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September 12, 2011 | by  | in Opinion |
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Ask Constance

To add to the list of seemingly endless sex questions, I’ve got one more for you. I’ll just get straight to the point—sometimes when I’m having sex I pee. Not all the time, but definitely enough. And usually through my embarrassment, I try to hold back, which of course makes it tough to orgasm. If there’s a silver lining to be found, it’s that my guy says he’s really ok with it, and I believe him. It still bothers me though, so I did some research and there are two sides to the issue. One, that females can’t pee during sex and that it’s female ejaculate. The other is that it just happens to some exceedingly small percentage of women. What’s your take?

Oh bebe you’re probably a squirter. If you go wees before sex (which you should, and afterwards too) then it’s likely your bladder is empty and any liquid coming out from your urethra is just the fun stuff. And just to be completely blunt: congratchafuckinglations. As your research has deducted—only some women can do this, so basically woohoo.
It is really great that your manfriend is fine with the squirting (and why wouldn’t he be!) but I really hope that you can make peace with it too, because it really is one super skill. If holding back on the squirting is stopping you from coming, then that’s a big sign that your body wants to squirt—it’s part of you and being embarrassed about it isn’t making for good sex or good self-care.

Female come is usually clear, sweet/mild tasting and odourless, which is pretty different from urine so that should also help to differentiate the two for you.
I can’t stress enough how many non-squirting ladies I know who would pay to be able to squirt, and how many dudes and ladies work with their partners for years to try and elicit even the smallest squirt. I myself have done it once, and like some glimpse of ancient treasure I am trying my fucking hardest to Indiana Jones that shit again. We should compare notes.

Seriously though, own it. I’m the first person to throw my hands up and acknowledge that it’s patronising and insensitive to vehemently preach self-love when for some people it’s the hardest thing in the world, but I think if we can start breaking down the fucked standards society has (particularly for ladies and sex) then people’s capacities for self love can truly grow.

I bet you a lot of money that the reason why squirting bothers you is because (like the rest of us) you’ve got the message throughout your life that ladies must be immaculately presented during sex: clean, ladylike, hairless and contained. If you come, it’s an added bonus to ‘the main event’ which is the heteronormative male orgasm. God forbid you should make a mess yourself. Gush, even. That’s a glaringly obvious heathen sign of a woman having an amazing time and not giving a fuck about making a mess. Shame on you, etc.

Newsflash: sex is messy, it’s delicious, it’s wet and sloppy and fucking amazing. You have something awesome going on that people would kill for, so get to know it. Find a quiet afternoon, buy a dildo, put some towels down, put your favourite song on and go to town. Have some fun with your skill, figure out what makes it work and how it feels when you let go and enjoy yourself.

I hope this helps babe x

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  1. Kindsey says:

    I’m so glad I found my solution oilnne.

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