I made my sister go and buy me some fortune chocolates from Iko Iko. I told her I’d pay her back. To be honest, I probably won’t. But I did give her a book in exchange. So nice of me—she just has to review it now. She was instructed to buy eight fortune chocolates. And she did. Here in the code-share Salient-VBC office, we devoured the chocolates and rated our fortunes. Some of them were pretty crap to say the least. But please read on.
“Someone will return a favour” 2/10
Judge’s comment was “boring”. Returning a favour is simply common sense. If you don’t return a favour, you’re an asshole. You may also find you don’t have many friends.
“The seeds you sow today, are your trees of the future” 7/10
Cheesy metaphors are always deserving of a relatively high rating. Points were deducted due to incorrect placement of a comma.
“You will enjoy success” 10/10
Any kind of success is good success. To get such a successful fortune is a great success, therefore this is deserving of a 10 out of 10. Success!
“Time to make some changes” 1/10
Fuck off.
“Time to make some changes” 0/10
Fuck off again.
“You will find a faithful and constant friend” 4/10
I asked a friend for their first thought when presented with this fortune. “It sounds like a dog,” was her response. Does this mean I’m getting a puppy for Christmas?
“People will look towards you for leadership and advice” 3/10
Someone was asking me for advice today. Serious advice. Only I didn’t take it very seriously. I had to put on my serious face. But while putting on my serious face, I started giggling hysterically about how ridiculous the notion of putting on a ‘serious face’ was. I am usually capable of providing serious advice, but it just so happened that the situation was mildly farcical, given I was being asked to provide legal advice to a law student. Hmm.
“To know you is to love you” 9/10
Awwwwwwwwww. It’s just so nice and mushy, bordering on lame, it is wholly deserving of a nine outta ten. So I’m in love with everyone I know? Or is it like “know” as in you know, “knoooow”?
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