Viewport width =
July 30, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

Balls:

1 The Headbanger’s Ball… nah just jokes. MTV’s just gay
2 The Fetish Ball
3 The Zombie Prom… I mean Ball. But with real Zombies
4 The Date Rapist Anonymous Ball
5 That high school one I went to where some girl’s date hooked up with the head boy… no one saw that coming

Villains considered for the new Fantastic 4 film:

1 The Chrome Cod peace
2 The Pink Pussy
3 The Anal Aryan
4 The Black Guy
5 The production company for not funding the coke habit of Jessica Alba

Ways for Emos to kill themselves:

1 An electric bread knife
2 Huffing paint
3 Car crash
4 Face in a blender
5 Listening to My Chemical Romance’s Black Parade 20 times on repeat

Music Sub-cultures that need to fuck off and die:

1 Emo
2 Goth
3 Indie Kids
4 Punk
5 The Alt-Hippie folk collective

New comic book superheroes:

1 Cholera Man
2 H.I.V African American Man
3 Rohypnol. The memory loss superhero
4 Tipper Gore
5 Deth

Cultural Clubs:

1 Boobs. Brotherhood Of Ordained Bogan Students
2 The Men’s Group… well…if I could figure out what they actually did
3 The tramping Club…because they tramp
4 MAC. Meatloaf Appreciation Club. Well, when they were still around
5 The VBC

Clubs that are evil:

1 PNAC : the Project for the New American Century
2 Destiny New Zealand
3 The Sensible Sentencing Trust
4 The Police
5 BOOBS… Because anything Bogan needs to have some Evil running for it

Philias:

1 Paedophilia
2 Dendrophilia
3 Necrophilia
4 Glorifillia
5 Necro-beastiphilia

Religions:

1 Scientology
2 The Church of Satan
3 The Church of Atheists
4 That one with Kali in it… Hindi or whatever
5 Jebus

Things to do when you become president of the U.S.A:

1 Institute casual sex Fridays, that interns have to participate in
2 Fund the building of an ice castle in Finland
3 Hook your Playstation up to the nuclear stockpile
4 Ban all music that is anti you
5 Invade Bhutan

Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Recent posts

  1. VUW Halls Hiking Fees By 50–80% Next Year
  2. The Stats on Gender Disparities at VUW
  3. Issue 25 – Legacy
  4. Canta Wins Bid for Editorial Independence
  5. RA Speaks Out About Victoria University Hall Death
  6. VUW Hall Death: What We Know So Far
  7. FANTA WITH NO ICE
  8. New Normal
  9. Come In, The Door’s Open.
  10. Love in the Time of Face Tattoos

Editor's Pick

Uncomfortable places: skin.

:   Where are you from?  My list was always ready: England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, puppy dogs’ tails, a little Spanish, maybe German, and—almost as an afterthought—half Samoan. An unwanted fraction.   But you don’t seem like a Samoan. I thought you were [inser

Do you know how to read? Sign up to our Newsletter!

* indicates required