The Week That Wasn’t

by / 05/06/12

Kim Dotcom to change name to Kim Dot Geocities Dot Com

On Friday the New Zealand government told internet mogul Kim Dotcom that they would not extradite him to the United States on the condition that he change his name to Kim Dot Geocities Dotcom.  Dotcom reportedly cried when he heard the news that he would be forever associated with late-nineties web design.

In negotiations Dotcom initially told the government that he would not accept the change but that he would change his name to Kim Dot Co Dot NZ in a bid to reflect his New Zealand loyalty.  However, the Government told Dotcom that he had “totally missed the fucking point” and that they were “doing it for the lols.”

It is unclear if Dotcom accepted the offer but as of Saturday megaupload.com now features a low resolution tiled background with a pink scrolling marquee that read “this website is under construction.” A MIDI file played that could not be muted.

Other names had been considered including Kim Dot Tumblr Dotcom but it was decided it would be too impractical to add a vignette and green tint to every photo of the 38-year-old internet mogul.

Some political pundits think the New Zealand government should revoke Dotcom’s rights the surname Dotcom altogether.  “Dotcom invokes trust and professionalism but we need the public to know he’s dangerous and unsafe” said blogger Aaron McCoy. “I think Kim Dotbiz would send the right message.”

In the face of the increasing likelihood that the charges against Dotcom are dropped the government has released a statement saying “Fuck it, we’ll make him do it anyway ROFL.”

In other news; Kim Dotcom’s decision to attend a pirate themed party has been deemed “iffy.”

Next week, Salient asks the question: is Government becoming too casual?

HEROINE HOLOGRAM CELEBRATES BATTEN

Following the recent return of Tupac to the stage in holographic form, many entertainment insiders have been busy trying to resurrect their favourite stars of yesteryear.

Never one to be left out, New Zealand has put its hand up in an attempt to take another world first.

Victoria University science faculty has put together a team to engineer a holographic Jean Batten to fly solo from England to Auckland airport.

Batten became famous for being the first aviatrix to successfully complete a solo flight from England to New Zealand. Now the team at Vic Uni want to help her do it again.

Vic is teaming up with Google who will be helping to run the planes through its new pilotless plane system that Google has been eager to try out. They will also be taking photos of the whole thing for a new project—Google Air—that will allow users to see what the airspace above their house looks like.

New Zealand has often prided itself for its equitable treatment of women and this latest stunt is a timely reminder of our legacy as the first nation to grant women the vote and the first and only nation to allow women work in a Georgie Pie.

The team at Victoria responsible for this include Masters’ student Kelly Hurst, who said to Salient “it’s really important that we do this right to celebrate the achievements of women everywhere. We are just so excited about Jean returning to the air one last time”.

“Jean made us all proud with her daring accomplishments and I’m sure she’s resting easy knowing she’s about to get one more record. “

At the time of going to print Batten’s family had not responded to our calls, though a family insider said they were “less than thrilled” at the fact that their grandmother was returning from the grave.

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