussing with the person next to you,’ and getting rekt on beer that tastes like watered down urine, the choice is obvious,” said fifth year Political Science major Jade Greyton.

Accompanied by the fact that you can smoke as many darts as you desire on the balcony (provided Campus Care don’t turn up to piss on the parade), many students are flocking to the venue to drown their sorrows and pretend they’ll definitely 100% attend their lectures next week.

From last week’s inundation of punters alone, it’s easy to see that the Hunter Lounge is a great alternative to getting the education you paid for.

Or haven’t paid for, if you’re first year. Not that anyone is bitter about that. They’re not. It’s fine. Seriously. It’s FINE.

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