Viewport width =
May 14, 2018 | by  | in *News* |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

Kanye “Free Thinking is a Super Power” West

Ancient philosopher, musician, and birth child of the 808 system, Kanye “Watch This” West has risen from his year in the woods without social media and human contact (Kim Kardashian is yet to be confirmed as 100% human).

During his alone time in the woods, Kanye has discovered that slavery in America was a choice, and any participant could have opted out at any given time. “Long hours, unfulfilling work, and horrible meals? It’s just like a school club. Why did people sign up? Lol,” said Long Meat Marcus, one convinced hip-hop head.

“I mean it just makes perfect sense, why didn’t we think of this before?” explained Marcus over the smokey fumes of his now incinerated ancestors’ antiques from their high school club.

West could possibly be creating controversy for hype to accompany his upcoming album in June — an album which is eagerly awaited by Donald Trump and the 17 other people who are struggling to still support West.

West also discovered how to sample the sound of time, and the right amount of cheese to put in a toastie. The public is eagerly awaiting his discovery of how to shut the fuck up.

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Add Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Recent posts

  1. Issue 21, Vol 81: Looking Back
  2. Foraging Video Recipes
  3. 5 TV Shows that *Might* Fool Others into Thinking You’re a History Wunderkid
  4. Books With Protagonists Our Age (That Don’t Suck)
  5. Changing Tides
  6. In Defense of the Shitty Sci-Fi Sequel
  7. Avantdale Bowling Club
  8. Medium Playback
  9. The International Angle
  10. The Poo Review
Website-Cover-Photo7

Editor's Pick

This Ain’t a Scene it’s a Goddamned Arm Wrestle

: Interior – Industrial Soviet Beerhall – Night It was late November and cold as hell when I stumbled into the Zhiguli Beer Hall. I was in Moscow, about to take the trans-Mongolian rail line to Beijing, and after finding someone in my hostel who could speak English, had decided