Salient started their year in the office with the sad news of the Christchurch earthquake. Much has been written about this already, but our counterparts at Lincoln and Canterbury Universities outdid themselves in the recovery effort, and our thoughts go out to those who are still working to rebuild Christchurch and their lives.
The last week of February was also Orientation Week at Victoria, which for the most part consisted of pashes, rashes and free food sachets, courtesy of VUWSA. Maybe some people who lived in the halls made some new friends—I’m not sure, I was still living with my mum at the time.

March

We were all welcomed back to university with the fanfare of jackhammers as the quad was ripped up as part of the Campus Hub Project. An upside of these developments was the addition of the Hunter Lounge to the Student Union Building, with neighbours Salient making excessive use of the new bar.

The annual Great Debate turned into the major politics scandal of the year, with Labour MP Darren Hughes accused of sexually assaulting a Victoria University student following the event. Hughes later resigned from Parliament.

Everyone in Wellington shat themselves thinking that we could be the next big quake, while VUWSA actually did something productive, raising $8000 for Christchurch’s Student Army.

Japan were next on the list to fall victim to Mother Earth, and this disaster dominated the media for the remainder of March.
Closer to home, MGMT performed in Vic’s brand new Hunter Lounge, which made us feel pretty damn special about ourselves.
Finally, VUWSA held its IGM and reached quorum without having to reschedule, proving Seamus Brady to be already more successful than predecessor Max Hardy, probably due to provision of pizza.

April

April and Easter rolled around, the investigation into the Hughes affair continued, complete with much speculation and accusation.
Peter Dunne actually did some work as Revenue Minister, and, along with Steven Joyce, cracked down on wayward overseas student loan borrowers.
Construction work on the Student Union Building was finally finished, the University proving it was capable of achieving something. The results of a survey undertaken by VUWSA were released, showing Vicbooks to be the most-used service. Salient was second most-used and nothing much else was used at all, surprise surprise.

May

Don Brash shocked everyone by giving Rodney Hide the ol’ heave-ho which, to be honest, is pretty impressive for a 70-year-old.

The Government once again threatened to send debt collectors after overseas loan borrowers, while students escaping ‘the man’ played Carmen San Diego.
The government attempted to stop us from taking a little from this box and a little from that box, over Skynet. Essentially, most MPs just proved how little they knew about how computers and the internet actually work.

Victoria University opened Milk and Hone, exclusively for Victoria staff and postgraduate students, which most undergraduate students packed a mega sad about.

June

Trimester One ended, there were some exams, and obviously everyone was really sad because Salient wasn’t published over the break.

Bleak.

July

Most students came back bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, all ready to study in Trimester 2, but thanks to a University balls-up, some of us still didn’t know our grades from the first trimester.

Labour scared off the VSM monster-under-the-bed of student associations by continuing to filibuster every question day in Parliament.

While ACT on Campus celebrated the fact that ACT’s VSM Bill looked almost certain to eventually pass, the group won further media attention, sparking controversy when their Auckland Vice-President told an AUSA office-holder to “get raped” in a Facebook comment.

In a last ditch effort against VSM, OUSA ‘scarfie’ President Logan Edgar locked himself in a metaphorical (and literal) prison cell. It is interesting to note that this dramatic protest attracted more media attention than NZUSA’s expensive campaign did.

August

Labour continued to filibuster to avoid the VSM bill, and people actually started to kick up a fuss about it. Victoria students shocked the nation when they actually gave a shit about something, turning out in their hundreds to protest a number of cuts to University programs.

VUWSA held its AGM and enough people turned up to eat pizza and win quorum. Students defied apathy, and actually discussed something, with the Legalise Love movement and preparation for VSM proving to be the hot topics of the day.

September

The University Council asked for 4 per cent more cash money, when increasing fees for 2012. But the council couldn’t touch our levy, because Joyce introduced a proposal to limit the number of things that could be classed as ‘student services’. We Are The University, swelled in numbers by Workers’ Party and Unite members, held a protest in the Hunter Courtyard, and captured media attention when they stormed the building to find Pat Walsh, which in turn attracted the presence of police on campus.
Maori students’ associations made an eleventh-hour appeal to the Waitangi Tribunal to block VSM, but this ultimately failed, as the bill was passed into legislation (nearly ten years after it was introduced) on Wednesday 28 September. ACT on Campus President Peter McCaffrey allegedly motorboated Heather Roy at the ACT Party offices over the newly-passed piece of legislation.

October

VUWSA, having pretended that they were up to fucks all year, showed that they actually had some sort of plan in place for the advent of VSM. Enrolments for 2012 opened with the option of joining VUWSA for free, however this is yet to be confirmed by an SGM which will be held on Thursday 13 October at 1pm in the Student Union Building—go along!

Despite the fact that VUWSA’s failings were among the most-cited examples of why Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) should be introduced, Hardy, a former VUWSA President himself, seemed adamant that these awards, including a category for Best President, should go ahead.

“I wish they had awards for best students’ associations.”

Only just managing to hold back from commenting that, if such awards existed, VUWSA would lose every time, staff went on to speculate what the awards categories would be and who would be the winners.

Alongside the category of Best President, Best Pash, Most Expensive Scandal, Most Babein’ Executive Member, Most Timely President’s Columns and Best Attendance at Meetings were named as possible awards categories.

Although Salient staffers predicted that VUWSA would lose in nearly all of these categories, ‘Best Pash’ became hotly contested over the course of the final production night.
Former News Editor Molly McCarthy said that Max Hardy was “by far the best pasher on any exec. Ever.”

Current News Editor Stella Blake-Kelly disagreed and said that Otago University Students’ Association President Logan Edgar was the better kisser.

Co-Editor Elle Hunt, on the other hand, claimed that current VUWSA President Seamus Brady would undoubtedly be the Best Pash, despite having failed to lock lips with Brady at the student media awards ceremony.

“I just want him to come up [to the office] so I can pash him!” said an anxious Hunt, in anticipation of the president’s arrival to the Salient office.

The night ended with Hunt attempting to throw herself at Brady on the office couch, and, following her second rejection by Brady, threw her arms up in the air, screeching “I was rejected by Seamus Brady!”

Held this year at Victoria University’s Milk and Honey bar, the ASPA Awards are an annual event that recognises and celebrates the work of student magazines around the country, dishing out awards for categories such as Best News, Best Design and Best Humour.

Described as “witty, intensely self-involved in a rather endearingly self-deprecatory way” by Best Publication judge Simon Wilson of Metro magazine, Salient placed first ahead of second-equal winners Critic (Otago University) and Magneto (Massey Wellington).

The other big win of the night for the magazine was first place in the Best Cartoonist category, which was taken out by Dinocop creator Sam Northcott. Judge Al Nisbett described Northcott’s drawings as “fresh and energetic… with slightly manic themes” and even went as far to say that he “found himself smiling at them”. Applause from the Salient table for Northcott’s award was of equal, if not greater volume, as the response to the Best Publication announcement, complete with a standing ovation and hysterical screaming.
“Well, I suppose it is very good, yes,” Northcott said of his award.

Salient also picked up second placings for Best Unpaid News (Unpaid), Best Reviewer, Best Feature and Best Education Series, and third equal for Best Design.
To top off the enormously successful weekend for the magazine, the Salient Facebook page surpassed 2000 ‘likes’ on Sunday evening.

A full list of results can be found online at salient.org.nz/blog/aotearoa-student-press-association-awards-results

Gracing the front page of the Dominion Post, Reverend Frank Nelson of Wellington’s Cathedral of Saint Paul shared his view that, in accordance with the painting, it is very likely that Jesus would be resurrected as an All Black.

“Central to Christian belief is the fact that God became a human being, he became a man.”

“We often call New Zealanders God’s own, so it would be completely logical that if Jesus did come back he would be an All Black.”

Nelson went on to even specify the position Jesus would play if he were to grace our presence as a rugby star.

“He’d have to be a scrum-half, he’s the one that puts the ball in, definitely.”

Just hours after this irrefutable argument hit the news stands, a rugby-mad Australian rushed into the cathedral to purchase the painting, by local artist Don Little, which had a price tag of $3,000. The final selling price of the piece is unknown, but the $1,000 share of the cathedral will be donated to the Taita Pomare touch rugby team.

A passer-by commented that it was more tasteful than other iconographic pieces, but thought that Jesus would be a front-rower, rather than a halfback.

“He had all the brains and was surrounded by tough guys.”

The painting will remain on display at the cathedral for the duration of the Rugby World Cup.

I had spent months upon months of going on anti-Genetic Engineering marches; pasting stickers and posters reading ‘GE Free NZ’ everywhere; persuading my parents to shop religiously with the GE Free shopping guide—not to mention risking social exclusion by earning myself the label of ‘dirty hippy’ after getting preachy about the topic at my intermediate speech competition. And after all that, ‘Corngate’ broke, and the government was accused of covering up the accidental release of GE-contaminated corn seeds in the country.

I expressed my extreme outrage in a long and strongly-worded (for an 11-year-old) letter to Helen Clark. I’m not sure if it was my over-zealous use of commas or choosing to write in Comic Sans MS that gave me away, but instead of receiving a thoughtful, personalised and adult letter to match mine, I was fobbed off with a ‘GE and You’ information pack for children. At the time I was annoyed, even hurt, that my government thought I could be so easily appeased, simply because I wasn’t of voting age. I had spent hours researching, writing and editing that letter, only to receive a glossy booklet that did nothing to address the issues I had raised, but simply explained to me “What is Genetic Engineering?”. When I was older, I vowed, I would use my pull as a voter to try to change society into the place I wanted to live.

Nine years on from that incident however, and although I may have stopped using Comic Sans and excessive commas, I’m certainly not making the most of my advanced years to right society’s wrongs. Although there are still issues that get me hot under the collar, and certainly things I would like to see changed, the truth is that for the most part, I just don’t give a shit. And it’s not just about genetic engineering, or politics in general—I’ve no idea where the fiery passion of my childhood has gone, but these days I’m hard-pressed to give a rat’s arse about most things. In 2000, I would go hungry at times in order to avoid eating battery-farmed chicken. Now it’s 2011, and after attempting vegetarianism for two weeks, I decided that I didn’t really care anyway, and ate three mince pies in the space of an hour.

Although my childhood protestations had a notably political bent, no matter what our cause, there is no denying that most of us were far more passionate as children and teenagers. Oh, how we stuck it to the man with our temper tantrums, slamming of doors and rolling of eyes.

But now that we are older and capable of constructing a reasoned argument, why aren’t we using this ability to protect the things we hold dear? It seems a shame that we’ve lost our mojo just as we reach an age where society will actually take us seriously.

It’s easy to convince ourselves that we just don’t care; that there’s no point in trying, because even if we did it probably wouldn’t make a difference anyway. It’s easy to think that we’re above being outraged, too cool to get worked up, and too old to throw a tantrum. Yes, it’s easy not to give a shit—but when we let our apathy rule, we risk losing the things we really do give a shit about.

Whatever your cause—whether it be big or small—stand up, speak out, and do something about it. Maybe it’s the cuts to tertiary education that have got a bee in your bonnet; maybe you just paid way too much for a wrap that was actually pretty substandard at Wishbone. Pissed off, riled up, red in the face, cheated and angry? Then do something about it. It’s that simple.

The council passed recommendations to increase fees for domestic students by four per cent for 2012, which is the maximum fee increase allowed by the government.

The only opposition to the recommendations was from the two student representatives on the council—VUWSA President Seamus Brady and University Council Representative Conrad Reyners. Both spoke at length of the burden that the continual increases in student fees place on students, in that they create a disincentive to study and a future burden of debt.

“I feel it is imperative when we set fees that we are reminded of the impact that our decision will have on the lives of both students now and on our society in the future,” Reyners said.

Since 1997, gradual fee increases approved by the university each year have led to an overall increase of 100 per cent.

Reyners and Brady both expressed concern that these ongoing increases would soon prove detrimental to students’ access to study, especially equity groups such as women, Maori and Pacific Island students, who would be disproportionately affected.

“The question is: Does Get Amongst the Best equate to get amongst the richest?” Brady quipped.

In giving its reasons for recommending an increase, the University cited the financial constraints that reduced government tertiary funding for 2012 has created.
“We make this recommendation with reluctance, but within the context of government funding we have no other choice,” Vice-Chancellor Pat Walsh said.

Although recognising the problem these cuts pose to the University, Reyners and Brady both said that it was the role of the University to speak out against government cuts to tertiary education.

“The current funding situation is unsustainable and any solution must come from Government. It’s about time this University and others around the country took a firmer line and vocally reminded the Government about the importance of funding students and the sector appropriately.”

Despite approving the fee increase, most council members agreed that the current funding model was unsustainable, and radical changes inevitably need to be made.

Due to proposed government restrictions as to what may be classified as a student service by universities, the Student Services Levy was not able to be passed at this meeting.

Following the recent We Are the University protest, during which a large group of students protested in the Hunter Building, the fee-setting meeting featured a strong presence of campus security outside the building. Despite this increased security however, only a couple of students were present, and Chancellor Ian McKinnon said that it was the smallest public gallery he had seen.

Full copies of Brady and Reyners’ speeches can be accessed at vuwsa.org.nz.

But look Stable for World Cup nonetheless

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, New Zealand’s Rugby World Cup fever has spread to our livestock too.

Lynn Colecutt of Clevedon’s Animal Farm, south of Auckland, has trained a number of ponies and donkies to play rugby, just in time for the World Cup. From September 28 to October 22, the Animal All Blacks will play the four-legged English team in the four-a-side game.

So far the animals have been taught to kick backwards, run in the same direction, and are currently learning the haka.
“You get them in the right way and tell them to kick it,” explains Colecutt.

Although the team line-ups have not yet been finalised, the farm is already decked out with a stadium featuring tiered-seating, goalposts, and three cheerleader miniature ponies sporting ruffles.

Stars of the field include star-kicker ‘Danny Boy’ and ‘Shadow’, whose penchant for forward-passing could earn him some yellow cards.

“He doesn’t realise he can’t forward pass. Shadow can be absolutely fantastic and absolutely terrible…The worst thing is taking him out of the arena. He loves being a star.”
But whatever the outcome, rugby will be the winner on the day.

Kebabs say Ke-Bye-bye

Haters gon’ hate

It’s no fun to be drunk when you live in Cittadella, Italy.

Mayor Massimo Botocci banned all shops selling kebabs in the northern Italian town last month, because he doesn’t like how they smell.

Amongst reasons for outlawing the treasured tipsy treat, Botocci said kebabs were unsuitable for the historic centre of the town because of “the way in which the foods are eaten, the smell they give off…”

But Botocci recognised that, although he was opposed to the noms, others may enjoy a kebab or two despite their odour.
“If someone wants to eat a kebab, he can do it at home or outside of the historic centre.

“They aren’t part of our tradition.”

For those interested in the early morning kebab scene, check out thekebabblog.tumblr.com where Salient’s own Molly McCarthy rates and reviews the best that Wellington has to offer.

In a press statement released by the university last week, Yeoman claimed that the 2051 Rugby World Cup will feature a significant amount of robotic technology. Players taking to the field will be aided by bionic implants and built-in performance-monitoring chips, and the game will be monitored by robotic referees, linesmen and played with a rugby ball featuring radio frequency chips.

“There’ll be no more blaming the ref.”

Technology such as genetic engineering and advanced implants is already more widely-used in sports than one may realise, argues Yeoman, pointing to South African double amputee Oscar Pistorius’ London Olympics-qualifying carbon fibre prosthetic running blades as an example.

Although a team of half-human, half-robots may seem like the stuff of science-fiction, Yeoman says that the technology necessary to create these super athletes is already under development. “We are already using antimicrobial technology in shoes to keep them clean and prevent athlete’s foot.

“We’re also developing the means to create highly advanced nanobots (microscopic robots) capable of entering the bloodstream to feed cells and extract waste. Humans who have been injected with these nanobots will evolve into cyborgs and would make outstanding athletes.”

From athlete’s foot to cyborgs, these technological developments will also ensure a healthier team and less time on the bench for injured players.

“New therapies will cut recovery times from injury by up to 300 per cent and we can look forward to individualised pre-match drinks and non-invasive injections to optimise energy levels.”

Technology has a few surprises in store for audiences of the game as well.

“TV viewers will enjoy lifelike 3D images in their indoor or outdoor home theatre while for really dedicated fans, the ultimate experience will be staying at a hotel that’s part of the stadium complex.”

For those worried that these technological changes will make the game lose its ‘edge’, Yeoman points out that a number of games—including rugby—are already very popular as computer games.

But Yeoman, a Scotland supporter, is a fan of the game sans-cyborg for now as well. Having purchased tickets to the Scotland vs Argentina match, he’s hoping for a Scotland victory against the All Blacks in the final.

“…but that’s a wish rather than a prediction!”

Held this year at Canterbury University, the Joynt Scroll is the New Zealand universities’ prepared debating championships, and is competed for annually by Auckland, Otago, Victoria, Canterbury and Waikato universities.

Other teams watched on green with envy as two Victoria teams debated the moot “That we should abolish all government restrictions and ratings on the content of entertainment media.”

Victoria 2, consisting of Nick Cross, Duncan McLachlan and Holly Jenkins, took out the competition, with Victoria 1, consisting of Asher Emanuel, Richard D’Ath and Paul Smith, placing second. Victoria teams 3 and 4 placed 11th and 7th respectively.

As well as first and second placings, Victoria blazed other areas of the tournament, with Smith winning Best Speaker and McLachlan highly commended. Smith was also selected for the New Zealand debating team alongside D’Ath, with Emanuel selected as a reserve. Judges Ollie Neas, Julia Wells, Cross and Jenkins were accredited at the competition. While Seb Templeton smoked the competition, winning the award for Best Adjudicator.

Victoria University have consistently achieved highly at the tournament, with this year’s victory marking the Debating Society’s 47th win since the Joynt Scroll’s inception in 1902.
Posting to their Facebook page, the society were blunt about their success, describing their winning streak as “Lance Armstrong-esque”.

Formed in May this year, the Anti PowerPoint Party (APPP) are hoping to win enough votes to secure a place as Switzerland’s fourth largest political party following the National Council Elections in October.

Founded by author of The PowerPoint Fallacy, Matthias Poehm, the APPP describe themselves as an international movement in the form of a Swiss political party. Their aim is to raise global attention to the issue of PowerPoint’s domination of presentations worldwide, which they argue are boring and expensive.

“The APPP sees itself as the advocate of approximately 250 million people worldwide, who, every month, are obliged to be present during boring presentations in companies, universities, or at other institutions, and who had up to now no representation in politics.

“We want that the number of boring PowerPoint presentations on the planet to decrease and the average presentation to become more exciting and more interesting.
“The goal is to render people aware of the much better alternatives to PowerPoint. PowerPoint is like a disease. For a long time there has been a remedy for this disease around, but nobody knows about it.”

The party suggest that in 95 per cent of cases the flip-chart has a “triple effect”, and that purchasing PowerPoint software costs the Swiss economy $2.5 billion USD each year.
As well as earning global recognition through success in the elections, the APPP also hope to secure 100,000 signatures in order to carry out a national referendum demanding prohibition of PowerPoint during presentations in Switzerland.

“Once 100,000 signatures have been collected, a big ‘Anti-PowerPoint Party’ (with internationally renowned DJs) will be held in Zurich for all members (probably at the Volkshaus).”
Although based in Switzerland, anyone is able to join the party, which boasted 2052 members late last month. This is a far cry from the Social Democrats Party, who, with 32,000 members, currently hold the coveted fourth-largest party position.

While membership is free, all members must buy a copy of Poehm’s book. More information and membership forms can be found at anti-powerpoint-party.com.

Throws sharp knife around, hopes for the best

A Swedish man was arrested late last month when he was found attempting to split the atom in his home kitchen.

Richard Handl, who only created the nuclear reactor as a hobby, was charged with unauthorised possession of nuclear material when police were sent to his home by Sweden’s Radiation Authority. Handl had contacted the authority when he realised that his pastime might not actually be legal.

“I have always been interested in physics and chemistry,” Handl said, following his arrest.

“From now on, I will stick to theory.”

Although Handl had created a small meltdown on his stove, police did not detect dangerous levels of radiation in his apartment. Charges have not yet been pressed, but if convicted, Handl could face up to two years in prison.

Conservative relative discovers that young woman is having “the sex”

NZ Herald has shockingly slow news week

A New Zealand woman found out the hard way last week that her 28-year-old relative was in fact sexually active, when she made news headlines for her “sex romp” accident.

Amy Ramage is reported to have nearly severed her hand when she fell and sliced her wrist on the broken edge of a basin, while having sex during a yachting holiday in Croatia.

An unnamed relative of Ramage later came to her defense, doubting the more raunchy elements of the story.

“She’s a good Christian girl. I’ve known her all her life and she has strong principles … I just can’t believe it. It doesn’t sound like Amy at all.”
Since the story first broke at the start of the month there has been no official comment from Ramage, despite the media frenzy the sordid tale has created.

The New Zealand Herald managed to occupy three of their journalists with the mini-scandal, with one story reaching a whopping 450 words, which included extensive and largely irrelevant information about her professional history.

Prez Seamus has done, in his own words, “lots” so far this year, and indeed, there’s no obvious padding in his extensive, 15-page work report. That he’s often in his office until 10pm, his dedication to the role. Seamus has continued to improve the relationship between VUWSA and the University; overseen the best O Week festival in the country; and actively worked on improving engagement and communication between VUWSA and students. He’s represented students’ interests on a number of national boards, and moreover, he’s fulfilled the diplomatic part of presidency very well—especially compared to his predecessor Max “Power” Hardy. But for reasons unknown—perhaps lack of confidence, or a sense of resignation to the inevitable—he has been unwilling to do much more than go with the tide. Seamus has failed to rock the boat, even though the likely implementation of Voluntary Student Membership next year has meant that it really was necessary. Looking at the media coverage that Otago University Students’ Association president Logan Edgar managed to reel in for the CSM cause, he could have been a little more outspoken. Overall, though, Seamus has been an excellent captain, keeping VUWSA on an even keel after many years of stormy weather. If Max and Seamus’ legacy is upheld next year, VUWSA is in good hands.
Rating: 4/5
Fun fact: Seamus’ office is full of dead ladybirds!

Bridie Hood, Vice-President (Education)

Bridie, the star of VUWSA 2011, is in the Association for all the right reasons. Consequently, her work report reflects work that she has done: there’s no sense that she is exaggerating her achievements. She has single-handedly revitalised the class representative system, transforming it from a token, tiresome gesture at the start of each course to a real, legitimate chance for students to have their voices heard. In Trimester 1 of this year, 91 per cent of classes had class reps, and just under 80 per cent of them attended a class rep training session; there are now even scholarships to reward them for going above and beyond the call of ‘class rep’ duty. That’s huge, and that’s more or less entirely Bridie’s doing. She’s been a genuine advocate for students, and has ensured that they have a real, legitimate voice within the University. So far this year, Bridie has clearly been Seamus’ right-hand woman, following on from a relationship they built in the Vice-Presidents’ office last year. This goes to show what can happen when people see VUWSA as an ongoing commitment, rather than a year-long term. Bridie is passionate, tuned-in to other parts of student culture and society, and genuinely believes in the importance of VUWSA and tries to convince others of the same.
Rating: 5/5
Fun fact: Bridie looks a lot like Uther’s sister Freya!

Asher Emanuel, Vice-President (Welfare)

Asher is working on a huge deficit of hours that he is unlikely to make up over the course of the year. However, that he has managed to achieve such a considerable amount regardless highlights the flaws in VUWSA’s quantitative methods of assessing work. Calculating work in hours encourages exec members to pad out their fortnightly work reports with ‘tasks’ such as responding to emails and checking voicemail messages. Asher’s work to date proves that it is possible to make a difference within VUWSA despite apparently not being on top of his workload. Together with Welfare Officer Ta’ase Vaoga, Asher has improved the profile of VUWSA’s welfare-related services (especially at the satellite campuses) immeasurably. It’s also reassuring to see that he looked outside of Victoria University for ideas as to how to improve initiatives such as the VUWSA Food Bank. His position as a newcomer to VUWSA has enabled him to identify and address the Association’s weaknesses clinically, efficiently and without undue emotion. Moreover, as was demonstrated at the VUWSA AGM last week, Asher—a DebSoc veteran—is easily the Association’s most effective and convincing communicator. And today, more than ever before, VUWSA needs more effective and convincing communicators. Keep up the good work Emanuel.
Rating: 3.5/5
Fun fact: According to his IMDB profile (yes), Asher starred in an episode of Shortland Street in 2008 as ‘Harley Henley’!

Daniel Wilson, Vice-President (Admin)

Kudos to Daniel Wilson, this year’s Vice-President (Admin), for admitting that his role is one of the most useless in the VUWSA exec. Vice-President (Admin) was first instated as a paid alternative to Treasurer, and has since become more or less redundant since VUWSA’s appointment of a general manager at the end of 2009. Consequently, it will be dissolved next year. As the Association’s final Vice-President (Admin), Wilson claims to have made VUWSA more accountable, and to have reduced expenditure on sports and cultural councils. He has also played a lot of Minesweeper. It is worth noting that one of Wilson’s chief responsibilities was to organise and oversee the Publications Committee, which governs Salient, but he has failed to attend at least two meetings and has had minimal engagement with the publication. Also, he identified his sole weakness as an initial lack of institutional knowledge—though this has since been rectified. Phew! Daniel’s done a passable job as VUWSA’s last Vice-President (Admin), but not enough to convince us that the position needs to be retained in 2012—though this is more the institution’s fault than his. Good on him for acknowledging this.
Rating: 3/5
Fun fact: Daniel is a big fan of Neil Patrick Harris!

Jennifer Fellows, Education Officer

Education Officer Jennifer Fellows’ relationship with Vice-President (Education) Bridie Hood has been the most efficient of the entire exec, with the two working to ensure quality academic support and representation for students. Jen has been proactive and helpful, as typified by her work on the Faculty of Humanities and Social Science and Faculty of Architecture and Design boards. Fellows is a worthy addition to the general exec team.
Rating: 3/5

Ta’ase Vaoga, Welfare Officer

Working alongside Vice-President (Welfare) Asher Emanuel, Ta’ase has improved the profile of VUWSA’s welfare services across Victoria University. She helped out with study week breakfasts and flu shots, and also organised a trip to Christchurch to help out post-earthquake. Vaoga has also enthusiastically contributed to other areas of VUWSA outside of welfare.
Rating: 3/5

Jeremy “Jezza” Peters, Clubs Officer

As Clubs Officer, Jezza has had an active presence within VUWSA. He has ensured that the relationship between the Association and clubs has been smooth: both Clubs Week and his Meet and Greet were well-attended. He was also the sole exec member to give a detailed justification of his application for a bonus.
Rating: 3/5

Campbell Herbert, Activities Officer

The ‘wildcard’ of the exec, Campbell resigned from VUWSA at the end of last trimester in order to go to Germany on exchange. His last column in Salient criticised the structure and functions of VUWSA, but this was seen as an extension of his trolling the exec in a misguided attempt to hold them accountable. In his half-year report, Herbert acknowledges his being “outspoken” as a weakness that “can often lead to dissent”.
Rating: 2/5
Fun fact: Campbell Herbert appeared in an ad for
cheese in a spray can called ‘Mr Cheese’!

Josh Van Veen, Campaigns Officer

Campaigns Officer Josh Van Veen started the year off well, organising a lively launch to the Education Action Group with guest speaker Winston Peters. However, the rest of Trimester 1 saw little promotion of public debate, though this is likely due to Van Veen’s illness. This has also seen him miss half of the general exec meetings so far.
Rating: 2.5/5

Tom Reed, Queer Rights Officer

Tom has had an active presence on campus, organising Pink Shirt Day, creating and facilitating the Safe Space training programme, and organising queer mentoring. His involvement with UniQ is obvious and commendable, but the promotion of their events could have been improved.
Rating: 3/5

Haley Mortimer, Environmental Officer

Environmental issues have not featured prominently on campus so far this year, and Mortimer’s designated Environment Week passed without comment. Perhaps more concerning is that this was not questioned by the general exec. Also: VUWSA has a vegetable garden?
Rating: 2/5

Andy Gao, International Student Officer

The role of International Student Officer within VUWSA has always been problematic, and this year has been no different. The position aims to actively engage with international students, but international students’ needs are dealt with primarily through a specific council, so it seems like the role exists purely for the sake of political correctness.
Rating: 1.5/5

Necia Johnston, Women’s Officer

As Women’s Officer, Necia has continued with the initiatives her predecessor established in 2010. She has also mobilised and maintained a small group of interested individuals as part of VUWSA Women’s Group, but this affects a small number of Victoria’s student body, and it must be questioned whether the role of Women’s Officer is worth retaining in the long-term.
Rating: 2.5/5

Mara, who is banned from entering New Zealand for his involvement in Fiji’s 2000 and 2006 coups, including alleged torture, was allowed into the country for five days last week to meet with Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade (MFAT) officials, New Zealand’s Democracy in Fiji group, local Fijians and the Maori Party.
During his meetings at Victoria, Mara explained why he had left Commodore Bainimarama’s regime, which subsequently led to his arrest and escape from the country in May this year.

“In early 2007 we began to see… that the journey that was put together… was not on the agenda. We were taking a totally different route.”
Mara said his discussions with MFAT on Thursday had covered the reality of the situation in Fiji; the prospect of holding democratic elections there, and “other things”. He was reluctant to go into details about possible new sanction measures to be undertaken by New Zealand. But said he would like the government to take a stronger stance, if doing so meant that Fiji would be returned more quickly to to its former democracy.

At the end of the meeting Mara’s minder made an appeal to the “budding lawyers” of New Zealand to look into the possibility of creating laws that could apply to New Zealand citizens who are involved in the current military regime.

The meetings were also held to highlight the important role of the press in a democracy and to enable Mara to get his message across, as he said this was impossible through Fiji’s heavily-censored press.

Mara will next head to Tonga and then Samoa, as he makes his way through member-states of the Pacific Islands Forum.

Before I left New Zealand to embark on my new life in La Rochelle, a former exchange student gave me one of the best pieces of advice I’ve received since I first decided to live in France for a while.

“Psssh, don’t worry about your schoolwork. Exchange is for parties and travelling around Europe, not for schoolwork.”

And although I have, at times, taken that advice quite literally – choosing to miss a final exam if it falls within the same week I plan to be in Spain – it is impossible to avoid acquiring at least some sort of education, whether it occurs in, or outside of, the classroom.

Enrolment: Enrolling at the university, like many other aspects of French bureaucracy, is, in no uncertain terms, chiant. I arrived in France on the 4th January, having been informed that university would start on the 5th January. But unlike in New Zealand, when all faculties and courses start the semester on the same day, La Rochelle prefers to stagger their starting dates over the first few months of the year. The 5th was simply the date for languages and management; my courses in history and law didn’t start until the following fortnight; our French for foreigners course kicked off late January; another friend studying literature wasn’t beginning until March because her professor was away, and one science student has no classes until May, after the rest of us will have finished our exams.

This penchant for the arbitrary, we soon found, permeates every aspect of the university. We couldn’t even enrol for the first two months, because the enrolments supervisor had decided to go on holiday, just in time for the beginning of the semester. This same woman is also charged with the important task of emailing students their timetables each week, because the time, day and location of classes changes AT RANDOM every single week.

Degrees: Of course, this complete bordel makes a little more sense when you understand that the French university system works quite differently to New Zealand’s. The first thing you realise is just how much freedom of choice we have in New Zealand. The Bachelor of Arts does not exist in France – you must choose to study languages, or social sciences, or literature. Double degrees are very uncommon here – telling someone I study politics, law and French is always met with a lost look. Timetables are largely pre-determined – students generally take the same courses with the same group of students throughout their degree, with the exception of some optional courses. Students spend way longer at university – students can expect to have 20-28 hours of classes per week.

So, with all that in mind, changing the timetables at random seems less of a hassle when all of the students are in the same classes, have the same free periods and, with the number of courses they have per week, chances are they will be at the university for most of the day anyway.

Going to class: If France is a nation of style, power-points are SO last season. They are simply not used by lecturers. Although this means students actually have to go to class, it also means that every two-hour lecture is spent frantically taking notes. One of my greatest regrets about not yet being fluent in French is that it is impossible to be able to instantly ascertain what information is and isn’t necessary, which results in my brain going into panic-mode and writing down every detail I can understand, realising later that “I was reading in the paper the other day…” will probably not be covered in the exam.

This is not helped by the fact that one of my lecturers speaks largely “in brackets” – an hour of lecturing will be made up of an introduction; one or two sentences of useful information; thirty-five minutes of rambling, stream-of-consciousness speech; finished with the actual point he’s trying to make, delivered in five succinct sentences. Obviously quite easily distracted, he once left the room for five minutes to retrieve his cellphone because it had a picture of Socrates on it, who we were discussing at the time. After passing the phone around the entire lecture theatre he launched into yet another tangent on why Socrates is always depicted with a beard. (Symbol of wisdom, in case you were wondering).

The second major difference at university in France is an issue of punctuality. Most classes start ten minutes after they’re meant to, or whenever the professor decides it’s time to show up. Sometimes they just don’t. However, pay careful attention: this leisurely approach to the timetable is not a freedom that is also extended to students. I learnt this the hard way when, arriving five minutes late to class one morning I tried to slip in quietly at the back of the lecture theatre, as I would do in New Zealand. Not bothering to focus on what the lecturer was saying until I could sit down and take notes, I didn’t realise he’d departed from his current topic until I heard students laughing. And, sure enough, turning slowly to look to the front of the class, I see my lecturer sarcastically waving me in, “Yeah, yeah, go on, go on. Did you have to kiss goodbye to your mum and dad?” Putain de merde! After smiling awkwardly and quickly taking my seat, I vowed never to go to class again if I was even a minute late – I now wait until the half-time break instead.
Organic education: As part of my application for this exchange programme, I was asked what I would do if I wasn’t doing well in my courses on exchange. My answer then remains the same now; I wouldn’t be too worried because the most important things I can take from the exchange are the language and culture, which I’m surrounded by every day. Outside of the simple fact that I can now understand and speak a lot more French than I could before, my knowledge of gros mots and other slang has also impressively increased. In terms of French culture, aside from stereotypically drinking coffee and wine, buying croissants from the daily markets, and inhaling a ton of second-hand smoke, even getting your head around how university works here gives you a great insight into the French way of life.

On top of being immersed daily in all things French, being on exchange has also given me a much more international education as well. As an exchange student you inevitably spend a lot of time with other exchange students; as a result I can now say ‘Get out of my house now, slut’ in Portugese; speak like a porn star in Spanish, and I know that the Chinese use a small piece of sticky-tape to rip the top layer off a piece of paper instead of using twink. In return, I recently sung ‘Ahakama’, the Maori vowel song, at a open mic night in a tiny town in the French wine and castle region of Dordogne; have carefully explained that ‘Morepork’ is a type of bird named after the sound it makes, and therefore its name cannot be translated as un peu plus de porc (a little more pork), and have told a shocked and disgusted Belgian that yes, our national dish probably is fish and chips.

So although I may be failing some of my classes because going to Italy’s that much more exciting than sitting a test, I can certainly leave France knowing that I’ve learnt a lot more than my Academic Transcript will ever represent.

For more gros mots and other exciting tales of life in France, follow my blog www.frenchletter.tumblr.com

Glossary of Gros Mots: (swear words)

Bordel: A mess/shambles, brothel. One of the first words I learnt in France, it was used in reference to the university.
Chiant: Annoying, literally ‘shitting’. Also see: Tu me fait chier: You’re pissing me off, literally ‘you make me shit’, which is probably one of the most graphically satisfying insults ever.
Putain de merde: Fuck, literally ‘prostitute of shit’.

The first thing you learn when you come to France is that the French, for everything that they are, certainly are not an efficient people. Unfortunately for me, this lesson was learnt on my very first day in France, when, having just dragged my wheelie suitcase halfway across town from the train station to the university, I was struck by the Curse of the European Lunch-Break.

Contrary to the idea we have in New Zealand of running errands during your lunch-break, in many European countries the lunch break really is just a time for eating lunch. In Spain they sleep, in Italy they head home for lunch with the family, and in France they simply close up shop. And by ‘close up shop’ I mean, quite literally, that between the hours of 12pm and 2pm all shops, banks, pharmacies, offices, universities and post offices close. You are forced, by these sheer limited opening hours alone, to take a break and just… well… have lunch. And god forbid if you try to do anything else.

One time, for example, a friend and I (forced to do so because everything else was closed) were having a coffee at a cafe sometime between 12-2pm. When we went to pay the bill, there was an awkward moment when we realised that every single staff-member had stopped for lunch, and were now all giving us the evils and willing us to go away, wondering how we could be so inconsiderate as to want to pay while they were eating. In fact, there is a post office near my house that is open each day from 8am-10am, and then again from 3-5.30pm. This means, that with a 5-hour lunch break in its 9.5-hours between open and close, the post office is CLOSED for more hours each day than it is OPEN. The other day I managed to post three parcels there; I threw them onto the counter and ran out the doors, scared that they’d be forced to close before I’d even managed to utter ‘Bonjour’.

And so it was that I found myself, on my first day in France, standing outside a locked and very abandoned-looking international students’ office at some time between 12-2pm. Shit. I was at a total loss. I had no idea where I was living, was suffering from severe sleep-deprivation and couldn’t communicate very effectively with anyone. Not yet familiar with the Opening-Hour Curse, I assumed that the office simply mustn’t have opened yet for the year. So, after sitting down and having a wee cry, followed by a self-motivational pep-talk, I dragged my suitcase all the way back to the train station, bought a phone card and called the international students’ office.

“Hi, I’m an exchange student, I’ve just arrived in France and I was just at the office but it was closed.”

“Closed? What? No. We’re open. Of course we’re open. We’re all here. See you soon.”

The second lesson you’ll learn in France is that the French either proudly defend, or are incredibly indifferent to the – at times crippling – inefficiency of their way of life. Some French will sing to you the many praises of doing nothing at lunchtimes, all-day Sunday and half of Monday (when shops are also shut), such as reducing stress of workers and creating more days for enforced family-time. Others will simply offer you one of two all-purpose, fail-safe, “I don’t care about your problems, foreigner” responses. These are “C’est pas grave” (Don’t worry about it) and “C’est la France” (That’s France).

“Why do I have to wait ten days before the bank will open my account, and then another five before they send me a letter with a code which I then have to take to the bank – but not between 12-2pm – to retrieve my bank card? I can’t wait that long, I have no money left!”

“C’est pas grave.”

“Why has our class inexplicably moved not only to a different room, but also is now going to be taught on a different day AND at a different time, but only for two weeks, after which it changes again?!”

“C’est la France”

But with each day of living here, this French way of life seems a little more natural. Sitting down to have lunch or a coffee (takeaway coffee doesn’t exist here) seems much nicer than their on-run-equivalents; learning to come back after 2pm is a little less grating, and even my stomach has begun to align its hunger with the daily lock-down.

I’ve even begun to regularly utter “C’est pas grave” instead of getting worried when something goes wrong. If anything, “C’est la France” is always a faster and easier option than attempting to explain the inexplicable. Maybe the French aren’t so inefficient, after all.

Until next time, c’est la France!

For more regular updates of my adventures in La Rochelle and beyond, follow www.frenchletter.tumblr.com

Sometime in May last year I decided that I would quite like to live in France for a while.

And that was how, just eight months; several thousand dollars; two interviews; ten application forms; fifty ‘I’ll miss you too’s; one thirty-one-hour plane and five-hour train trip later, I found myself in a little French town called La Rochelle.

I left New Zealand on 3 January, having spent the two weeks prior to that in a tent, hoping to maximise what little summer I could get before plunging myself head first into the depths of a European winter. Having never travelled further from home than Australia, my attitude towards the lengthy flight between New Zealand and France was at first one of extreme excitement – I have somewhat of a penchant for aeroplane meals; my heart-rate quickened at the thought of how many UHT milk capsules I’d get to consume during the 18,533 kilometre stretch.

I believe this excitement peaked upon my touchdown at Sydney International Airport, where I managed to have probably the most fun anyone has ever had during a four-hour stop-over. There I stumbled upon a bonanza of garish Kath and Kim-esque jumpers, a store devoted entirely to The Wiggles, and ‘I <3 Oprah’ tees available at 30% off following the talk-show queen’s departure.

The flight between Sydney and Singapore was a little more sombre. I was watching a pretty heavy TV series about a rapist and the aeroplane meals were starting to clump together in my stomach instead of being digested – probably due to not having really moved at all for about 15 hours. Still, having written numerous essays about Singapore for my politics major, I was pretty excited about my first trip to the city-state – perhaps I’d even catch a few glimpses of their lack of political liberties in the airport terminal!

Unfortunately my visit to Singapore was much more hap-hazard than I’d hoped for. In short, when you’re running from one end of that terminal to the other, motivation levels are not helped by signs that say your gate is “Up to ten minutes” away, when you’ve already been running for five minutes. In fact, before leaving New Zealand I didn’t even know it was possible to have buildings that large.

Shit started to get real on the final Singapore-Paris stretch. The reality that I’d signed myself up for six months in a country full of people I probably wouldn’t be able to understand began to sink in. All of the free newspapers were in French. The air-steward said something about Australia that I didn’t really understand, so was forced to reply with ‘hhrrrruuughghh’. I was too scared to ask for a water because I couldn’t remember if the French word for glass was masculine or feminine. I had no idea how I was going to survive for six months. And I was really thirsty.

Not exactly how I would have hoped to enjoy my first trip to Paris, I managed to spend just twenty minutes in the capital, talking to only two people and never leaving an enclosed space. This was when I was still under the impression that the university actually had its shit together, so when they said that university started on 5 January, I would have to be there, on that date, to start my courses. I certainly had no time to faff around in Paris! (My courses actually started two weeks later – I wasn’t even able to enrol until the 14th. Another exchange student doesn’t start until March. This, as you will see, is a recurring theme at the university.)

My train took five hours in total to reach La Rochelle, and it remained dark until 10am. I had well and truly left summer behind. When I finally got to La Rochelle, whether it was because of my severe sleep deprivation or simply the small-town charm of the place, I immediately fell in love with my new home. I got snap-happy at the train station, maxing out my memory card with hundreds of pictures that all looked the same. And with just twenty kilograms of luggage, twelve lost time-zones and a filled baguette sandwich to my name, I was here.
See you in six months New Zealand.

Follow Fuck Yeah I’m in France as I live it up in La Rochelle, complete with getting hopelessly lost in translation, being mocked by university lecturers, a small rainforest-worth of bureaucratic forms and more bread and cheese than you can shake a baguette at.

“VUWSA won’t be the same without Alan Young!”—Alan Young

Students and candidates hoping to hear the results of the VUWSA General Election were left waiting for over an hour last Thursday at Mount Street Bar. Finally arriving just before 6.30pm, Returning Officer Rowena Tun announced the interim results to a crowd of about 30 students which mainly consisted of candidates and their supporters.

Current Welfare Vice-President Seamus Brady defeated Paul Smith for the role of President by a 70-vote margin. When spoken to by Salient, Brady said he was “stoked” about the result.

“I’m really excited about next year and working with the new exec members. I’m also really glad to have had a competitive opponent.”

Education Vice-President Bridie Hood was re-elected to the position with a convincing 344-vote margin. She was overjoyed with the result.

“I’m really, really excited,” she gushed. “I’ve got big plans and it’s going to be a great year!”

Newly-elected Administration and Welfare Vice-Presidents Daniel Wilson and Asher Emanuel have also been elected to the positions of Clubs Officer and Welfare Officer respectively. Where candidates are elected to more than one position on the VUWSA Exec, they must choose which position they will accept. The remaining position is then offered to the candidate who received the next highest number of votes.

If Wilson and Emanuel choose their Vice-President roles, it is likely that Jeremy Peters and Ta’ase Vaoga will fill the positions of Clubs Officer and Welfare Officer in 2011.

When spoken to by Salient, Emanuel seemed pleased with the opportunities next year has in store.

“It will be a challenging year and a transitional period for VUWSA, but I’m looking forward to working with a strong exec.”

Activities Officer Campbell Herbert was also elected to Publications Committee alongside Lewis van den Berg-Shaw. It is possible for Herbert to hold these roles conjointly, but if he chooses just one of the positions, Jack Riddell and Angus Hodgson are currently placed second in the roles of Activities Officer and Publications Committee respectively.

Both International Students Officer Gao Yuan and Queer Officer Tom Reed managed to defeat the option of no confidence, and Conrad Reyners received 974 votes for the position of University Council Representative, for which, due to a constitutional anomaly, students can only choose to vote for the sole candidate or not
vote at all.

Although official voter turnout figures have not been released, it is likely that only around 1000 students voted in this election, which is a significantly lower figure than in recent years.

There was a mixed mood amongst candidates in the aftermath of the release of results. Beside a delighted Hood, many of the candidates who were successfully elected seemed comparatively unexcited about their new positions.

Current Activities Officer Alan Young told anyone who would listen that “VUWSA won’t be the same without Alan Young!”

President Max Hardy congratulated fellow VUWSA exec members Hood and Brady for their success in the election on his Facebook page.

In the VUWSA office an oversized martini glass was filled with a bizarre concoction of alcoholic beverages to celebrate Brady’s new role as President. It later appeared in the Salient office, delivered by two fairly inebriated VBC staff members, who seemed to have indulged a little too much in Brady’s success.

Final results of the VUWSA General Election will be posted on the VUWSA website and the noticeboard outside the VUWSA Kelburn office in the Student Union Building as soon as they are confirmed.

…actually

VUWSA President Max Hardy and Women’s Rights Officer Caitlin Dunham were successfully elected to the roles of Co-President and National Women’s Rights Officer (NWRO) at the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) Conference early this month.

Held at Palmerston North’s UCOL and hosted by their student association AS@U, the conference ran from Friday to Sunday, with elections held on the Friday night.

Hardy, who was elected alongside current Co-President David Do, was pleased with the result.

“I am very grateful to have the privilege to serve as Co-President in 2011.”

Do and Dunham were both elected in heir first round of voting and Hardy in the second round, ahead of other Co-President candidates, Massey Albany President Rawa Karetai and AS@U President Jo Hymers.

Candidates must have the support of a two-thirds majority in order to be elected. Votes are allocated to each students’ association based on the number of members they have. As reported in last week’s Eye on Exec, VUWSA gave one set of votes to Hardy and the other set to Do, allocating all of their votes to Dunham for the NWRO position.

Major issues currently facing the tertiary sector, such as VSM, changes to student loans and the TEC’s performance-based funding, were also on the agenda for discussion at the conference.

Hardy says that these issues, along with the election, will ensure a busy year for NZUSA in 2011.

“Next year is going to be an absolutely crucial year for NZUSA and students’ associations around the country. We are facing an election campaign, with a Government that has shown a willingness to cut funding to the tertiary education sector, reduce access to loans and question the vital interest-free policy.”

Hardy says that work may also have to be carried out within NZUSA in order to meet the challenges posed by VSM.

“There are also potentially some very big changes around the corner for NZUSA, and I will have the job of ensuring that this happens smoothly and that we come out of it stronger.”

The conference was attended by student leaders from universities and polytechnics around New Zealand and featured Universities New Zealand Chair Derek McCormack as a guest speaker.

Life-long VUWSA devotees Fleur Fitzsimmons and Karen Price were recognised with life-memberships at the AGM held late last month.

Under Part 1, s 6(B)(1) of the VUWSA Consitution, a person can become a life member if they are elected by a two-thirds majority at a general meeting.

Both Fitzsimmons and Price were said to be “thoroughly deserving” of their life-memberships because of their past and ongoing contributions to VUWSA and other students’ associations.

Fitzimmons was President in 2002 and Co-President of the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) in 2003 and 2004, launching a successful review of discrimination agaist women under the student loan scheme. She currently serves on University Council and has formerly served on the VUWSA Trust.

Price served as Vice-President (Welfare) in 2004 and National Women’s Rights Officer for NZUSA in 2005. At Victoria she worked hard for strong childcare services, the Creche Parents Committee rep group and a Women’s space on campus. Price has served on the VUWSA Trust and currently works as a Research and Policy Analyst for NZUSA.

Often overlooked by most students, Salient’s news section has been ripe with gossip, scandal and a whole lotta lols for the most part of 2010. Too lazy to keep up with the weekly tomfoolery at VUWSA, government plots against students, university blunders and in-jokes of the Salient office? Fair. I get paid to be interested in this stuff. But some of what gets printed on these fine pages is actually important and affects you—and your bank balance—on a daily basis. So settle down, get comfortable and prepare yourselves for the whirlwind ride that is The Year in News…

January:

Late in the month the elusive Tertiary Education Minister Anne Tolley handed over the portfolio to Transport Minister Steven Joyce. Under her reign students saw cuts to night classes, the removal of consumer price index adjustments for tertiary funding, and no more Studylink Step-Up and Bonded Merit Scholarships. Too busy fobbing off national standards onto reluctant primary school teachers, Tolley had cancelled numerous speeches at universities and interviews with student media, giving only one interview—to Otago’s Critic—during her time as Tertiary Education Minister. Where Tolley had failed to make contact however, we would certainly be hearing a lot more from Joyce in the months to come…

February:

As your last month of freedom sailed past, new Salient Editor Sarah Robson, still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, pieced together the first issue of the magazine for 2010. Her mental health, attention to personal appearance and ability to string together a sentence was to deteriorate quickly in the coming months.

In a speech to Parliament, John Key foreshadowed dramatic changes to the student loan scheme, saying that something simply had to be done about those who “refuse to take their tertiary studies seriously”. Gulp.

March:

University started for the year, students were optimistic, courses still seemed cool, the sun was still shining and course-related costs were yet to be plundered. Most of us lived in happy ignorance of the bevvy of
changes that would soon face the tertiary sector. But while you wondered whether your summer tan had started to fade and vowed that this year you would start essays before the night before they were
due, all was not quiet on the news front.

Joyce picked up where Key had left off and confirmed a proposal of many students’ worst fears—student loans based on academic performance.

NZUSA got scared of the Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) monster hiding under its bed and launched a Save our Services’ campaign.

VUWSA failed to meet quorum at their Initial General Meeting (IGM) and re-scheduled for April. Earth Hour took place without much consequence, except that the world discovered Rick Giles. Campaigning for his ‘Edison Hour’ alternative, then-ACT on Campus President Giles made national news with his argument that was “so powerful that it’s not necessary to talk about it”. His wisdom was swiftly captured on a Mr Vintage tee, but poor Giles was toppled from his role and replaced by Victoria’s own Peter McCaffrey.

VUWSA President Max Hardy bit the bullet and announced that VUWSA would lay a wreath at ANZAC day, having learnt from the mistakes of ghosts of presidents past.

April:

Easter and the mid-trimester break came and went in a blur of chocolate and too many assignments. “It’s not a holiday as such, but a study break,” our lecturers warned. Pfft, whatever.

Back from the break, Victoria’s Architecture and Design School proved its merit when a team was accepted as one of only 20 worldwide to take part in the annual US Department of Energy Solar Decathlon.

Joyce continued to make threats about nasty changes to the student loan scheme, many of which were to come into force later in the year.

VUWSA failed again to hold its IGM when the elusive quorum declined to make an appearance. Maybe third time lucky, VUWSA?

May:

Making things hard for students seemed to be the flavour of the month, with alcohol age legislation changes, tertiary funding cuts in the budget and the early closing of enrolments on the agenda. A Law
Commission Report re-ignited the debate about raising the alcohol purchase age and student groups rallied together to oppose a change. The 2010 Budget brought a raft of changes that would prove unpleasant
for students, including performance requirements for—and lifetime limits on—student loans. In short, if you were failing, or intended to stay at university for a double degree, honours and masters, things were looking pretty grim. Victoria University closed enrolments to new students for the remainder of 2010, when
it was discovered that the university just didn’t have the dollah, dollah billz, yo.

The first Select Committee hearing on the VSM bill was held, which marked the beginning of a process that would be dragged out until late September.

On a lighter note, Wishbone opened on campus, hundreds of students graduated and VUWSA finally managed to meet quorum and hold its IGM.

June:

Most of June was spent studying, sitting exams and celebrating the freedom that comes with being on holiday between trimesters (unless you’re unfortunate enough to have to take full-year papers). Nothing interesting happened, and, even if it did, you were probably too drunk to realise.

July:

The start of the second trimester saw a new wave of optimism among students. Even if you hadn’t taken proper notes/prepared for tutorials/started assignments early last semester, there was still another half of 2010 in which to make yourself the perfect student. With the benefit of hindsight, there was no way things were ever going to change, but at least we can dream, right?

July was an exciting month for VUWSA, who finally managed to organise a by-election to fill the vacant positions on the VUWSA Exec. Clubs Officer Fraser Pearce made things difficult for everyone by resigning a week after nominations opened, meaning that the exec had to co-opt Marsha Kupriyenko into the role
instead of allowing it to be contested at the by-election.

Students were given the opportunity to bitch and moan about the $500 student services levy in the SSALAC consultation, he results of which would come in handy when VUWSA negotiated fees with the
university in September.

Joyce spoke at Victoria, proposing a number of changes to the tertiary sector that would be implemented in the coming months. Following the government’s decision to base access to student loans on the academic performance of students, Joyce announced his intention to extend this practice to universities, who would
soon have to vie for funding by improving their purported performance.

August:

VUWSA successfully held its by-election, no confidence failed to win a significant number of votes, and all vacant positions were filled.

Brad Pitt was rumoured to have touched down in Wellington and Salient bid on, won and had delivered a garlic naan that he purportedly ate half of. Miraculously, it has yet to grow any mould. On a sadder note, the library cat and university mascot Sandy Rankine passed away after a long and happy life.

August was also the month in which the government became obsessed with student loan debt, with Key visiting Weir House and musing on the possibility of re-introducing interest to student loans and Peter Dunne announcing his plans to track down overseas student loan debt. Yeah Dunne, like that was ever going to work.

University Hall closed the doors on applications from groups of domestic students for 2011, pissing off those
who had their sights set on one of the university’s 52 student flats.

Joyce confirmed the changes he had hinted at earlier in the year, announcing that from 2012, five per cent of university funding would be based on universities’ performance, as assessed by the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC).

September:

Christchurch’s 7.1 earthquake left the country feeling shaken, University of Canterbury students without a study week and, with the passing of the Canterbury Earthquake Response and Recovery Act, New Zealand’s democratic integrity in tatters.

Victoria announced the introduction of a new Hall of Residence for first years to have awkward, drunken sex
in; Winston Peters turned up at Vic, apparently forgetting that the average age of his supporters is three times that of most students; and the university closed most cafes on campus to make way for the Campus Hub Redevelopment, depriving students of much-needed noms.

A former student took the university to court to challenge a plagiarism finding made against her, and the Salient website was bombarded with comments about how hot she was.

Nine Salient staff travelled to Auckland for the Aotearoa Student Press Association Awards, scoring second in the Best Publication category, four first placings, and twelve placings overall. The
Select Committee report on the VSM bill was returned to Parliament with both the Committee’s and National government’s approval. Students’ associations freaked the fuck out while right-wing student
politicians celebrated.

The university confirmed a four per cent increase in fees for 2011, but did not increase the student services levy, thanks to the results of the SSALAC Consultation and significant campaigning by VUWSA.

October:

Most of the news for October was preoccupied with the VUWSA General Elections, which culminated in the results being announced over an hour late in Mount Street Bar last Thursday. For full details see page 8, there’s no way I’m writing all of that out again.

Well readers, it’s been a pleasure taking you on this journey through the news you could use in 2010. Funny, crazy, scary, stupid—the news is many things, but most of all, it is stuff that actually happened that you should be interested in. So if you’re planning on re-modelling yourself as a perfect student for 2011, don’t bother—it’s never going to happen. But do read the news, because it’ll take you to some magical, magical places.

Exhibition proves to be shit show

Melbourne-based student artist Georgie Mattingley has caused controversy with her art exhibition Life is Delicious, which features artworks that are made from painted samples of her poo.

The show opened last Thursday at the Kingston Arts Centre, following a decision by the Kingston Council that Mattingley’s three excrement artworks would be allowed to be shown with the rest of her work.

The three works show brightly coloured samples of her faeces enclosed with flowers, leaves and crystals in resin spheres.

The 21-year-old says she became interested in changing the colour of her number twos when she was just 13.

“I’ve done everything I can to turn something so vulgar and repulsive into something so beautiful and spiritual.”

Mattingley was pleased the council had allowed her to include the contentious pieces in the exhibition.

“Hopefully now people can come along and contemplate the pieces for themselves.

“They can make a personal decision on whether it’s vulgar or not.”

Dunedin doctors win award for mad skillz

A group of Dunedin doctors won an Ig Nobel prize recently for their innovative research into preventing slips in the city’s often icy conditions.

Following extensive tests with groups of students, the doctors discovered that wearing socks over shoes does decrease the chances of slipping on icy surfaces.

The doctors were pleased with their award.

“Obviously our research was lighthearted, albeit related to an underlying important public health issue—falls—so we think (winning an Ig Nobel) is fun,” Dr Lianne Parkin said.

The Ig Nobels are awarded worldwide annually to strange and silly research projects.

Other recipients this year include a group who collected whale snot using a remote-control helicopter and a team who examined the sex life of fruit bats. Fascinating.

Primary school wins cool prize

Frozen water has never been so exciting

Students at an Australian primary school were delighted when they won the opportunity to have 15 tonnes of snow dumped on their school property recently.

Normally used to 30 degree temperatures, after winning Yoplait’s ‘Win a Snow Blasted School Yard’ competition, the Cairns students were treated to a ‘snow day’, complete with a snow slide, snow ball fights and a blizzard machine.

Despite the slightly bizarre prize, the students seemed very pleased with their winnings.

“We live in Cairns so it is always either hot or raining, having snow is very unusual but very fun,” one student said.

In a drunken ramble late on Salient’s final production night or 2010, News Editor Molly McCarthy revealed that for he eleven issues she’d been in charge of, most of the news section had in fact been falsified.

“Week That Wasn’t!” she slurred, “More like week-that-all-I-could-actually-be-fucked-researching! LOL!”

When quizzed by fellow Salienteers, McCarthy admitted that for most issues, the section labelled ‘Week that Wasn’t’ was in fact the only section of the news that was true. In most cases, the other six pages of news were written late on the magazine’s Thursday production nights, with little regard for journalistic integrity or indeed the truth. From what staffers could gather, many of these stories were written while under the influence of some description of illicit substance.

McCarthy spent most of the rest of her time researching off-the-wall stories for the Week That Wasn’t. Her
investigative piece about the UK Leaders’ slumber party was dismissed by most major news sources because of its classification as false news.

“Why did I do it?! Why? For the lols, it was all for the lols,” she burped.

“Every week people would think it was real, and people who thought it was false would laugh at them. But I would have the last laugh, cause I said it was fake, but it was all real. ALL REAL!”

Editor Sarah Robson was disappointed that McCarthy had let these international news pieces go to waste simply or ‘the lols’.

“Goddammit, we could have bagged ourselves another ASPA if only she’d revealed that an Upper Hutt girl
ACTUALLY WAS immaculately impregnated with Justin Bieber’s baby.”

Salient will now have to provide the university, students and VUWSA with an official apology regarding all the fake news that was published under the guise of real news.

VUWSA President Max Hardy was disappointed with the revelation.

“To think I was worried sick every week about how Iwould come across to my students in the news section of Salient! I was sure I hadn’t said half of the stuff they had quoted me on… Although as president, it is hard to keep track of the genius I come up with on a daily basis.”

Salienteers will now undertake a review to ensure that the incorrect stories on the magazine’s website are rectified, which appears to be a daunting task. Just how many of the stories were complete bullshit remains unknown, as McCarthy was unable to provide an official figure by the time Salient went to print.

“Shit the bed! I don’t know, don’t ask me, I need a nap,” she mumbled, curling up on the office’s fluoro cock bear and proceeding to snore loudly for the duration of production night.

Voluntary student membership (VSM) looks virtually certain to be introduced after the Education and Science select committee recommended the Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill be passed into law with only minor changes late last month.

The Act Party’s bill is almost guaranteed to become law after the National Government indicated it would support the bill through its second and third readings in Parliament.

Students’ associations and leaders around New Zealand condemned the committee’s decision, which came despite 98 per cent of submissions opposing the legislation. The Committee considered 4837 submissions after submissions closed on 31 March.

Most student leaders were outraged that, despite widespread opposition to the bill, it was endorsed by the select committee.

VUWSA President Max Hardy strongly opposed the decision and the effect it would have on services for students, including Victoria University’s Campus Hub development.

“Student support services, advocacy, representation, clubs, events and our contribution to major building projects like the recently tendered $62 million Campus Hub are now at serious risk.

“This decision, which flies in the face of 98 per cent of the submissions on the Bill, puts in jeopardy the quality of education and the student experience across New Zealand.

“VUWSA will be put in a position where it can no longer continue its significant contribution to students and to education at Victoria.”

Shortly after the select committee report was released, the Young Nats issued a press release in which they were strongly supportive of the Committee’s decision, saying, “this Government is giving choice back to students, and for that it should be applauded”.

The reality of VSM is that many smaller and less financially secure students’ associations are unlikely to survive in a meaningful form. A PricewaterhouseCoopers study commissioned by the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) reported that revenues from membership fees would all but dry up, leaving smaller associations without significant asset bases at risk of collapsing.

Concerns have also been raised in several quarters that the only real effect of the bill will be to shift the costs of student services and make them less transparent. Auckland University Student’s Association (AUSA) led the outcry over the shifting of costs, saying in a press release that VSM is a failed model which will ultimately end up costing students more for the same service levels. AUSA Education Vice-President Alex Nelder says “to provide the services we used to provide, the University of Auckland has one of the highest student services levies in the country. Students have no say over how high this fee is set, or where the money goes. The fee is much higher than at other campuses nationwide”.

The effects of VSM on students’ associations will not become apparent until at least 2012, as the bill is not intended to pass into law in time to affect operations for 2011.

The Candidates’ Forum held last Tuesday at 1pm in Mount Street Bar attracted a surprisingly large crowd. Following the by-election Candidate Forum’s audience of just six people in July, the crowd of 60 students on Tuesday was impressive.

Apart from two students who left quickly after realising their drinks had been gate-crashed by VUWSA, and a group of students who spent much of the time on the couches texting and listening to music, most of the audience were actually there to hear what the candidates had to say, or at the very least, were candidates themselves.

Returning Officer Rowena Tun ran the proceedings, welcoming everyone at the bar, introducing each candidate and cutting overzealous speeches short when they ran over time.

Particularly memorable speakers were Publications Committee Representative candidate Josh van Veen, who controversially described Salient as “fifty-five pages of toilet humour, inside jokes and trashy journalism”, and Activities Officer candidate Jack Riddell, who, when quizzed on how he would use the university’s new facilities, responded “throw parties and stuff, trash the shit out of them”.

The likely introduction of voluntary student membership (VSM) was a popular topic for most candidates, including Welfare Vice President candidate Asher Emanuel who said he wouldn’t talk about VSM, but then did anyway.

Former presidential candidate Gao Yuan, now only running for International Officer, failed to make an appearance.

Remaining presidential hopefuls Seamus Brady and Paul Smith campaigned with markedly opposite approaches, Brady citing his two and a half years’ experience with VUWSA and Smith claiming that with the approach of VSM, there was a lot to be said for having a fresh face at VUWSA.

An interview with Smith and Brady can be found on page 18 of this week’s issue of Salient.

A full list of candidates and their blurbs can be found in the election supplement in this issue, on the VUWSA noticeboard outside the Kelburn VUWSA Office, or on the VUWSA website www.vuwsa.org.nz.

The election results will be published in next week’s issue of Salient, announced on VBC and a notice will be placed on the VUWSA website and VUWSA noticeboard. All candidates will be notified by email.

For those students interested in hearing the results in person, the Returning Officer will also be announcing the results in the Mount Street Bar on Thursday 7 October at approx 5.15pm.

…kinda

Salient scored four first place awards at the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Awards on Saturday 25 September, but just missed out on Best Publication, placing second behind Otago University’s magazine Critic.

Held at Auckland’s Romfords, the awards were hosted by 3News entertainment reporter David Farrier, and were attended by a number of student media types from magazines around the country.

Salient’s Elle Hunt and Uther Dean picked up Best Feature Writer and Best Reviewer respectively, Juliette Wanty shared Best Cover with AUT’s Debate and Massey Albany’s Satellite, and Salient’s series on the closure of enrolments shared the title of Best Education Series with Critic.

Other placings included Lauren Priestley’s second for Best Unpaid News, Juliette Wanty’s second for Best Design, Molly McCarthy’s second Best Paid News and Best Humour Writer (shared with InUnison and Craccum) and Liz Willoughby-Martin’s third Best Columnist (shared with Gyro). Salient also placed second equal for Best Original Photography and third equal in the Best Website and Best Headline categories. Free wine and calamari flowed freely, with a number of staff stealing bottles of wine from other tables when the three allocated bottles ran out.

Despite missing out on the glory of Best Publication, Salient staffers felt the ASPAs went well overall and even awarded themselves first places in the ‘Babelient’ and Best Team Spirit categories.

A more informal account of the awards can be found in the centre-fold of this week’s issue of Salient.

I generally try to avoid the VUWSA exec like the plague. Having to read Lewis’ fortnightly accounts of the Exec’s hijinks is as close as I like to get.

However when Max Hardy visited the Salient office at 3.55pm on Wednesday to inform us that the meeting would start in five minutes (instead of at the usual 5.30pm), there is not much one can do about it.

So, with Lewis unable to make it to the office in five minutes, I headed downstairs to VUWSA for my first ever Exec Meeting.

And oh, the hilarity that ensued.

The meeting was at first delayed five minutes for James Sleep to clean the table on which the AGM’s giant sandwich had been prepared on. Max offered his apologies.

“Sorry, Molly, VUWSA’s just cleaning the table.”

The meeting then commenced, with the absence of Alan Young (sick), Craig Carey (jilted when Max changed the time) and Marsha Kupriyenko (toilet).

Minutes from the last meeting were not included in the agenda because Bridie Hood’s computer “exploded”, so it was straight on to the exec work reports.

All of these passed with very little trouble, with the exception of Young’s.

Because Young was absent, the exec quizzed Kupriyenko on Young’s recorded 26 hours of work in the last fortnight. Other than a 30 minute exec meeting and two hours at the Student Fees Forum, Richard Carr said it was difficult to see how Young had worked a remaining 23.5 hours, most of which was probably email correspondence. Kupriyenko said Young was “very helpful for Faith Week”, so the exec decided to defer making a decision on his work report, despite Kupriyenko’s request to “just pass it, eh”.

Hardy hadn’t typed up his work report so then proceeded to deliver an oral work report, which he has to type up by Friday—a task he said would be “really hard, but I guess I can do it”.

Hardy’s fortnight was a busy—and objectively pretty boring—one, consisting of NZUSA stuff, Uni Council stuff, fee-setting stuff and orientation stuff.

Hardy took this opportunity to seamlessly segue into his next topic—Orientation 2011. The exec were asked to submit their ideas on how to make a “radical improvement” to orientation, in order to attract a target 4000 students. Ideas thrown around included targeting older and returning students, offering not-so-traditional events and a festival in Kelburn Park that could incorporate Clubs Day and feature performances by New Zealand School of Music students. Cool.

Next up was the exec’s decision of who they would allocate their votes to for the position of Co-President in the upcoming NZUSA elections. Hardy is standing for the role alongside current Co-President David Do and two other student association presidents. The exec debated the credentials of each candidate for 15 minutes before deciding to allocate half of their votes to Do and the others to Hardy. All votes were also allocated to Caitlin Dunham for National Women’s Rights Officer.

The exec voted to continue to oppose VSM and recognised the Science Society as a Representative Group.

Hardy had a bit of trouble with describing the nature of the Science Society, it went a little like this: “So they have a club for science students… students who study science… various sciences at Victoria… students of science… A club for students who study science at Victoria University.”

The meeting ended shortly afterwards at 4.54pm, with Carey arriving just one minute afterwards.

Poor Craig.

Thanks for the lols, VUWSA, I’ll be back again.

Small potatoes deemed to be equally as enjoyable

Famous Wellington student bar The Big Kumara seems to have lost loyal support from a number of students recently.

The bar’s manager approached Salient early last week with concerns about the rapidly dropping average number of patrons. According to staff, The Big Kumara just “isn’t the place it used to be”.

“We’ve noticed the bar is often much emptier than it normally is, and there just isn’t that, you know, vibe—that smell of teen spirit.”

Salient sent a number of staffers to the bar on its famous half-price Wednesday to investigate whether these claims were true. All reported noticing something different about the bar upon entry.

“It was just… weird. Like some sort of ghost town. When there’s no one in there, it’s just sort of creepy, to be honest.”

Staff found no students vomiting in the toilet, no one dancing on the pole, no players on the safari game and most of the surfaces weren’t even sticky.

Upon leaving however, a number of Salienteers encountered problems.

“When we looked like we were about to leave the staff started going all funny. Like, staring at us and moving towards the door… I think one was sobbing, actually.”

The Salient staffers were forced to stay for another hour before they could leave without invoking a reaction from Big Kumara staff.

“Yeah, I thought it was going to be awful staying there. But the drinks… they’re just so fucking cheap!

“Sure it’s a bit shit, but cheap drinks, man!”

The Big Kumara’s manager has said bar staff are looking at a number of ways to increase numbers and return the bar to its former glory.

“We’d like to increase fun, educational and recreational events at the bar. We’re currently looking into a number of classier events, such as wet t-shirt nights and jelly-wrestling—you know, events for all ages.”

Kar drivers go Krazy for K-Fry

When other headlines fail, a poor attempt at alliteration often works (Salient—3rd Best Headline)

New Plymouth’s Kentucky Fried Chicken ‘restaurant’ was the cause of a major traffic jam late last month when it finally opened after being closed since July for a $1.5 million makeover.

The store was almost immediately filled with customers when it reopened and the line of cars for the drive-through trapped a number of vehicles in the car park of the Spudz fruit and vegetable store next door.

The Spudz carpark was also the site of many car clampings and towings as KFC-hungry customers risked parking there when the KFC carpark was full.

“There were five cars in a row clamped here on Friday and I think the same happened on Saturday,” said Spudz worker Jenny Laird.

Despite having to wait up to 40 minutes to be served at the store, many customers said the wait was well worth it.

“A few of my friends took the day off school to come down and get their chicken. It’s definitely better than before. Mind you, it might just be our minds playing tricks on us.”

Segway Strikes Back

Notoriously geeky form of transport proves it’s actually pretty bad-ass, kills someone

CEO and owner of Segway brand Jimi Heselden died late last month in a freak accident when he rode one of his very own segways off a cliff.

In a painfully ironic twist of events, Heselden died at the scene after falling into a wharf while riding his Segway near his home in West Yorkshire.

He was worth £166 million and ranked among the richest people in the UK.

Local Body Politics gets Nasty

Far from the apathy usually associated with New Zealand’s local body politics, the mayor of a small town in Peru recently had the skull of his father stolen by unknown enemies.

The thieves, who took the skull from his father’s grave, refuse to return the skull until Mayor Rogelio Vizcarra drops out of the upcoming re-election.

Vizcarra received a text message from the thieves detailing their political ransom. He still plans to run in the election.

Given these dirty tactics, Wellington mayoral hopeful Jack Yan may want to re-think uploading the details of his mother’s grave-site on Twitter.

Australia’s Next Top Model Host Fucks Up Majorly

She ain’t no Tyra

The winner’s excitement during the finale of Australia’s Next Top Model last week unfortunately failed to last long when she was informed that she wasn’t in fact the winner.

After thanking everyone who had helped her and performing the requisite squeals/shocked face, contestant Kelsey Martinovich was then informed that Amanda Ware was actually the real winner, because host Sarah Murdoch had made a “complete accident”.

“I don’t know what to say right now … I’m feeling a bit sick about this,” Murdoch said.

“It was fed to me wrong.

“This is what happens when you have live TV folks, this is insane, insane, insane.”

Martinovich appeared to take the faux-win remarkably well, telling Murdoch not to worry.

“It’s okay, it’s an honest mistake, it’s fine, it’s alright.”

Things are heating up for the upcoming VUWSA General Election.

When Salient went to print on Thursday, just a day before nominations closed at 5pm on Friday, 20 candidates had been nominated for the various positions to be contested at the election.

Presidential candidates Seamus Brady and Gao Yuan have been joined by Paul Smith, but as of Thursday there was still no confirmation as to whether ACT on Campus President Peter McCaffrey would also be standing.

Richard Carr and Bridie Hood now face competition in their currently-held roles that they are standing for again, as Daniel Wilson and Alex Johnson have been nominated for Administration and Education Vice President respectively. Wilson is also standing for Clubs Officer.

Other candidates are Craig Carey and Yuan for Welfare Vice President; Yuan and Nicholas Cross for Education Officer; Yuan for International Students Officer; Johnson for Campigns Officer; Wilbur Townsend for Environment Officer; Angus Hodgson and Lewis van den Berg Shaw for Publications Committee; Necia Johnston and Johanna McDavitt for Women’s Rights Officer and Conrad Reyners for University Council Representative.

The university’s Debating Society appears to be making a strong showing in the General Election, with debaters Smith, Wilson, Cross and McDavitt all standing for places on 2011’s exec.

A full list of candidates and their profiles will be available in next week’s issue of Salient.

All candidates will have the opportunity to appeal for votes at the Candidates’ Forum, held at Mount Street Bar at 1pm on Tuesday this week.

Voting opens on Friday, with students able to vote at polling booths located at all the university’s campuses or online via the email address they provided to the university when they enrolled.

Have a munch on faith sausages

Students had the opportunity to celebrate and learn about faith and religion in the quad on Tuesday and Wednesday for VUWSA’s Faith Fest.

Resurrecting resigned VUWSA Clubs Officer Fraser Pearce’s plans for a faith week, current Clubs Officer Masha Kupriyenko organised a number of faith-related events for students with the help of a number of religious student clubs.

On both days students could enjoy a free lunch at the ‘Last Supper BBQ’, which was manned by VUWSA staff and featured a poster of Leonardo Da Vinci’s famous Last Supper painting.

The Kelburn campus quad was also home to a speaker system blasting a Christian radio station, bowls of treats, and displays and performances from a number of the religious clubs on campus.

Students spoken to by Salient seemed most excited about the free food on offer.

“Yeah, I’m not actually religious, but I thought I’d just get a sausage anyway… Thanks God!”

Kupriyenko says she was pleased with how Faith Fest had turned out after Tuesday’s events.

“We had an epic day with a live acoustic act and dancers from Dance with Me. Thousands of sausages given out and lots of interesting faith related stalls from the clubs.

“I think Faith Fest is something that hasn’t being done before, or at least not in the last five years.”

Yeah! It’s a party iN Zee USA!

The New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) will look a little more like VUWSA’s Executive in the coming months with the appointment of Caitlin Dunham and possible election of Max Hardy to its ranks.

VUWSA Women’s Rights Officer Caitlin Dunham was co-opted into the role of National Women’s Rights Officer last week, following the resignation of Sophia Blair in July.

As well as a Women’s Rights Officer, NZUSA also has two elected Co-Presidents. In 2010 the Co-Presidents are David Do and Pene Delaney.

VUWSA President Max Hardy will stand for Co-President for 2011, alongside Do who is running for another term. Massey University Albany’s President Rawa Karetai and UCOL’s AS@U President Jo Hymers are also standing for the positions.

Elections will take place on Friday evening at the NZUSA conference.

Where in the world is Paul Zhong?

Recently elected VUWSA International Officer Paul Zhong has now been ‘deemed to be resigned’ following his failure to attend any VUWSA exec meetings.

Elected to the position in August’s by-election, Zhong defeated no confidence with a convincing 604 votes. Unfortunately this successful beginning failed to continue.

According to part III, section 5 of the VUWSA Constitution: “If any Executive member is absent from three (3) consecutive ordinary meetings, Council of Student Delegate Meetings, and General Meetings without first being granted leave by the Executive she/he shall be deemed to have resigned”.

VUWSA President Max Hardy told Salient that VUWSA would look to co-opting someone into the position following the general election.

“It is disappointing that Paul did not fulfill his role, as there is some good work to be done in that portfolio.”

The position of International Officer on 2011’s VUWSA exec will be contested in the upcoming General Election. When Salient went to print on Thursday, only Gao Yuan had been nominated for the position. Yuan is also standing for President, Welfare Vice-President and Education Officer.

VUWSA and the university have been working together recently in an attempt to keep Go Wellington bus fares as low as possible for students.

On 1 October NZ Bus will introduce a number of changes to their prices, including the removal of a number of monthly travel deals.

The $99 Gold Pass, which allows for unlimited travel for one month in zones 1-3, will be removed and replaced with two new monthly Snapper card deals.

The Go Wellington 30 Day Pass and the GetAbout 30 Day Pass, which cost $135 and $185, offer unlimited travel for 30 days in zones 1-3 and all zones respectively.

VUWSA President Max Hardy told Salient last week that VUWSA and the university are currently petitioning the Greater Wellington regional council to introduce a $99 tertiary education pass for students.

“We wanted to reduce the cost of the Gold Pass, but at the very least we’d like to keep the pass at that price.”

As reported in Salient in July, the regional council met in June to debate an increase to bus prices, ultimately ruling in favour of a 2.5 per cent increase across the board.

Details of all of the price changes can be found on the Go Wellington website www.gowellingtonbus.co.nz

By the time the sun rises on Monday morning and the magazine stands are filled with the freshest copies of this very magazine, it will be public knowledge whether or not Salient is New Zealand’s finest student magazine for 2010.

Held this year at Auckland’s Romfords, the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Awards is an annual event to recognise and celebrate the achievements of New Zealand’s student media.

Last year Salient won six ASPAs, including Best Publication, Best Cover and Best Feature Writer.

Nine Salienteers will have attended the awards ceremony on Saturday, with eight spending Friday night at Hamilton’s finest bars and clubs, including Outback, which has been described as being “like an STI under a microscope”.

When spoken to on Wednesday, Salient Editor Sarah Robson began laughing and crying hysterically. After drying her tears on the office’s fluoro cock bear, Robson seemed disinterested in the upcoming awards.

“I’ve won a Qantas Media Award, ASPAs don’t even matter. Can we stop talking about them?”

Keep an eye out in next week’s Salient or on the website for details of the awards (if any) that your friendly student magazine won.

The life achievements of two professors are soon to be acknowledged through Victoria University’s granting of two honorary doctorates.

Professors Sir Paul Callaghan and Jack Richards will receive their honorary degrees of Doctor of Science and Doctor of Literature at the December graduation ceremony and a graduation ceremony in 2011, respectively.

Callaghan is a leading expert in the field of nuclear magnetic resonance and is also the founding director of Victoria’s MacDiarmid Institute for Advanced Materials and Nanotechnology.

His nationally and internationally recognised work has led to the founding of Wellington-based scientific instruments supplier Magritek Ltd and the publication of the book Wool to Weta, which details Callaghan’s vision for New Zealand’s future science and technology-based economy.

Vice-Chancellor Pat Walsh says that Callaghan’s contributions have had a significant impact on the country.

“In addition to his own prolific work and cutting-edge research, he has made significant contributions to communicating science to the wider community and has added significantly to the debate about technology and its role in ensuring New Zealand’s future prosperity.”

Callaghan’s soon-to-be-awarded honorary degree will be the latest in a number of prizes and tokens of recognition for his work, including the prestigious Ampere Prize for research in magnetic resonance, the Günther Laukien Prize for Magnetic Resonance, the Rutherford Medal and his appointment as a Principal Companion of the New Zealand Order of Merit in 2006.

Richards, who graduated from Victoria with a Master of Arts in 1966, has since gained international recognition for his extensive work in foreign and second language teaching, having written more than 60 articles and 20 books.

Richards has also sponsored numerous art and education initiatives including support for the Tairawhiti Museum in Gisborne and scholarships to students in the Toihoukura programme at Tairawhiti Polytechnic in Gisborne.

Walsh says that Richards’ “generous spirit is enriching the arts and education in New Zealand and internationally.”

It’s a Dog’s Life for Boomer

An American man recently left a court disappointed because the judge refused to allow him to legally change his name to ‘Boomer the Dog’.

Gary Guy Matthews, 44, petitioned to change his name because of his involvement in the furry community, where individuals write fiction and attend conventions to share their enjoyment of animals with human characteristics and personalities.

Inspired by TV show Here’s Boomer, Matthews enjoys dressing up as a dog and has made a name for himself among other furries.

Judge Ronald W Folino rejected Matthews’ petition because he said the name could cause confusion with emergency services, business and public records.

“Although Petitioner apparently wishes it were otherwise, the simple fact remains that Petitioner is not a dog.”

Mr the Dog will just have to remain Matthews’ unofficial title.

On Yer Bike!

Prisoners pedal to freedom

Two British teenagers escaped their juvenile detention centre on bikes they were given to undertake a cycling test recently.

Connor Dewhurst, 14, and Sam Thomas, 13, were allowed to leave their detention centre to sit a cycling proficiency test that all young Britons must take before they can ride on the road.

Once released the pair sped off on their bikes for eleven kilometres until they reached the nearest major train station.

They have not yet been caught.

What’s in a name?

New Pornographers get banned thanks to x-rated name

US indie band the New Pornographers had a show cancelled recently because the school they were booked to play at deemed their name too rude.

The “distinctly Christian, academically excellent, always reforming” Calvin College in Michigan pulled the show because the name of the band was seen to cause too many problems.

“After weeks of discussion and consideration, the irony of the band’s name was impossible to explain to many.”

The band have since posted a notice on their website explaining how fans can obtain a refund for the cancelled show.

Naan, but not forgotten

Salient’s prized Brad Pitt half-eaten garlic naan is still intact and mould-free, despite being nearly two months old.

Last reported on in Issue 19, the naan is still proudly on display in the office, but has recently changed its location as it was ‘creeping out’ a Salient staffer who had been spending long periods of time staring at it.

Although mould is yet to appear on the naan’s garlicy surface, its grease shadow has spread to full capacity and cracks in the naan have grown wider.

Many visitors to the office have been fascinated with the naan and its incredible inability to cultivate any mould.

Maybe it is warded off by Brad Pitt’s lingering magical DNA. Salient may have to start taking bets on the mould’s ETA.

An unfortunate typo in Victoria University’s 2010 budget has left the university with $537,000 allocated to ‘leaning support’, rather than learning support.

Somehow managing to go unnoticed until early this month, half of the budget figure has already been spent on leaning supports for the university. This has left the Learning Support Department with just half of their normal budget allowance.

Meanwhile, over 500 leaning supports have been installed across Victoria’s four campuses, paid for by the budget typo and purchased and fitted by Campus Rest Services.

The leaning supports have been fixed to a number of corners and posts around the campuses, and provide a convenient and comfortable support for students who wish to have a rest at university.

Campus Rest Services were extremely pleased to discover the size of their 2010 budget allocation, having been granted less than $100 annually for the past decade.

Manager Isla Jones says staff at Campus Rest Services assumed the large allocation was a result of their multimedia leaning support proposal in late 2009.

“We went all-out with the proposal because this was a really important issue for students.

“We had a colourful powerpoint presentation, fancy 3D headers, sound-effects, the works. It was quite something.”

Made of a sustainable wood product and covered with a cushioned leather surface, the leaning supports are designed to provide stable and comfortable support for students who would otherwise lean against hard wall surfaces.

Jones says that the leaning supports are an integral part of making students’ experience at university more positive.

“We all know what it’s like to have a hard day, and when you have to rub shoulders with a rough brick wall it’s just that much worse.”

Unable to amend the problem after the leaning supports had been purchased, the university is now faced with the task of reallocating resources to help make up for the Learning Support Department’s deficit.

A number of departments have had to donate office stationery to the Learning Support Department after it was discovered that staff were stealing pens from local banks because of a lack of funding.

Two professional proofreaders have also been hired to meticulously check the 2011 budget for any similar typos.

General insanity ensues

Nominations for the VUWSA General Elections have now been open for just over one week, with the opportunity to run for a position in the VUWSA Executive in 2011 closing this Friday at 4.30pm.

Current VUWSA Welfare Vice-President Seamus Brady and Gao Yuan are standing for the role of President in 2011.

Yuan is also nominated for Vice-President (Welfare), Education Officer and International Students Officer.

Richard Carr, Bridie Hood and Conrad Reyners will all stand for their respective positions of Vice-President (Administration),Vice-President (Education) and University Council Representative again in 2011.

The roles of Women’s Rights Officer, Queer Officer, Environmental Officer, Clubs Officer, Activities Officer, Welfare Officer, Campaigns Officer, Education Officer and two Publications Committee positions had received no nominations when Salient went to print.

There is also a rumour that ACT on Campus President Peter McCaffrey will stand for VUWSA President. The Facebook page ‘Peter McCaffrey’ features a display picture with the text ‘President McCaffrey’, a statement that McCaffrey is currently running for VUWSA President and a number of messages of support.

When contacted by Salient to confirm whether he intended to run, McCaffrey replied with “No comment ;)”.

Despite being appointed on Friday 3 September, Returning Officer only contacted Salient with election details late last week. Salient has still not received official voter turnout figures from the VUWSA by-election in early August, despite making several requests for these figures.

Voting runs from Friday 1 October until Thursday 7 October, when results of the election will be announced. Students will be able to vote either online or at polling stations located on campus.

A Candidates Forum, which gives candidates the chance to sell themselves to students, will take place in the week before voting starts.

Salient will feature election updates and information over the course of the election, including an interview with presidential candidates.

Candidates’ profiles will appear in Issue 23 of Salient, which will be released on Monday 4 October. Final results of the General Election will be included in the final issue of Salient.

A Special Council Meeting held on Monday 20 September at 3pm will determine how much students will have to fork out to study at Victoria University in 2011.

At the meeting, the University Council will resolve whether to approve the proposed amendments to the Fees Statute, which were recommended for approval by the Finance Committee last Monday.

The amendments suggest an increase in all tuition fees to the maximum allowance, an increase of four per cent to all government-funded courses at the New Zealand School of Music and no increase of the Student Services Levy for 2011.

Fee increases have currently been predicted at four per cent, in accordance with the maximum increase outlined in the government’s Fee and Course Cost Maxima. As this figure has not yet been confirmed by the government, fees could rise more than four per cent for 2011. The Executive Summary states that if the maximum allowable increase is greater than four per cent, the fees recommendation will go back to University Council for further consideration before a higher fee increase is approved.

VUWSA President Max Hardy told Salient that he thought an increase of more than four per cent was unlikley.

Figures provided in the council papers show that currently, most Victoria undergraduate fees are lower than other universities. The report says that these figures are important in providing “market context” for setting student fees.

Hardy told Salient that undergraduate courses at University of Auckland are, in fact, cheaper than Victoria’s, but because more papers are required for a degree, the cost of obtaining an undergraduate degree was more expensive.

The recommendation that the Student Services Levy remain fixed for 2011 (excluding GST) is a direct result of the Memorandum of Understanding signed between the university and VUWSA. The resulting Student Services and Amenities Levy Advisory Committee (SSALAC) Consultation showed that student feedback generally supported keeping the levy as low as possible for 2011. Hardy described this as a “major success” for SSALAC.

Students threw fruit and eggs at council members when fees were set in 2009. VUWSA has received a letter from the university regarding their protest policy, which was addressed at last week’s exec meeting.

Campus Hub Redevelopment leaves students with limited noms

The recent closure of the Quad Kiosk and the upcoming closure of Mount Street Cafe in the Student Union Building have left students with limited choices when it comes to buying food at Victoria University’s Kelburn campus.

Both closing as part of the Campus Hub Redevelopment, the Quad Kiosk will not be reopening in another location.

Required to vacate the premises by 30 September, the Kiosk closed on 27 August, while Mount Street Cafe will be serving their last five-dollar burgers on Friday.

One student spoken to by Salient believes the closing of the Kiosk has already had an effect around campus.

“The food choices were already limited, and since the Kiosk closed, the queues at UniStop have just been massive. I don’t even bother going there anymore.”

Director of Campus Services Jenny Bentley says the university has ensured these closures will affect students as little as possible.

“The closing of the Kiosk and Mount Street Cafe has been timed to minimise impact on students. During this time, food will be available from Wishbone and vicbooks will be offering a wider range of food.”

Food options will be further limited when Galleria in Maclaurin closes on 2 October.

As well as the limited range of food on offer around campus, a number of students also told Salient they were disappointed about the quality of food available.

“The food is not so good compared to the drinks available on campus,” one student says.

Another student compared the hygiene standards of one food provider to those “of a 5th world country.”

Bentley says the university is working to improve this problem as part of the Campus Hub Redevelopment.

“The plan includes a number of quality food and beverage outlets.

“A lot of thought has gone into developing a retail strategy for the new Campus Hub. From student feedback, the university has been working with a retail consulting group to develop a mix of retailers that will create a more vibrant environment designed to encourage students to enjoy their experience on campus even more.”

A number of food providers have already been confirmed for the first stage of the redevelopment, which will see food kiosks set up in the Old Kirk/Hunter Courtyard. Hot Wok and Mondo Subs both won tenders for the kiosks, and the Hari Krishna kiosk caravan will be relocated from the quad to the courtyard. Hari Krishna will also increase its opening hours in 2011, serving food every day except Friday.

Students can also look forward to a new cafe, bar and gig space as part of the Student Union Building redevelopment, which Bentley says will be ready for the start of the 2011 university year.

A new retail precinct in the Easterfield Building can also be expected in future.

In the meantime, students will have to survive with the “pretty shit, to be honest” alternatives.

New police clinic on Campus

On Friday 9 October and Thursday 14 October students will have access to Victoria’s Community Constable Baz Murfin on campus.

This service is a trial for a regular police clinic at Victoria University, which will take place fortnightly, on the second and fourth Thursday of each month in 2011 if it is successful.

The trial service, which is taking place between 12pm and 2pm in Meeting Room One of the Student Union Building, will give students the opportunity to ask questions or get information, or to report a theft, assault or lost property.

The trial service has been made possible as a result of Vice-Chancellor Pat Walsh signing a letter of agreement and VUWSA passing a motion to allow police presence on campus at their Initial General Meeting in May.

Otago University have a more permanent position for their Campus Cop, who has an office on campus which is open five days a week.

Students wanting more information or to arrange to meet Murfin at a different time can email him at Barry.Murfin@police.govt.nz

Tactfully sidesteps students’ questions

Minister of Justice Simon Power spoke at Victoria University’s Pipitea Campus last Wednesday evening for the Law Students’ Society’s second annual Patron’s Lecture.

Speaking to a crowd of around fifty students and law school staff, Power spoke for half an hour on his experiences at law school, working as a lawyer and his role as the Minister of Justice.

As a result of a year spent in Weir House and two years as President of the Law Students’ Society, Power had a number of stories to share about drinking endeavours and what he called a “genetic need to participate in all social activities”.

Power described how his attitudes had been changed by his professors, many of whom still lecture at the law school and were present at the evening.

“I soon learnt that a smart answer and a quick grin were not enough to get me through.”

Power spoke at length about the need for both lawyers and politicians to actively participate in the law and its development.

“When the idealism departs, so too should the politician.”

He said that his role as Minister of Justice is one of reform, and that his views about the need for change are often controversial and not easily accepted.

“It is not good enough to leave it to someone else.”

Following his speech, Power opened the floor to questions. Students asked questions on a range of topics, with a particular focus on the government’s recently passed The Canterbury Earthquake Response and Recovery Act. The act, which was passed last Tuesday night by unanimous vote, allows the government to suspend provisions in 22 different acts without approval from parliament.

Power had little to say about most of these questions, except that he was “comfortable with all government policy”.

The talk was followed by drinks and canapés at Rutherford House, but the minister was unable to attend.

Sausage-Shaped Maze Built to Battle Obesity

Oh, those kooky Germans!

German officials have created a sausage-shaped labyrinth in the hope of addressing Germany’s obesity problem and better educating Germans about healthy eating.

The maze is in the shape of the popular German fast-food currywurst (curried sausage), which is eaten in the millions by Germans every year. From above, the maze looks like a smiling sausage with ketchup, mayonnaise and fries.

Visitors to the 2.5km-long educational maze learn about currywurst’s ingredients and preparation, as well as the health risks associated with the sausage.

Along the maze, visitors are asked questions about currywurst. If they answer incorrectly, they are directed down the wrong path so they learn from their foolish mistake.

Breakfast Cereal made with Blood, String and Tears

Tampon treat for brekky

A US couple are suing their local grocery store after the husband claims to have found a used tampon in his box of cereal.

Thomas Roddenberry saw the tampon in the bowl after taking a mouthful of the cereal. He promptly spat out the cereal, became nauseated and went to an emergency room.

The Chocolate Chip Crunch was purchased from the couple’s local Save-A-Lot store in October 2008.

It’s fair to say that this breakfast was Roddenberry’s most important—and most memorable—meal of the day.

Victoria Beckham Gets Curvy

… with her clothing line, at least

Notoriously thin former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham has recently released a line of clothing designed for “the curves of a woman’s figure”.

Perhaps realising that most buyers don’t share her skeletal frame, Beckham introduced the season’s curvy look during New York Fashion Week.

“What’s alluring for me this season are the curves of a woman’s figure—sensual volume and a defined silhouette that allows for freedom of movement.”

The clothes are designed to make women look and feel their best.

It’s unclear how long this supposed curve trend will last, or whether it will encourage Beckham to eat more than three bites this Christmas.

Man Claims 55 Children as his own

Who’s your daddy?

A French man has been arrested by authorities recently after it was discovered that he was registered as the father of 55 children to 55 different mothers.

Rather than actually bedding and knocking up 55 women, police believe the 54-year-old has falsely claimed parentage of many of the children as part of a money-making scam.

Many of the children were registered as living in his small apartment in Paris.

However, 42 of the mothers contacted by police say that the man is the father of their child.

In return for a fee of between 150 and 200 euros (264–350 NZD), the man registered the details of the children so the foreign-born mothers could claim residency and benefits.

Police say his registrations have cost the French government over NZD$1.77 million per year.

An investigating magistrate will decide whether DNA tests are required. The man faces up to ten years imprisonment.

Library staff have been left reeling after Victoria University’s Central Library was targeted by a student prank last Monday.

Early on Monday morning a group of students switched all of the library’s ‘Blue Zone’ signs with the ‘Green Zone’ signs, completely changing the colour classification on each of the floors.

The library is split into Blue and Green Zones which indicate the type of study area each floor is. In Blue Zones, students are expected to study individually and quietly. In Green Zones, students are allowed to study in groups, so the noise level is expected to be a bit higher.

Library staff realised there was a problem mid-morning, when a number of students responded angrily to requests from staff to “Respect the Zone”.

“I was so confused, usually there are only two or three students over the course of the day who don’t respect the Blue Zone, on Monday I’d had five whole groups of students engaged in loud, disruptive group study by 10.30am,” one library staff-member says. “Every time I asked them to migrate to a Green Zone they just looked confused and tried to tell me it was a Green Zone. I thought they were just having me on, you know?”

It wasn’t until morning tea time in the staffroom that staff realised the same problem was occurring on every floor of the library.

“I nearly choked on my biscuit! I couldn’t believe we’d been had,” another staff member says.

Following the discovery, staff worked quickly to return order to the zone system. Staff at Pipitea’s library were also advised of the prank, so they can secure themselves against a similar prank.

Signs at both libraries have been secured to stairwells to avoid a repeat attack or copy-cat stunt.

Students enrolled in POLS 218 Politics and the Media in New Zealand were informed last Monday that their lecturer and tutor will be absent for the last three weeks of the course.

Due to both staff having to attend conferences, the course will be taught by guest speakers and supervised by a tutor.

Head of School of History Philosophy Political Science and International Relations Dr Ken Perszyk says that the course and students will be affected minimally by the change.

“The course content remains identical for the affected period. Four of the six lectures will be covered by pre-planned guest speakers from media and political backgrounds.

“The only deviation from the scheduled course is that two of the lectures are pre-recorded.”

Students spoken to by Salient were concerned that these changes were taking place so close to the exam period. According to the Course Catalogue, the end of semester exam accounts for 40 per cent of assessment for the course.

Perszyk assured Salient that students would still be able to ask their lecturer questions despite the changes.

“The lecturer will be back before the study week commences and will be available to students via email while away.

“In addition, an experienced tutor will attend all lectures and be available during this period to assist students.”

It is unclear whether this had been communicated clearly to students, some of who expressed concern at the effect of the absence on their preparation for the exam.

“I am sure the guest lecturers will be great speakers… However, I do not think I am alone in being concerned that we have no lecturer or tutor in the lead up to exams.”

Other students spoken to by Salient were a lot less concerned about the development.

“It really does not change anything—we’re going to get guest speakers like we always were, someone’s going to fill in for her and she’s even going to pre-record lectures so she will digitally still be teaching us.”

Guest lecturers have been used in the past to teach aspects of the course, which has often proved popular with students, Perszyk says.

“Having these specialist expert speakers is a core part of the course and students from previous courses have rated these sessions as highly valuable.”

Despite the course content differing only slightly from previous years, Perszyk says it is unusual to have a lecturer absent for such a long period of time.

“I am not aware of any previous cases where a lecturer has been absent for three weeks from any POLS courses.”

Official rankings and a variety of performance statistics of New Zealand’s tertiary institutions are now available online to the public.

The Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) published performance data online last Wednesday, in accordance with the government’s changes to the tertiary sector.

As reported by Salient, in his speech at Victoria in July, Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce said that these statistics will help students better choose their tertiary education provider and will also act as an incentive for tertiary institutions to improve their reputation.

“This information, along with what’s already out there, will empower students’ decisions with the best possible information about course quality, cost, academic requirements and the likely impact on future career prospects.”

The TEC has also indicated that these figures may be used to determine distribution of funding, with poorly-performing institutions facing funding cuts if they fail to improve, the New Zealand Herald reported.

Tertiary providers are assessed across four main categories; course completion, qualification completion, progression to higher level study and retention of students in study.

Universities have performed well overall, according to the results, with high figures of course and qualification completion and course continuation.

Victoria University performed relatively well, ranking at or just below average figures for New Zealand universities.

The Chair of Universities New Zealand—Te Pokai Tara Derek McCormack says that the impressive results of universities in the league tables reflect well on the performance of New Zealand’s universities.

“These results demonstrate that our universities are delivering value for money.”

The results haven’t been as readily accepted by everyone in the tertiary sector.

New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) says that the results should be treated with caution given, gaps in figures and the limited amount of information provided.

“We note the government’s intention in providing more information to students and improving accountability of tertiary institutions for public funding, and believe that these are appropriate expectations of the sector,” says Pene Delaney, NZUSA Co-President.

“However, we know that students use many different sources and consider many different factors when making decisions about where to study, and the statistics released today only provide a very small part of the picture, and are therefore not as useful as they potentially could be.”

The TEC has also recognised the limitations of the online figures, and encourage students to conduct further research when choosing a tertiary education provider.

“It is important to note that this information is just one of many sources of information available to students as they make decisions about where to undertake their tertiary study,” said Dr Roy Sharp, TEC Chief Executive.

“Students are encouraged to look at provider websites for more information.”

Results can be viewed online.

Ranks fourth in New Zealand, 225th in the world

New Zealand universities are, on the whole, a little worse for wear following the release of the QS World University Rankings for 2010.

Victoria University is the only New Zealand university that improved its ranking from 2009, climbing from 229th to 225th position in the world, and placing fourth in New Zealand.

Auckland University has once again placed as New Zealand’s number one tertiary education provider, coming in at 68th position, seven places lower than its 2009 ranking.

Otago University slipped from 125th to 135th, while Canterbury University slipped one placing to 189th.

University of Auckland Vice-Chancellor Stuart McCutcheon believes the slipping rankings of New Zealand universities is due to poor government funding of the tertiary sector, which has also seen universities close enrolments early and increase fees by the maximum four per cent allowance.

“It is inevitable that as long as there is disproportionate spending – money going into student support, such as interest-free loans, and not into staff and facilities – that this trend will continue,” the New Zealand Herald reported.

QS World University Rankings spokesman John Molony said that New Zealand universities were let down by their staff-to-student ratio, which has been improved at other institutions through financial investment in staff.

“While this has largely been offset with a good result in research performance, it does leave New Zealand’s higher education reputation at risk internationally, as institutions and systems around the world increase their investment in academic staff.”

The research is conducted through several categories, including a peer review system, an employer or recruiters review, a faculty to student ratio and citations per faculty.

University of Cambridge, Harvard, and Yale University respectively took out the top three positions in the rankings.

The United States and the United Kingdom appear to be powerhouses in tertiary education, claiming every place in the top 17, as well as many placings in the top 100.

One student spoken to by Salient was disappointed with Victoria’s low global placing.

“Yeah, it’s pretty shit. I reckon all the rankings are pretty representative of where a country sits in the world financially though.

“I’ve always assumed we were better than Canterbury, I’m a bit gutted about that.”

The Ministry of Education has pointed to an alternative ranking that places New Zealand universities in a much better position. According to the 2010 Shanghai Jiao Tong University Annual Ranking of World Universities, based on the country’s share of universities, and once the country’s share of the world economy is taken into account, New Zealand ranked first in the world.

Changes passed in July under the Residential Tenancies Amendment Act 2010 will come into effect from 1 October, which could potentially have significant financial consequences for tenants and their landlords.

As reported in Salient earlier in the year, one of the most significant features of the legislation is the introduction of financial incentives to encourage tenants and landlords to adhere to their obligations under the Act.

As of next month, tenants can be fined up to $2000 for harassing neighbours, while landlords who provide substandard housing may face fines of up to $3000.

The legislation also clarifies the process for terminating tenancy agreements where tenants fail to pay rent, and increasing the enforceability of Tenancy Tribunal orders; giving badly-behaved tenants less than a month before skipping rent and playing dubstep too loudly may have dire consequences.

Boyd Wilson lights still on the blink

Students have been forced to walk home in the dark due to lights around the Boyd Wilson Field remaining faulty throughout the field redevelopment process.

As reported in Salient before the mid-trimester break, issues with the lighting in this area have been ongoing. Particular concern has been raised by students about the lack of lighting along the path that runs from the field to the Abel Smith Street end of The Terrace, where the footpath is uneven and there is very little light from houses and street lights.

“Once it gets dark it’s basically pitch black and often really creepy, because it’s so dark and quiet. If it’s dark I usually just take the longer route because I don’t want to risk walking that way.”

VUWSA Welfare Vice-President Seamus Brady and Women’s Rights Officer Caitlin Dunham told Salient last week that the university is aware of the issue, which has probably been caused by the construction.

“VUWSA is aware of the lights on Boyd Wilson, and Associate Director (Campus Operations) Rainsforth Dix is looking into it. She mentioned that the lights have possibly been affected by wiring issues during construction. If that’s the case, backup lighting should have been installed during construction.”

The delayed redevelopment of the field is due for completion in early October. Brady and Dunham say that the lighting issue should be resolved at the same time.

“They Boyd Wilson Field is due for completion in the next few weeks, and will include a new lighting system, which should go to some length in ensuring the area is well light and safe after hours.”

They say that VUWSA will continue to monitor the lighting issue with the Campus Operations Safety Team, who have identified the area as “a bit of a danger zone”.

When first approached by Salient about the issue in August, Brady said that VUWSA would be conducting a Campus Safety Audit later that month to identify safety issues and ensure university support in addressing them.

Brady and Dunham told Salient this week that the progress of this Audit has been delayed, but will be finished in time for trimester one, 2011.

“Unfortunately, because the Kelburn campus is so large, with a lot of students walking home alone at night, there is quite a wide scope for the audit, and is not something VUWSA or the University wants to rush.

“VUWSA has been in contact with Campus Operations about the Audit, and they have offered any assistance they can.”

Woman Plays Judge on Facebook

Fair trial loses out to status update

A US woman was dropped from a jury and forced to write an essay after she announced her verdict of a case on Facebook.

Hadley Jons was ordered by a judge to write a five-page essay on the right to a fair trial as punishment for publishing her opinion of the outcome before the defence had even started its case.

“gonna be fun to tell the defendant they’re GUILTY”

Jons was removed from the jury the day after the post was discovered by the “GUILTY” party’s lawyers.

50 Cent Marries Himself

Rapper 50 Cent announced to his followers on Twitter that he planned to marry himself at the start of last week.

“Good morning I was so high after the show last night. I got engaged I love me so, sept 6 I’m getting married.”

He then posted a picture of his engagement ring, a large diamond-encrusted gold ring bizarrely worn on his pinky finger, instead of his ring finger.

This romantic endeavour is just one of many of 50 Cent’s updates about his love life. Last week alone, his followers received updates about 17 different women, including two offers of marriage and numerous offers of sexual favours.

On Tuesday 50 Cent seemed a little overwhelmed by it all.

“Damn these girls got my emotions running on twitter. Feel like I did a motherfuckin workout. shit! I gotta take a minute to calm down”

Thief Leaves Nasty Surprise for Victims

An Australian thief who stole mobile phones and then sent pictures of his penis to the victims’ friends has told police he didn’t know what he was doing.

“I’ve been off me head for a while…so…on drugs, so I couldn’t tell you what I’ve done.”

Shayne Anthony Willis took a number of photos of his crotch and sent them to victims’ mobile contacts, including high-school students.

One victim was reported to his head teacher by a female friend who had received the image and assumed it was from the victim. The student, 17, had to explain his way out of the awkward situation in front of his parents, who were called by the school.

Willis avoided arrest in February by leaping from a second-storey window.

Finally arrested in April, Willis’ thefts amount to a total value of approximately $83,000.