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April 9, 2018 | by  | in *News* Splash |
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Ardern’s New Zealand

The Kremlin was found culpable for an attempted assassination in Britain last month, after Prime Minister Theresa May put forth compelling evidence of “No Shit”. Announcing the expulsion of several Russian diplomats from the U.K., she urged her allies to take similar punitive measures.

Not knowing the definition of the word “punitive”, Donald Trump is commemorating the attack with the Oval Office’s first ever Bring Your Boss To Work Day — extending an invitation to the White House for Vladimir Putin.

Fed up with being considered inconsequential on the world stage, New Zealand attempted to expel some Russian spies of our own — a mission cut short when we were unable to find any.

If there were any spies “we would have already taken action,” said Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern.

Ardern has applauded popular Facebook page “Does New Zealand Exist?” for their successful disinformation campaign that may have dissuaded any intelligence officials from attempting to gather information here.

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

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