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AuthorLiam Powell

Author Archive: Liam Powell

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September 17, 2018

In yet another inspired effort to cut costs, Victoria University of Wellington will no longer offer formal qualifications to its graduates. The change will be implemented immediately. It was reportedly inspired by the Faculty of Law’s urgent efforts to reassure its disproportionately under-graded student body by releasing a statement that it is “exceptionally proud” of […]

August 13, 2018

When the library lifts first broke: • John Key was PM • Jacinda Ardern was just a popular backbencher with great teeth • Barack Obama was President of the United States • Brexit was new, but going nowhere fast • The ACT Party was floundering in the polls • The University promised to have the […]

August 6, 2018

More space for mental health services means that physiotherapy services will no longer be available at Kelburn campus. Citing demands for more student health and counselling services, Student Health Mauri Ora will requisition space currently used by Willis Street Physio at the end of the academic year. Approximately a hundred students use the service per […]

July 30, 2018

A Facebook message from a stranger asking you for something at 1:42 am is never worth replying to. I should have known this at the time, but thanks to a less-than-a-week-before-my-contract-exam mix of insomnia, apathy, and cheerful nihilism, I happily agreed to help build what could have been the largest temporary hockey rink in the […]

July 23, 2018

A consultation document released by Victoria University of Wellington reveals that the University intends to suspend all academic endeavours within the next two months, as it has come to the realisation that its education-based business model can be made more profitable by removing teaching staff and students from the equation. It is understood that recent […]

May 28, 2018

On 14 May 2018, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern released an open letter to Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters, regarding her upcoming maternity leave. After months of reconnaissance and seduction of Arden’s intern by reporter Liam Powell, Salient presents the first draft of said letter. Rt Hon Sir (if you play your cards right, punk) Winston […]

May 21, 2018

University Backs Down Over Overpriced Flat

May 14, 2018

May Become Politically Relevant

April 30, 2018

Dancing With the Stars (DWTS), the New Zealand reality TV show, is already embroiled in controversy, after allegations of widespread media bias. An in-depth investigation has revealed that nearly 90% of preliminary coverage has been positively slanted in favour of newly announced contestant Suzy Cato.  When pressed, 93% of journalists polled admitted to “strongly favouring” […]