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AuthorKii Small

Author Archive: Kii Small

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September 17, 2018

This week, the elevators on Kelburn Campus are back in operation and allowing students to travel between the 3rd and 7th floor without the need for stairs. Students and staff are flabbergasted that the second coming of Jesus Christ has not come prior to the elevator repair. “Honestly, I’m shocked. This whole time I thought […]

August 20, 2018

This week Louise is snowed under with a bunch of editorial work and cannot do her editorial letter to all of you readers. So you’re stuck with the person that sits parallel to her in the office and whose job description is so dissimilar that she forgets I work here at times. This week, I […]

August 6, 2018

Hoodies, sweatshirts, and coffee mugs labelled “Victoria University of Wellington” are flying off the shelves following the name change debate from the board. Students have been crowding Vic Deals, (soon to be Welly Deals) for “Victoria University” merch before the name is changed forever. Callum Turnbull told us he was actually frightened to wear his […]

July 30, 2018

Local students and semi-educated adults were shocked to learn that Victoria University offers alumni a 10% discount on all books in the VicBooks catalogue if they show a “recent monthly alumni e-newsletter” before purchasing at the counter. Some students were even more surprised to know VicBooks cared about their horrid financial situation. “Ain’t that the […]

July 16, 2018

On July 5th 2018, the beloved deep-fried palace that we know as Ilott Cafe closed their doors for the last time, to the screams and tears of many students. The cafe, formerly known as Revive, Hangover Heaven, and “Fuck Yes Cafe” was the hub for all students with a craving for fried chicken, chips, and […]

June 5, 2018

I’m 16. The clock hits 9:30pm and my mother tells me to get to bed and get an early night. My lamp lights up the room that was previously lit up by Minecraft and my phone alerting me that someone poked me. The rain begin to hit my window as I turn on my speaker […]

June 5, 2018

This week, rapper and certified drug dealer Pusha T got into a poetic altercation with Canadian rapper and instagram papi Drake, over alleged ghostwriting and overall talent. Pusha dropped Daytona this week — fully produced by Kanye “Say my Name” West — which addressed Drake’s ghostwriting rumours, Kanye’s mental state, and how the drug market is […]

May 14, 2018

Ancient philosopher, musician, and birth child of the 808 system, Kanye “Watch This” West has risen from his year in the woods without social media and human contact (Kim Kardashian is yet to be confirmed as 100% human). During his alone time in the woods, Kanye has discovered that slavery in America was a choice, […]

March 12, 2018

It’s pretty cool being black. I mean most of the time apart from the stereotypes about fried chicken, ice cold grape soda, my baguettelong-schlong and my eight girlfriends who I can’t pay child support to. Other than that it’s pretty smooth sailing, right? Haha. Fuck no. Take an average Friday night for example. I get […]