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April 16, 2018 | by  | in *News* |
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Pākehā New Zealanders Defence of Racism Limited to Googling Word “racism”

White people across the country are confident that exactly 16 seconds of googling the term “racism” outweighs the lived experience of thousands, and the weight of several entire academic fields.

In a country which just released promotional rugby material based around the Taranaki Land Wars, Kiwi director Taika Waititi’s recent comments that New Zealand is “racist as fuck” has revealed that a swathe of the population has no interest in a structural analysis of racial discrimination.

A statistical analysis of all Stuff, New Zealand Herald, and Radio New Zealand Facebook posts since Waititi’s tweet has demonstrated that approximately 77% of the comments section was a copy of the first result to come up under “racism definition” on Google.

Another 10% was using mental gymnastics to explain how “actually” Waititi was the racist; another 5% used “bootstraps” rhetoric; the remainder was a mix of racist slurs and, inexplicably, homophobia.

Regular Stuff article comments contributor, Brian MacCartney from Winton, rose above the pack however. Happy to spend another 30 seconds on Google, he provided important statistics about the incarceration rate of Māori in New Zealand.

“Maori [sic] make up 50% of the prison population here but only 12% of the general population for God’s sakes! If they stopped feeling sorry for themselves and asking for handouts maybe they would get somewhere.”

Renowned intellectual Duncan Garner weighed in too, only to be rebuked by almost everyone in the immediate vicinity and hopefully also everyone he knows and loves. Unfortunately, reports are inconclusive on the latter.

When asked for comment, Waititi attempted to answer but only managed a prolonged frustrated groan before laying facedown on his desk.

*Disclaimer: This is shit news.*

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