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July 30, 2018 | by  | in *News* |
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Tanning Salons Sponsor Exchange Students

A group of tanning salons in Wellington have sponsored two scholarships for exchange students from Valletta, Malta and Yuma, Arizona. The goal of the scholarship is “to raise awareness of the health and happiness benefits of being tanned,” said a spokesperson for the group.
An ad from the salons stated the following: “We know that winter in Wellington is tough. Pale skin becomes sallow and pasty. But there’s an easy solution to this! Our beds offer 5 sensuous settings.” Salient asked the spokesperson how the exchange students were to allude to the salons. “We’ve got them to memorize the ad. They just need to make it sound casual.”
“It’s a good deal,” said Abele Bacho, an exchange student from the University of Malta. “Flights and accommodation were paid, plus we get a stipend.”
Notably, the sponsored students were asked to display as much tanned skin as possible. As Bacho spoke, goosebumps rippled across his arms, clad only in a thin singlet.
It is expected that a similar scholarship will be offered for Trimester 1, so that bronzed Southern Hemisphere students can incite jealousy in high northern latitudes.
“It’s genius marketing,” said Elaine Makmur, a commerce student with only her hands and face exposed to the elements.

“Seeing these [students] makes me dream of melanin.”

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

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