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August 6, 2018 | by  | in *News* |
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Vic Merch Value Skyrockets

Hoodies, sweatshirts, and coffee mugs labelled “Victoria University of Wellington” are flying off the shelves following the name change debate from the board. Students have been crowding Vic Deals, (soon to be Welly Deals) for “Victoria University” merch before the name is changed forever. Callum Turnbull told us he was actually frightened to wear his Victoria University hoodie that he purchased in first year. “I can’t walk home late at night now, someone might try to steal this 2013 vintage Victoria Uni hoodie. They don’t make these bad boys anymore.” Turnbull went on to try and sell us his secondhand hoodie for a slab of VBs, a Vic Books 10% discount voucher, and an undisclosed amount of narcotics. The black market of Vic Uni merchandise has been flourishing since the name change debacle, and reportedly put students at risk of theft.

For the last few months, the university board has alerted the public about their intent to change the name of the university to “eliminate confusion for potential overseas students”. Overseas students have been reportedly flabbergasted to find that the great Victorian University that they requested isn’t located in Kelburn, New Zealand. Marcus Longmeat reportedly complained to the university that he was mislead in his enrolment process. “You mean to tell me Queen Victoria didn’t actually go here and all I get is Grant Guilford who used to be a vet? Not even a Vietnam vet, an animal-fixer vet.”

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

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