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May 21, 2018 | by  | in *News* |
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Britain’s Digital Economy Act Ruins Fun Nation Wide

In 2017, Britain approved the Digital Economy Act – a bill that will bring in a multitude of laws regarding the internet and pornography in 2018. With the changes brought by the new bill, Government officials have assured citizens that no one will be able to have any fun at all.

Alongside installing age checks on pornographic websites, the Digital Economy Act would censor any sexual material that the Government deems “unconventional”, including but not limited to female ejaculation, fisting, public sex, and spanking that leaves a mark. Some of the qualifiers for what counts as indecent include “it’s not fisting if you can still see a thumb”, and urinating on someone is allowed, as long as the urine is not aimed at someone or consumed.*

Uncensored material include a nice chat, holding hands, quiet missionary sex at 9pm, and going to church.

In order to confirm users are of age on pornographic sites, the industry has been told it must find ways to verify ages through software. A proposal to make a “porn pass” available for purchase at newsagents has been offered as a solution. Another solution offered is to create a time machine where — for a price — citizens can be transported back to the 1980s and go into BlockBuster to purchase their porn themselves. This second option seems to be gaining the most traction among the public, with one woman quoted saying “if they’re gunna suck all the fun out of porn, I may as well get to go back in time and enjoy shitty softcore porn in a different era”.
*I just really want everyone who reads the *News* to know that in this one paragraph, this one time, I am not talking shit. This is all true. And I need you all to know that.

**Disclaimer: This is shit news.*

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