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May 20, 2013 | by  | in News |
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LOL News

XXX-TIANITY

A North Carolina family walked down the street naked last week, after the Lord told them—you guessed it—to get naked and walk down the street. Local authorities evaluated them physically and mentally, and concluded that “they didn’t have any problems, short of [not having] any clothes on”. Salient salutes the family for providing the first religious experience we can really get behind.

THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT A WAKE

Brighton Dama Zanthe, a 34-year-old Zimbabwean man, surprised friends and family last week when he woke up the day before his funeral—just in time for his presumed-to-be-dead body to be transported to the hospital, rather than the funeral parlour. Zanthe was put on life support for two days, after which he left, apparently fine. This is not the first such event in Zimbabwe: earlier this year, a woman thought to have died during sex woke up screaming after she was placed into a coffin, apparently preferring to fake her own death over faking an orgasm.

WARTS AND ALL

In nearby Swaziland, a new law bans witches from flying or hovering over 150 metres in the air. The law was put into place after a man was caught flying a toy helicopter rigged with a video camera. “A witch on a broomstick should not fly above the [150-metre] limit,” said Sabelo Dlamini of the country’s civil aviation authority. Many Swazi people believe in the power of black magic, which Salient has learnt is different to the NZL-32 which won the 1995 America’s Cup.

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