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AuthorLiam Powell

Author Archive: Liam Powell

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October 15, 2018

Hundreds of black and yellow bikes can be seen on the streets of Wellington as the city starts a six month trial of a bike share scheme. The trail includes 200 single-speed bikes, which is operated by Auckland bike-sharing company Onzo. The bikes cost 25 cents to operate for 15 minutes and are activated through […]

October 1, 2018

In between changing the name and logo of his beloved pet project University, the Vice-Chancellor is poised to axe another VUW institution: the ostentatious slogan “Know Your Mind”. In a forum announced five minutes before it began last Tuesday, Vice-Chancellor Grant Guildford announced the plan, which would go ahead “whether or not you bloody well […]

September 17, 2018

In yet another inspired effort to cut costs, Victoria University of Wellington will no longer offer formal qualifications to its graduates. The change will be implemented immediately. It was reportedly inspired by the Faculty of Law’s urgent efforts to reassure its disproportionately under-graded student body by releasing a statement that it is “exceptionally proud” of […]

August 13, 2018

When the library lifts first broke: • John Key was PM • Jacinda Ardern was just a popular backbencher with great teeth • Barack Obama was President of the United States • Brexit was new, but going nowhere fast • The ACT Party was floundering in the polls • The University promised to have the […]

August 6, 2018

More space for mental health services means that physiotherapy services will no longer be available at Kelburn campus. Citing demands for more student health and counselling services, Student Health Mauri Ora will requisition space currently used by Willis Street Physio at the end of the academic year. Approximately a hundred students use the service per […]

July 30, 2018

A Facebook message from a stranger asking you for something at 1:42 am is never worth replying to. I should have known this at the time, but thanks to a less-than-a-week-before-my-contract-exam mix of insomnia, apathy, and cheerful nihilism, I happily agreed to help build what could have been the largest temporary hockey rink in the […]

July 23, 2018

A consultation document released by Victoria University of Wellington reveals that the University intends to suspend all academic endeavours within the next two months, as it has come to the realisation that its education-based business model can be made more profitable by removing teaching staff and students from the equation. It is understood that recent […]

May 28, 2018

On 14 May 2018, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern released an open letter to Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters, regarding her upcoming maternity leave. After months of reconnaissance and seduction of Arden’s intern by reporter Liam Powell, Salient presents the first draft of said letter. Rt Hon Sir (if you play your cards right, punk) Winston […]

May 21, 2018

University Backs Down Over Overpriced Flat