Better Things to Put in Your Mouth than Chuppa-Chups
1. Starbursts
2. Roosters
3. Your thumb
4. Your best friend’s thumb
5. Yo’ Momma!
Most Sacred Things to North Islanders
1. Palmerston North
2. Coffee
3. Maoris
4. The Cook Strait
5. The Sky Tower
Needed Public Holidays
1. Steak and Blow-Job Day
2. Baggy Clothes Day
3. Catch a Nigger by the Toe Day
4. J-Day (VUWSA, you know what to do)
5. 27th of March Remembrance Day
Most Sacred Things to South Islanders
1. Shrek
2. The National Front
3. Rain
4. Incest
5. Yellow Eyed Penguins
Reasons why David Parker’s resignation came as such a shock
1. Lawyers aren’t crooks
2. We hadn’t won a gold medal at the Commonwealth Games for a while
3. It wasn’t David Benson-Pope
4. We’re actually falling for National’s holier-than-thou schtick
5. It was the same day David
Ways to Scam the Student Loan System
1. Borrow to the max and invest
2. Get someone else i.e the government to pay your university fees
3. A BCA
4. Be a student for the rest of your life. It’s a good little income.
5. It’s interest free! Spend it on something nice
Real-life cartoons that are potentially more offensive than the Mohammed cartoons
1. Holocaust cartoons
2. Aborto, the human foetus (he has a bowler hat)
3. The 50 funniest moments in kiddie porn
4. Garfield – How the fuck did Jim Davis pimp out the same joke for the last 35 years?
5. South Park
Throwbacks
1. Arnie
2. The National Party
3. Rugby passes
4. Religion
5. Special Olympic Games throwing events
Top 5 short people
1. Michael J. Fox
2. Frodo
3. Napoleon
4. Mother Theresa
5. Danny DeVito
Crap Religions
1. Scientology
2. Judaism
3. The rest of them
