Massey University made a boob of itself last week when it posted an illustration on its website that bore a striking resemblance to a large breast.

The picture, which appeared in the banner on the top of the University’s website, depicted a young girl reading with her legs crossed. Due to the phenomenon of forced perspective and some awkward cropping however, her knee, which is a lot closer to the viewer than the rest of her body, looked a lot more like her breast.

The University was first alerted to the problem when Massey’s student association president Ben Thorpe posted a screenshot and the message “Uhhhh… boob?” on the university’s Facebook page. The post had received 126 likes when Salient went to print, and led to an entertaining interaction between Thorpe and the university.

From initially protesting “No! Leg!”, the university eventually conceded that they had lost on this issue.

“Right. We’re not saying anything further, other than this: it in no way looks like any boob, breast, etc. that ever existed… because IT IS A LEG however, the masses have spoken.”

The controversial advertisement has since been removed.

In the latest chapter of Victoria University’s Kelburn stand-off, We Are the University (WATU) have accused Campus Operations of removing their posters from noticeboards around campus.

WATU were contacted early this month by a student who had seen a security guard taking down a WATU asset sales hikoi poster from a Cotton building noticeboard at 9.30pm. The student said he already had a number of the posters in his hand.

According to Campus Operations policy, students are able to put up posters on notice and poster-boards provided around campus.

When questioned by Salient, Associate Director of Campus Operations Rainsforth Dix said she was unaware of why the posters had been taken down.

“Yes we are aware of the allegations. We have looked into it, and there was no directive issued to remove any particular posters off noticeboards.”

A WATU representative told Salient that when approached, Campus Operations said that it was a night staff issue, however the WATU member spotted one of the hikoi posters stuck to the wall of the Campus Operations office.
The plot thickens…

 Free Media at Peril! Salient censored!

Salient was subject to the strong arm of Facebook’s censorship law last week, following its use of the gender issue’s peen-tastic cover as a profile picture.

The magazine was informed on Tuesday that the picture had been removed because it violated the website’s content policy.

Under Facebook’s content policy relating to pornography, the website wishes to protect users’ right to share images, by allowing certain types of content.

“Whether those are photos of a sculpture like Michelangelo’s David or family photos of a child breastfeeding.”

Certain Salient staffers were surprised that the cover, which features a close up of male genitalia, was not considered analogous to David.

The profile picture has since been changed to focus on the less pornographic elements of the cover.

University Looks to Nuclear Warfare as an Answer to Tertiary Funding Woes

Victoria University recently shifted its coffers into the hands of a bank known for investing funds in nuclear weapons.

Victoria University’s charitable trust, the VUW Foundation, recently appointed the National Bank, owned by Australian ANZ Bank, to take care of the trust’s $14 million funds.

In a report released by the International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICAN), ANZ was listed as one of a number of banks known to invest in nuclear weapons, either directly or through subsidiaries.

Also on the list was Westpac, who are responsible for the Government’s banking.

A list of all the other baddies can be found in the ‘Don’t Bank on the Bomb’ report at dontbankonthebomb.com

Te Puni Village residents have made it clear that it will take more than a recent directive from management to kill their buzz.

Residents at the student accommodation complex were advised by email last month that management had decided to enforce quiet hours from 10pm throughout the week, effective immediately. This change modified the rules set out in the 2012 Te Puni Village Resident Handbook, which set a later time of 11.30pm on Friday and Saturday nights.

Once quiet hours start, no noise must be heard from residents’ rooms or common areas, effectively forcing students to either leave the Village if they wish to continue partying, or go to bed. Residential Assistants (RAs) employed by the Village are required to monitor residents’ noise levels and behaviour during quiet hours.

Students spoken to by Salient said they had been told that the changes were made in response to two major concerns, relating to noise complaints from residential neighbours of the Village, and the health and safety of RAs who had to work much later hours on the weekend.

Resident Andrew Burns said that, while many residents recognised the importance of these issues, the changes had not been received positively.

“Whilst the majority of residents understand the reasons for the change, very few are happy about it and, in fact, many are angry. Residents are particularly disappointed by the distinct lack of due progress and consultation on the issue.”

Residents were not consulted at all, nor forewarned that the consideration of such changes was taking place.

This lack of consultation is of particular concern to VUWSA, who were approached by residents unhappy about the sudden change.

“Te Puni Village is their home and they pay for it. There is no question that they deserve a say in the way their community operates,” explained VUWSA Executive member Reed Fleming.

VUWSA held a consultation for residents last Friday, which was open to both those in support and opposition of the developments. There were 80 guests listed as attending on the event Facebook page when Salient went to print.

“We want to talk to students so we can then feedback to Village management and negotiate on their behalf. We want to help students get a better deal,” said Fleming, prior to the meeting.

Salient approached Village Manager Liz Iversen for comment, but had not heard from her by the time the magazine went to print.

Burns said that in addition to frustration at a lack of consultation, the changes were already having negative effects on the livers and social lives of residents.

“Since the change, some students have been drinking more, faster, in an attempt to get ‘drunk enough.’

“Many students would argue that this is “too early” to head to town and that they miss out on the Capital’s busy nightlife.”

Salient will cover any developments in this saga in coming weeks.

Unless you’re some sort of sociopath, or look unusually attractive in mugshots, it’s fair to assume that getting arrested probably isn’t on your list of ‘things to do before I graduate.’

Pope Benedict XVI is smelling better than a freshly transubstantiated goblet of blood these days following the release of his eau de cologne, made for exclusive use on his wrists and neck. Smell-maker Silvana Casoli said she wanted to recreate the smell of the German woods and wildlife of the pontiff’s childhood. To do this she imagined the smells he would smell ”when praying at the Grotto of Lourdes”.

Casoli has previously made scents for the general clergy, ‘Water of Hope’ and ‘Water of Faith’, but Benedict ain’t sharing this one. However comments on a major news site indicate that the public are less than impressed, with one asking whether the cologne is ”made from the tears of children”. Another asked whether it was being used “to mask the stink of corruption”. 9 Salient opines that he probably just wants to smell good while rolling about in the popemobile and avoiding condoms and eager nuns.

SARKOZY’S SON IS A CUNT

He was the smiling face on the inside cover of your prospectus when you first decided to go to university, and his signature will adorn the bottom of your degree when you finally graduate. But despite Pat Walsh’s presence at these land-mark points in every Victoria student’s university experience, you’d be hard-pressed to find a student that could describe exactly what it is the Vice-Chancellor does, let alone who he is. Appointed to the role in 2005, Walsh admits that, as an undergraduate, he himself “was only dimly aware of the Vice-Chancellor, if that, to be honest”.

Born and bred in Christchurch, Walsh began his tertiary education at University of Canterbury in 1971, where he obtained an undergraduate degree in History and Politics, carrying his course of study there on to Masters level. For his PhD, Walsh ventured further afield to the University of Minnesota. Returning to New Zealand, Walsh eventually wound up at Victoria University as Professor of Human Resource Management and Industrial Relations in 1999.

From an initiation to the tertiary sector through his naïve days of student life, Walsh now divides his time between his many commitments tied up with his role as Big Boss of Victoria University. With each meeting-filled day starting with a stint at the gym, and usually closing with some description of social event, it’s fair to say that Walsh’s diary probably puts most students’ social lives to shame.

Intent on finding out a bit more about this mysterious character, Salient writer Molly McCarthy infiltrated the ivory towers to chat to Pat about student life, secret passageways, and why he’s carrying out the role of VC like a GC.

Why did you decide to go to university and choose the course of study that you did? 

I decided to go to university because I think I understood that it offered opportunities that I wouldn’t otherwise have. I came from a family where… it was not common to go to university at all. I had an uncle who had done a law degree back in the 1930s, and I don’t think any of my other extended family had been to university. It was quite a big decision, but my parents were very supportive of me going to university because they saw education as a way of opening up opportunities.

In terms of the course of study I did a BA in politics and history, because those were the things that interested me. I was not inclined—whether rightly or wrongly—to take a vocationally or professionally-ended degree. I think I thought that those things would take care of themselves later. Of course it was a different time period. I started university in 1971, and at that time there’d been no really significant unemployment in New Zealand for a long time, so there wasn’t the same degree of angst about ‘Will I get a job?’ It wasn’t that they didn’t worry—of course they did, but there wasn’t the same career motivation driving your choice of study. It was easier for people to feel comfortable about pursuing things they were interested in.

What were some of your best memories of being a student? 

Being in the last cohort of students who studied at the old site in the city… It was a very magical place because of its architecture. It was very compact; it covered, essentially, one large city block, so you were very crammed in together— even more than we are here. It was old gothic architecture, it was a very striking place to study in.

It was even closer to the city centre than we are here at Kelburn… So there was very easy access to—not that there was the same cafe and restaurant scene, but there were the pubs, and plenty of things to do if you were a student.

Was there an equivalent of the Big Kumara in Christchurch? 

No. That was a different time period. [chuckles]

In your role as Vice-Chancellor, what are you doing to ensure that students enjoy a good experience like you did? 

Well, we’ll give them an even better experience! (Students are paying more for it than I did.)

On a number of fronts—one is on the physical structure of the university. Because enrolment numbers have grown from ten or twelve years ago, we were probably around 12,000, now we’re up around 20,000, that’s put huge pressure on facilities. We’ve had to really expand the facilities… we’ve put a lot of emphasis on improving the facilities for students.

But of course, student experience is really only as good as what goes on within those facilities.

It’s been a real challenge, certainly in the time that I’ve been Vice-Chancellor, because government funding has continued to decline in terms of the real value of the funding we receive per student. We’ve had to do things differently, and do things smarter.

…the review of undergraduate education, which the first stage of was last year, started to think about what kind of undergraduate learning experience we offer students… We had wide-ranging and high-quality input from students for that review… this year is the year for thinking about what we’re going to do with it, and what changes we might make. I think that’s quite exciting, potentially, for everyone, including students.

Were there O Weeks at University of Canterbury when you were there? 

Oh yes. 

Were they similar to the O Weeks we have at Victoria now? 

They were similar and different… It was a week of enjoyment and fun, but precisely the way in which it happened was different. There wasn’t the same focus on bands and gigs happening on campus. There was, I remember, a ball at a very large auditorium, I think it was actually the King Edward Barracks, and so there was a band there, but not on campus—that partly reflected the nature of the campus.

The emphasis was similar, in that it was an introduction to university life, you still had all the things about there are these clubs, there are these societies, you might be interested in this—so that was the same, but the way in which parties and social events happened was different. But they still happened. Similar, but different.

Salient’s heard a rumour that you have a walk-in wardrobe and a secret passageway in your office…

It must be very secret! Oh! Walk-in wardrobe? Oh! There’s a little thing in there, which, if you look in, you’ll see it’s an absolute mess. It’s where things get dumped. There are some boxes filed in there… And if there’s a secret passageway, it’s a secret from me.

Student responses to the line-up were mixed, with many disappointed by the 2012 O Week in comparison to Otago University’s O Week. This year, students at Otago University were treated to Shapeshifter, Shihad, David Dallas, Homebrew, and P-Money and PNC, amongst other big-name acts.

Many students also felt that VUWSA’s 2012 line-up was weak following the 2011 O Week, which included big-name acts MGMT, De La Soul and Ministry of Sound’s Tom Piper, amongst others.

O Week seemed to be relatively successful nonetheless, with two of last week’s three main events sold out, and Roots Manuva well-attended.

Last Tuesday, Salient’s Co-Editors Asher Emanuel and Ollie Neas and News Editor Stella Blake-Kelly donned bedsheets and spoke to students at the Neon Toga Party about how they were finding VUWSA O Week. Most of the crowd there were first years, many of whom were very impressed with how the week was going so far.

“We love it! It’s pretty good… Yeah, I mean, being drunk by 9pm, it’s pretty intense and kinda sad…

But it’s like, in O Week, you need to drink, go to an event, drink again, and go to town,” explained a Weir House resident from Palmerston North.

All students spoken to by Salient were overwhelmingly positive about the Neon Toga Party in particular.

“It’s going really really really good! Really really really really good. And my name’s Angeli and I do commerce. Will I be famous now?”

Despite the enthusiastic responses from first years spoken to by Salient, Victoria’s 2012 O Week had left others disappointed.

“[It's] horribly underwhelming. The Otago one takes a dump all over it,” said one student.

In a poll run on the Salient Facebook page asking how students felt about the O Week line-up, the second most popular response after “I am incapable of emotion”, was “Outrage. I’m transferring to Otago, even though it’s shit.” Of eleven votes for “Happiness” and “Contentment”, four of these were from members of the VUWSA Executive.

Despite this criticism, VUWSA President Bridie Hood remained positive about O Week when spoken to by Salient last week.]

“Orientation has been a great start to the 2012 academic year … It’s great to see students getting involved and getting amongst it.”

When asked why VUWSA’s O Week was less impressive than both last year’s and other universities’ orientation weeks, Hood explained that funding and timing constraints had been major factors.

“We started planning for O Week 2012 in the middle of last year. As you know, [Voluntary Student Membership] was passed in late September… So we discussed with the University about sorting out a contract; that contract took time to sort out.

“Associations and institutions have all dealt with VSM and the challenges that it brings in a different way, and this is the way that VUWSA and Vic have worked together in our new environment.”

In his blog, VUWSA Treasurer William Guzzo explained the situation in more detail.

“Negotiations [stalled] as the University [became] painstakingly bureaucratic. Emails from VUWSA are not replied to; people politics get in the way… [Association Manager Mark Maguire was] unable to get big bands due to not having any money to give them, as the University kept on mucking VUWSA around.”

Guzzo concluded that VUWSA had “done a fantastic job with O Week, given the context”.

This week orientation events continue, with VUWSA Clubs Week, Comedy Night, Hypnotist Show, and Sounds in the Sun taking place across Victoria Universities campuses.

As Salient went to print, the sold-out Mt Eden show appeared to be “going off”, with a sea of fist-pumps able to be seen every time the strobe light flashed.

Outside a female fan was heard yelling, “Suck my dick!”, whilst another stumbled into the Salient office, Blue V in hand, asking if staffers knew where the toilets were. Salient staff seemed disappointed when Emanuel sent her away.