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AuthorShit Chat

Author Archive: Shit Chat

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March 11, 2019

It’s our time, kia ora! Talofa! It’s our time, a special time of day. It’s our time, just you and me together, it’s our time—time to delineate exactly how to spot a Softboi™. We’re all likely familiar with the Fuckboy archetype: a womanizer; a “Chad”; an often-times conventionally attractive bro-type who’s hornier than Hugh Hefner. […]

February 25, 2019

Ladies, gentlemen, variations thereupon; it is with bittersweet sentiment that I welcome you to the third and final year of Shit Chat. Historically, this column has been a shamelessly narcissistic outlet for my unsolicited opinions and advice, brought to you by substance abuse, a strong disdain for men, and a healthy dose of my own […]

June 5, 2018

I vividly remember the first time I was really conscious of my body. I was Year Seven so what, 11 years old or thereabouts? I went to an Independent School for Girls. We did everything in pairs at this school. Very Madeline, in our elastic ties and gym frocks, walking two-by-two down Regent Street in […]

May 21, 2018

We’re picking at low-hanging fruit today. Let’s talk about sucking dick. (Dad, let me say it one more time: this is not the column for you.) Sucking dick is great, and boy howdy do I take pride in my work. Hell, I have wet dreams about giving head. As someone pointed out the other day, […]

May 7, 2018

Once upon a time I trained in ballet and jazz, I watch too much RuPaul’s Drag Race, and I tend to have a robust opinion on everything. It makes sense then, that I am an intolerable person with which to watch Dancing with the Stars. Who on God’s green earth are 70% of these  kiwi […]

April 16, 2018

Rosemary McLeod, a delightful columnist for Stuff, recently wrote: “The talking-point tattoo is a tricky thing. A waitress will have a whole arm sleeve done, but you feel it would be rude to ask what it means. You shouldn’t stare at it, but why else is it exposed?” I’ve got a couple tattoos. 35, I’m […]

March 12, 2018

It’s really easy for me to slip into a cycle of flippancy when it comes to talking about mental health; it’s really easy for me to deflect talking about the hard stuff with humour. There’s nothing wrong with that, I don’t think. There is value in escapism.  I do think, however, that it’s important not […]

February 26, 2018

Strap the fuck in and hold onto your wigs because Shit Chat is back for another substance-fuelled shit-show of a year. For those of you who weren’t privy to the mess I was somehow allowed to publish in 2017, the writing of this column is more often than not facilitated by a bottle of Fat […]

August 14, 2017

I was iffy about sexting, and about sending, er, provocative Snapchats for a long time, because there’s this stigma around it, right? Only sluts/hos/thots send filthy exchanges and nudie snaps over the internet! And to people they hardly know nonetheless!! Well, smack my ass and call me a thot. Wouldn’t be the first time this […]