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*News*

July 17, 2018

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July 16, 2018

Details have emerged of the publicity deal signed between “the Wellington Whale” and the Wellington City Council. In preparation for backlash against various changes, including shifting the main fireworks display to align with Matariki and reworking the public transport system, the whale was seen as an option for “good publicity” for the city council, said […]

July 16, 2018

Avalon Studios in Auckland is producing a live-action adaptation of Mulan. Scarlett Johansson’s request to play “every single goddam character” in the one hour forty-minute musical has yet to be confirmed by Avalon Studios. The studio has confirmed that Johannsson will play the lead role of strong-as-a-great-typhoon, mysterious-as-the-dark-side-of-the-moon Mulan. Johannsson expressed hesitations about accepting this […]

July 16, 2018

On July 5th 2018, the beloved deep-fried palace that we know as Ilott Cafe closed their doors for the last time, to the screams and tears of many students. The cafe, formerly known as Revive, Hangover Heaven, and “Fuck Yes Cafe” was the hub for all students with a craving for fried chicken, chips, and […]

July 16, 2018

With the new trimester beginning, lecturers at VUW have begun a support group to deal with one of their chief sources of psychological trauma: the revelations derived from YouTube autoplay. Leanne Shaw, psychology lecturer and founding member of the group, said “many a lecturer has suffered a revelation of their personal interests through neglecting to […]

June 5, 2018

Salient can neither confirm nor deny whether Kylie Jenner’s hot bodyguard is in fact Stormi Webster’s daddy, but we can confirm that Kylie Jenner’s hot bodyguard is definitely a DaddyTM. Salient still does not give a single fuck about Kylie Jenner’s baby, but is now extremely invested in Stormi Webster’s Daddy.

June 5, 2018

Victoria University is considering giving its resident lounge (a group of lizards is known as a “lounge”) of tuatara a larger role in student life after it was found that the chance to meet the tuatara convinced 35% of students to take the SERU International Undergraduate Survey. VUW’s tuatara — Hazel, Spike, Shorty, and Phoebe […]

June 5, 2018

New laws banning branded cigarette packets have come into effect in New Zealand over the last few weeks, and one tobacco enthusiast has turned entrepreneur. Ron Kellerny is the King Pin of a new, innovative underworld business that he’s calling “Dart Crafting”. Dismayed at the lack of colour and branding on his usual Port Royal […]

June 5, 2018

This week, rapper and certified drug dealer Pusha T got into a poetic altercation with Canadian rapper and instagram papi Drake, over alleged ghostwriting and overall talent. Pusha dropped Daytona this week — fully produced by Kanye “Say my Name” West — which addressed Drake’s ghostwriting rumours, Kanye’s mental state, and how the drug market is […]