Worst sports:

1. Dwarf Wrestling (If you are a dwarf)
2. Rugby
3. Volleyball (If you are a dwarf)
4. Basketball (If you are a dwarf)
5. Dwarf Ten Pin Bowling (If you are a dwarf)

Cool things about being a New Zealander:

1. We are all so incredibly intelligent
2. Rugby
3. The lack of apathy
4. Sarcasm (see above)
5. The Black Seeds

Breakup lines:

1. “It’s not me, it’s you.”
2. “It’s not me, it’s my cousin.”
3. “It’s not me, it’s my cousin’s third form English teacher.”
4. “It’s not me, it’s The Black Seeds.”
5. “It’s not me, it’s that Barnaby guy from that boring band.”

Names for New Zealand:

1. ANZ
2. Human sheep land
3. The All Blacks
4. The Black Seeds
5. The Kingdom of Barnaby

People to have sex with:

1. Yourself, in front of Barnaby Weir
2. The editor of Salient
3. Your mum
4. Me
5. Anyone but Barnaby Weir

Sexual positions:

1. Barnaby Weir on top
2. Barnaby Weir doggy style
3. Barnaby Weir in a 69er
4. Standing Barnaby Weir against a wall
5. Barnaby Weir used as a contraceptive device whilst doing the rest of The Black Seeds

Let downs:

1. Your first time
2. Anything that is sold to you as ‘Awesome’
3. New Zealand
4. Your children
5. P

Weird baby names:

1. Steve Nicoll
2. Blanket
3. Rainsforth Dix
4. Potato Zoo
5. 4Real

Really long German words:

1. Straßenbahnschaffnerin (female tram conductor)
2. Verantwortungsbewusstsein (sense of responsibility)
3. Bundesausbildungsförderungsgesetz (regulation governing financial assistance for students of higher education)
4. Hottentottenpotentatentantenattentat (Hottentot Potentate’s aunt assassination)
5. Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachung saufgabenübertragungsgesetz (beef labeling regulation & delegation of supervision law)