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SINGLE SAD POSTGRAD

October 8, 2016

If you’ve ever seen the show Ugly Betty you’ll know that America Ferrera is off-show incredibly beautiful and the makeup crew had to try really hard to make her look “ugly.” The same with the first part of the Princess Diaries where, even through her bushy hair and monobrow, Anne Hathaway is obviously prettier than […]

September 25, 2016

As I opened a fresh word document and thought, “hmm, which fleeting encounter with a boy should I grossly exaggerate for my column this week?” I drew a blank. Tumbleweeds rolled across the vast, dry, wasteland of my heart. No unattainable crushes, no texts, nothing that could pass for even a pathetic excuse for a […]

September 11, 2016

Everybody loves dick. Or so it seems that way, when all your friends are straight girls who think they’re in love or at least getting laid. Long-term dick, short-term dick, dick they’re trying to get, dick they’re trying to avoid. Yet I cannot relate to the fuck boi problems attached to said dicks because I’m […]

August 14, 2016

Do you know how hot you are? Maybe it’s clear—you’re one of the lucky ones born looking like Kiko Mizuhara and you know you’re a 10. But does Kiko know she’s a 10? Would she consider herself a 10? Though physical attractiveness is at least partially subjective, a consensus can usually be reached on how […]

July 31, 2016

Once upon a time there was a faraway kingdom called Stockholm. Within Stockholm lived an Ice King, who was the coldest man in all the land. Long ago, before his heart froze over, he dated a super cool princess from a less faraway kingdom called Wellington. We will call her “Sharon.” Now, Sharon was planning […]

May 29, 2016

In my last breakup, my ex mentioned that we both needed to “learn to be ourselves alone,” that an extended time spent being single and focusing on me and only me would be a good thing. He even went so far as to make sure of this by making absolutely everyone promise to fake disinterest, […]

May 22, 2016

This week I have begun to completely lose it—sending insane emails to my supervisor, eating fortnight old rotisserie chicken, and bursting into tears after the last chocolate Wheaten—all because of a suffocating relationship I am in and cannot get out of. That relationship is with my thesis, which refuses to be broken up with. “You’re […]

May 15, 2016

To my friends who have been saying things like “Sharon you met him once” and “you don’t actually know him” and “you’re a huge creep,” congratulations, you’ve won. Your constant nagging has finally sunk in. I’m “moving on.” And to my real friends who egged me on through my many delusions, I could have never […]

May 8, 2016

Like all the women I know, I model my life to completely match Sex and the City, so of course the highlight of my week is Saturday brunch! Even though brunch can be hard when all your girlfriends are screeching about their boyfriends and you are like, ugly-laughing through your single lonely woman tears, at […]