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AuthorAnon

Author Archive: Anon

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May 21, 2018

In 2017, Britain approved the Digital Economy Act – a bill that will bring in a multitude of laws regarding the internet and pornography in 2018. With the changes brought by the new bill, Government officials have assured citizens that no one will be able to have any fun at all. Alongside installing age checks […]

May 14, 2018

An English Literature tutorial was decimated today by one man’s desire to share his insight with the class. “It’s not really a question, but more of a comment really,” he announced to the class. Following on from a perfectly succinct point from a classmate, the young man decided that now was the perfect time to […]

May 14, 2018

In early 2018, multiple scholars predicted this would be the year that men would prove that they were shit. However an interview with music mogul DJ Khaled has resurfaced this week, revealing that he does not and does not ever intend to perform oral sex on his wife, proving that men, in fact, still ain’t […]

May 7, 2018

AI or Mike Hosking?

May 7, 2018

Following an announcement from The Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand, new potential methods of coping with mental illness have been revealed. At the top of the list is “eating an entire wheel of brie,” closely followed by “putting on a cheap facemask and smoking ten cigarettes”. Also mentioned in the list is “drinking an […]

May 7, 2018

Middle-aged women everywhere are rejoicing this week, following Waitaki MP Jacqui Dean’s proposal to extend the expiration date on all gift cards to three years. Dean looks exactly how you might expect her to – although her face is smiling, her eyes scream “I need to speak to a manager, because this is not good […]

March 19, 2018

As the second week of lectures drew to a close, Victoria University’s’ own Hunter Lounge has nearly tripled their profits. Due to the reality of assignments, tutorials, and two-hour long lectures truly hitting home, the number of students using their course-related costs to get absolutely shit wrecked at Hunter has increased significantly. Compared to the […]

March 19, 2018

Sunday mornings have become suspiciously quiet in halls across Wellington this week, as the uncomfortable run-ins with people you furiously fucked last night have become more regular. Without the comfort of cheap alcohol coursing through their veins, hall residents have discovered that the floormate who licked their asshole last night is actually not that interesting […]

March 12, 2018

They say that time heals all wounds, but clearly Steven Joyce never got the memo. In 2016, Joyce’s career received a critical hit in the form of a surprisingly girthy pink dildo, and word on the street is he never really recovered. Joyce announced his resignation from politics on Tuesday 6 March 2018 after failing […]