LOL News

by / August 6, 2012

OLYMPIC SPIRIT FUELS THE FIERY FLAMES OF HELL

The Olympic Opening Ceremony had nothing to do with sport or Britain, and was in fact all about Satan, says British ‘Lizard people’ conspiracy theorist David Icke. Pointing to the location of the stadiums and their peculiar shapes, Icke claimed last Thursday that the ceremony was specially designed to harness negative energy. “

The Olympic Stadium is strategically placed on the earth-energy grid to tap into the immense London and British power centres.” While the rest of us were busy checking out Fiji’s flag-bearer, or noticing the strong resemblance Paul McCartney now bears to an old woman, all Icke could see was one big satanic ritual. It is unknown what Icke made of the 1988 South Korean Olympics Opening Ceremony, during which 100 white doves were released, and just minutes later burnt to a crisp when the Olympic cauldron, upon which they had landed, was set alight.

If a chargrilled peace symbol doesn’t reek of Lucifer, we don’t know what does.

AWOL-YMPIANS

A number of Olympic teams have been getting lost on their way to the games, for the simple reason that the bus drivers don’t know how to get there. Problems arose because a number of the drivers hired for the games received no advance training for getting to and from the games.

“I’m sorry, I’m lost. It’s my first day on the job and I’m lost,” said one driver.

Groups of US and Australian athletes have been treated to complimentary tours of London as drivers unfamiliar with the city struggle to find the stadium. After their fourth hour on the bus, shit seemed to be getting pretty real for the US athletes.

“Athletes are sleepy, hungry and need to pee … Not a good first impression London,” tweeted champion hurdler Kerron Clement.

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