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AuthorAlly Garrett

Author Archive: Ally Garrett

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July 25, 2011

First things first: I know that declaring yourself a ‘feminist’ can be scary. But as Ellen Page said: “It can’t be any more obvious that we live in a patriarchal society if ‘feminist’ is a bad word”. In my opinion, if you believe in equality between all genders, you’re a feminist. That’s it. And if […]

July 11, 2011

Whuddup Victoria University? How was your winter break? Did any of the physicists in our midst discover any particles? Just kidding, I don’t actually care about your particles. Didya do anything sexy? Nine million years ago, when I was a first year in Weir House, I think I spent the entirety of my winter holidays […]

May 30, 2011

My time management skills have been shot to shit. Remember how at the beginning of the year I was waxing lyrical about the possibility of a Sweet Bitch of the Month segment, with all the hope and potential of eleven- year-old Lindsay Lohan’s freckled appearance in The Parent Trap? Now, in the words of many […]

May 23, 2011

Do you know what’s weird? Being friends with your ex-lovers on Facebook. Come to think of it, that word, the l word, the ‘lover’ word is probably a bit misleading. Something like ‘friends-of-friends’ or ‘fuck-buddies’ or ‘guys-I-accidentally-slept-with-after-various-staff-parties’ would probably be more accurate. Whatever you call them, being Facebook pals is awkward (and no, I can’t […]

May 23, 2011

Everybody loves a good portmanteau. You know, when two words are spliced together to make a brand new word? Some portmanteaus are useful, like brunch and smog and sexting. Some are annoying, like jeggings and some of them are just completely brilliant, like vagenda, aka THE AGENDA OF MY VAGINA. Sometimes portmanteaus reach a level […]

May 16, 2011

Oh look! It’s that time again. Time for me to talk about cheese! Regular readers know the drill: I buy a salad, I eat it and then I write about it. For the uninitiated, let me just say that I really love cheese.  My favourite actress is Nicolby Kidman. My favourite play is Cheddar Gabler. […]

May 9, 2011

I hate nature. I hate getting a little bit of sand in my shoe. I hate scrubbing potatoes. I hate it when it rains on my fringe. I hate getting saltwater up my nose. I hate hiking. I hate trekking. I hate tramping. I hate camping. I hate people who go on ‘walks’ because what’s […]

May 2, 2011

Dear Girls on the Number Nine Bus, I thought this column could be a good place to contact you. On Thursday the 24th of March you were both sitting on the backwards facing seats of the 7.54am number nine bus, avidly clutching your Victoria University Laws 214 notes. I’m writing to you because over the […]

April 11, 2011

I have always maintained that media institutions have an imperative role in ensuring that marginalised groups have a public voice. Thus, every three weeks, here I am once-more-unto-the-breaching for the tired, the poor, the huddling masses yearning to breathe free. Feta is a marginalised group, right? It must be. I can’t think of any other […]