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May 23, 2011 | by  | in Opinion |
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LOL News

Local Sweet Girl Nearly Arrested For Being Too Sweet

In London last month Louise Willows was threatened with arrest for criminal damage and was made to clean up her offensive vandalism. The drawings in question were found in place of piles of dog shit owners had failed to pick up. In place of each pile Willows had drawn a pink cupcake in chalk and inscribed the following message nearby: “Dog owners, please clear up your dog’s mess. Children walk here”.

Israeli Couple Like Facebook Too Much

A young couple living in Israel, Lior and Vardit Adler, searching for an original and beautiful name, have called their youngest daughter ‘Like’ after the function on Facebook where users can ‘Like’ things. Apparently to the couple ‘Like’ was a modern-day, internet relevant word equivalent to Ahava, Hebrew for Love. The couple have previously called their children Pie and Vash (which is Hebrew for Honey).

‘It’s Not A [illegitimate love child with secretary]!”

Arnold Schwarzenegger has had an illegitimate love child with a woman who he has been banging in what the international press is calling ‘a rats buzz love affair’ which has been going on for over a decade. That’s ten years of The Terminator banging an old member of his household staff.

Harass Women, Win Awards

Private US security contractor KBR, famous for a number of several billion dollar security contracts during the Iraq and Afghanistan, has been voted one of the top 50 companies that women can work for by Woman Engineer magazine. Yes, that is a magazine. The odd part is that KBR have been accused of a number of sexual harassment cover-ups and are party to nine pending sexual harassment lawsuits filed by female employees.

Racist, Crazy, Wonderful Teacher

Elizabeth Davies, nursery school teacher from Wales, was fired in February for spraying pine-scented room freshener on kids. She would do this for one of two reasons, the first being if a child farted, and the second being if one of the Bangladeshi children in her class came to school “reeking of curry and onions”.

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