Secret Diary of Pat Walsh

by / 06/03/13

Dear Diary,

Rough day today. Vicki didn’t notice my new schoolbag when
I arrived this morning. Perhaps I should go out and come in
again. Not a single compliment or acknowledgement of my
fresh haircut, either. Don’t they understand how much effort
goes into looking the same in every single photo? Consistency
is key.

On my way to the office a student stopped me and asked where
MCLT101 was. From his flippant use of ‘bro’ I assume that he
hasn’t read the prospectus. Otherwise he’d have recognised
my hair. We both looked silently at the map on the wall for
a few minutes before he wandered off to ask someone who
claimed to be a ‘Campus’ ‘Coach’. I stared at the map a bit
longer and looked at the compass function on my iPhone. I
wonder when O-Week stopped being about orienteering.

I’ve been weighing up the pros and cons of issuing a memo to
all students on how to correctly pronounce VUWSA. Pros so
far significantly outweighed by my belief in freedom of speech,
and fear of students and staff peering around and whispering
‘who is Pat?’

The media coverage of my recent announcement that I will not
be returning after the end of this year is absolutely atrocious.

My name is Pat, not Pope. Must get the Media Studies
department onto that. Vicki says that’s not their job. Well! It’s
not her job to tell me what their job is. Or is it? Must ask her.

Yesterday, I looked myself up on Google. Such fun!
Apparently, the role of the Vice-Chancellor is all about
coordination. But even I can’t work out how to get up those
new stairs at Kelburn campus without looking like a newborn
giraffe. More than a little embarrassing, when my go-to
speech topic is the University’s facilities. Then again, I believe
it’s good to expose students to new challenges. And goodness
knows there are lots of different kinds of stairs out there.
Similar, but different.

I’d better get some rest. First thing tomorrow morning I have
an important meeting to discuss whether we should have a
meeting to decide whether we need to take a vote on whether
I should have a Twitter account.

Maybe I’ll get there a little early and have
another go at those stairs. I can’t wait to see
what sort of hat I’ll get for my graduation
parade.

 

Love,
Pat xoxo

 

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