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October 8, 2007 | by  | in Opinion |
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Doggy Talk

The following phrases are generated by “Bawlingual”, a device that can be attached to dogs’ collars to translate their barks into Japanese or English.

My friend!
Tell me your secrets.
Bend down so I can see you.
Got some good stuff?
I have a secret.
I want something new.
I want to see the world.
Give me the stars and the moon.
I’m huge.
I’m dominant.
I’m beautiful.
I’m gorgeous.
I’m very cuddly.
I’m having a fiesta now.
Let’s do this all day.
I wonder what you’re thinking.
I’m feeling a little odd.
I have mixed emotions.
Are you my friend or my enemy?
Leave me alone.
I’m depressed.
Don’t touch.
Move back.
I’m above you.
Respect my authority.
I might bite.
Take your best shot.
I will not be denied anything.
I’ve never been so embarrassed.
Please help me.

You’re Beautiful…

From a November casting call for a Christina Aguilera music video.

CASTING: Christina Aguilera music video “Beautiful”

PIX AND RESUMES IMMEDIATELY HURRY, HURRY, HURRY: ‘This song is a ballad … the scenes that accompany Christina’s performance footage will all be beautiful vignettes … All different types of compelling people in many different situations, going from feeling their own personal sadness to realizing that they, and their life, are truly “Beautiful.” Actors will be asked to lip-synch a little bit of the song at their audition … some actors will also be asked to cry on cue.

ROLES

CHRISTINA AGUILERA”STAND-IN”: 18-29 .. Looking for a very close visual match will get her exact measurements ASAP but check out one of the thousands of photos of her online if you don’t know what she looks like … she’s very petite!!!

TEENAGE GIRL WITH BRACES: All ethnicities- … She is beautiful, compelling, and interesting.

MOM OF TEEN GIRL: All ethnicities, 33-45 – She is beautiful, compelling, and interesting . Must be a strong actor!

ANOREXIC GIRL/WOMAN: All ethnicities; 16-35 · .. Must be extraordinarily skinny … must look anorexic … Must be a strong actor!!!

MEXICAN MAN: 42-55 … He is expressive and compelling … Must be a strong actor!

HIP-EDGY-SEXYGAY MALE COUPLE: 18-30, all ethnicities. Don’t have to be a real couple … DO have to be hip, edgy, sexy, beautiful, and completely comfortable passionately kissing a person of the SAME sex in the video. Must be a strong actor!!!

30-S0METHING GUY:30s, ALL ETHNICITIES · He is very handsome, hip, and cool … the guy who loves to go out and have a great time on a Saturday night … but parties a little too hard. Must be a strong actor!

OLDER WOMAN: 50-85 … She is beautiful with an incredibly interesting face. She has seen many years and many things … Extremely expressive and excellent actor here is mandatory!!

THIN TEENAGE BOY: 13-18 … He is slightly awkward but still really adorable and kind of cool in his own way … He works out, “pumps iron” trying to build his physique … Must be a strong actor!!

STREET HOOKER: 27-40, all ethnicities – She has fallen on hard times (duh, she’s a hooker). Once very beautiful, her looks have become somewhat worn and faded.

WHITE-TRASH SHOP FEMALE CLERK: 40-55, Caucasian, not a caricature, not comedy … think Gumma or Bulb … works at a truck stop… from the “armpit” of Florida, so to speak.

WHITE-TRASH DAD: 40-55, Caucasian … not a caricature, not comedy … Must be a strong actor … from the “armpit” part of Florida, so to speak.

HIP-HOPGUYS: 18-25, male, all ethnicities … They are urban, young, hip, with total hip-hop style … must be strong actors!

PUNK ROCKER: Male or female, early 20s … Hard-core spiked hair or something equally Punk Rock no fakers no fauxhawks … want the “real deal” … good actor hugely helpful!

LESBIAN WOMEN:40s, all ethnicities … should appear instantly “feminist” … I know not all feminists are lesbian, TRULY I DO … but do you get what we’re going for here? Thanks! Strong actors a must!!

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