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September 29, 2008 | by  | in Opinion |
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Dude, what’s with food?

Dude, what’s with food? Many times, I have debated with my friends whether all food is gross, or just some. Most people are prepared to concede meat is gross, because noone really wants to think about eating a big mooing cow; it’s a whole lot easier just to think of it as steak. Potatoes and other root vegetables are also fairly uncontroversial, as they totally come out of the dirt, and that’s kind of yuck. Other vegetables follow, because they grow out of the ground too, even if they’re not technically in the ground. And they have all kinds of bugs and shit all over them.

Various processed foods are next on the list, because they are all kinds of ground up shit put together in a factory somewhere, that no longer resemble any kind of the ingredients that are themselves food. What kind of ground up shit? ALL kinds of ground up shit. Gross.

What’s interesting, is eventually everyone turns to bread as a non-gross food. Ground wheat is pretty weird, given that it is just grass that has been crushed and turned into something completely different. But, what’s really gross about bread, is yeast. Not only is bread made by shoving some kind of gross bacteria inside your food and letting it grow and shit and die everywhere, it’s the same gross bacteria that you really really don’t want ‘down there’. That’s right. Next time you eat your toast, think about what a yeast infection might taste like.

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