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April 23, 2012 | by  | in Opinion |
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Things You Already Know But Just Need To Be Told

You still never ask for help even when you really need it

If you’ve been keeping up with this column so far you will already be thoroughly aware of your own lack of specialness. You are an individual insofar as you are not biologically conjoined to any other fully autonomous being. Beyond that, you and me and anyone else who has ever feebly gasped the stagnant air of this dying world, are basically the same. You know this. You know that we have many more things in common than things that separate us. That is how empathy works.

Why you need to be told this over and over again, is because ignorance to the commonality of our experiences has so many negative implications. The rejection of your narrative-as-universal, doesn’t just have the already discussed negative side effect of making you look like a dick, talk like a dick, and shoot sticky white love-piss out of your head like a dick.† It also can also negatively affect not only how people see you but the terms on which you will seek help. We refuse to talk about or share our problems because we think they would mark us out as freakish or wrong or other.

But your biggest problem when it comes down to it, when we are discussing your childish insistence on your own glowing separation from others, is a combination of the two already discussed. You see, you think it is your problems, your issues, your neuroses that make you special. And by ‘special’ you mean better. You think that you are a perfect alchemy of brain-kicks that has resulted in the one person who can really see how things really are.

Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

You don’t share your real problems not because you don’t want to be a burden to someone else, but because you think that any true revelation of self will expose your secret. There is a reason you don’t like sharing no matter how hard you try, and it’s because, really, you are too good for all of this. And by ‘too good’ you really mean ‘really scared that if anyone helps you everything will be a problem and you will be fixed and then you won’t be you’. You don’t want to be fixed because, you think that will make you not who you are. It will make you—gasp, scare chord—normal. You do it to other people, you know that. A hammer makes everything a nail, a calculator makes everything an equation, and empathy makes everyone a twisted knot of neuroses just waiting to be unravelled. So no doubt people will do it to you, and then what?

Who will you be if you’re not your current mess? You know how sometimes you’re sad when your cold goes away because you liked what it did to your voice? Well that’s true for bad habits, little mind shits, and mental illness too. Except your voice is your personality and only you think it’s doing you any good. It is almost impossible to ever really comprehend how vast the gulf is between how you think you present yourself to the world and how the world actually perceives you. But it is massive. Really huge. Think about the amount of people you have ever resented for seeking help for anything, from opening a jar to a successful intervention? If it was anything other than ‘no one’ you really aren’t my target market. You do not judge change of any kind in other people so why do you judge it in yourself? Because you think you’ll stop being special? Grow the fuck up.

† This humble mag being made by and for students, I apologise for taking until my seventh column to refer to any aspect of fucking. I will seek to remedy this in the fuckture.

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About the Author ()

Uther was one of the two arts editors in 2009. He was the horoscopier and theatre writer in 2010. Alongside Elle Hunt, Uther was coeditor in 2011.

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