Viewport width =
May 7, 2018 | by  | in Opinion VUWSA |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

VUWSA

My names Rhianna and I’m me.

I could never articulate how my last relationship changed me, until I was introduced to the term “gaslighting” on 27 February 2018.

Gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt themselves and ultimately lose their own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth.

Toxic relationships fucking suck. They suck up your friends. Family. Eventually they swallow you up whole. I always imagined my ex-dude sitting on a throne, something out of a Vikings TV series, and he was bestowed on some moral fucking high ground I could never reach. It was a climb. And with every step I had to leave something behind.

First it was your “whore” friends who encouraged you to flirt with other dudes in town.

Second it was your “whore” clothes because god-forbid other dudes might see your curves.

Thirdly it was your best dude friend because you always flirt with him.

Fourthly it was your beliefs because you can’t take a simple joke. And finally, you reach the top and realise — what a fucking wasteland. Empty. Everything is so empty.

When we broke up, I felt exactly that — broken. I was nothing. I had nothing. For months, I searched for the answers at the end of bottles until I remembered something. My tattoo. Under my heart, the quote reads “I am not searching for my other half, for I am complete”.

Fuck this. And fuck that dude for making me suppress every single thing about what makes Rhi, Rhi. Three fucking years of my life I spent climbing. Climbing to meet someone else’s expectations at the top. I love my friends. I fucking love my curves. Every day I am consciously making decisions that embody everything Rhi.

My names Rhianna and I am 6 months me.

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Comments are closed.

Recent posts

  1. Storytime: Angst, Agony, and Adorable Babies in Teen Mom YouTube
  2. VUWSA Responds to Provost’s Mid-Year Assessment Changes
  3. Te Papa’s Squid is Back and Better Than Ever
  4. Draft Sexual Harassment Policy Consultation Seeing Mixed Responses
  5. Vigil Held For Victims of Sri Lankan Easter Sunday Attacks
  6. Whakahokia te reo mai i te mata o te pene, ki te mata o te arero – Te Wharehuia Milroy Dies Aged 81
  7. Eye on the Exec – 20/05
  8. Critic to Launch Hostile Takeover of BuzzFeed
  9. Issue 10 – Like and Subscribe
  10. An Overdue Lesson in Anatomy

Editor's Pick

Burnt Honey

: First tutorial of the year. When I open the door, I underestimate my strength, thinking it to be all used up in my journey here. It swings open violently and I trip into the room where awkward gazes greet me. Frozen, my legs are lead and I’m stuck on display for too long. My ov