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September 17, 2018 | by  | in Editorial |
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Editor’s Letter

Lovely Louise really carried the editing of this edition for us, we can’t take credit — but the Welfare Team is occupying this space because we were the force behind Sex in the Hub. It’s been a bit of a labour of love, but here’s what pushed us to make motions on sexual wellbeing and violence.
Beth: Sex and I have not always had the best relationship. I’ve felt pushed around by it, used by it, and felt shame and disgust from it. I’ve had panic attacks come into my love life from time-to-time, especially when I’ve been feeling down, ugly, and unlovable. But sex can be beautiful and special and fun. Especially when you feel good about it and yourself, know how to talk about it and ask for what will make you happy.
That’s what we’re trying to show with this sex edition — all the good and creative ways you can express your sexuality, consensually with one partner or many partners or no partner at all! You can use a carrot and clothes pegs, like our girl Ella, or just freestyle it.
Your relationship with sex may not look the same as mine or the contributors to this edition, but I hope you get something out of this sex edition, even if it’s just a laugh or two!
Ella: For me, sex is sticky (literally and metaphorically). Once you start having it, you realise how many little problems come with it, but just how good good sex can be.
Many of us have been hurt by sex. I know I have. But also, it’s good to reflect on how we might have hurt others. No one has been perfect 24/7, and days like Sex in the Hub are about learning from where we went wrong. Have a little reflection on Hannah’s consent breakdown — is that what you practice every time? I know that alcohol and pressure can be enemies to us all. It’s hard to admit where we go wrong, but to my mind, the conversation on sexual violence needs to move forward with more nuance. A lot of sexual violence happens because people don’t know the effects of their actions, or are too selfish to care. Let’s make an environment where people can admit they’ve hurt others, and where they can get help changing their behaviour.

Sex is sticky too when you catch something. I know that myself. Honestly, STIs are so easy to catch. I have a good friend who compares chlamydia to a common cold. But we hype up STIs far too much — not only can you easily avoid them, but when you get them, there are so many ways to protect your partners. Like let’s be real, I’m not perfect, and I forego the odd condom. But communication of your status is where it’s at, and getting checked is what’s important.
But mostly for me, my sex is sticky because I fucking love it — and to me stickiness is a great quality. I have amazing sex, and I want you to as well! Sex in the Hub, and this edition in fact (!), will give you some tips and tricks to sticky up your sex life. Self-discovery in sex is one of the best parts, honestly. What do you like? There’s still time to find out!
Paddy: Sex starts and ends with you. Most of us will have multiple sexual partners in our lives but the one constant is always you.
When our self-esteem is low, our sex lives will undoubtedly suffer. Maybe you insist on the lights-off approach, or make up excuses (i.e. “I feel sick”) to avoid it altogether?
Sex should be empowering and uplifting. It should be something that you look forward to with eager anticipation, not something to dread. If you find that you can relate to these negative feelings towards sex then maybe you need to focus on yourself first.
My friend once told me that she likes to walk around her place naked. She said that it normalises her naked body and encourages herself to be comfortable in her own skin. What a cool idea. Maybe I’ll give that a crack when it’s not so cold here in Wellington!
I think Jordan Gray puts it perfectly when he says, “If you want to love your body… listen to it, be consciously grateful for it, appreciate others’ bodies, move it, touch it, and spoil it”.

So challenge yourself by doing something nice for yourself today or tonight ;)

Enjoy the sexy Salient xo

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