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October 2, 2017 | by  | in TV |
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Keeping Up with the Kardashians: A Celebration

Last Sunday, E! channel’s flagship show Keeping Up with the Kardashians celebrated its tenth anniversary. Even if you hate them — and I love them, except Khloe, whom I loathe  — you cannot avoid the Kardashians, and they show absolutely no sign of disappearing soon, relentlessly thriving like some kind of very tan plague. Below are some of my favourite moments from the show over the last ten years.

5. Kanye learns what the “Magic Stick” is

In Season 12 the Kardashian family go to Cuba! Everyone drives around in convertibles smoking cigars, while mother Kris Jenner grows isolated in Calabasas because no one can Facetime her. In an adorable scene, Kim, partner Kanye West, and daughter North, are taking a stroll while North clasps onto a leaf and a stick. “Is that like a magic stick?” Kanye asks North sweetly; “Babe, don’t say that. Do you know what that is?” says Kim under her breath. When Kanye doesn’t know, she pulls him in and whispers: “A dick.” For reference, “Magic Stick” is a song by 50 Cent and Lil’ Kim about how powerful their respective genitals are.


4. Kim loses an earring

After Kim’s second husband, the giant cardboard cutout of a douchebag that is Kris Humphries, throws her forcefully into the ocean, Kim discovers she has lost a diamond earring. Kris laughs and begrudgingly jumps in to pretend to search for the earring while Kim cries about how it was worth $75,000. Observing the chaos from the boardwalk, sister Kourtney’s monotone response of “Kim, there’s people that are dying“ is almost as iconic as America’s Next Top Model contestant Natasha’s “I just want to tell you that some people have war in their country.”


3. Kris’ birthday music video

For matriarch Kris Jenner’s 60th birthday in 2015, her children all got together to recreate a video she made in the ’80s for her 30th called “I Love My Friends”. In the classic clip, a young Kris sings about how much she loves things like her friends, family, Valentino, and church, over a montage of said friends and also hotel and boutique employees shouting, “She loves you!” A total banger, the video also includes photos of Kris and Robert Kardashian Sr. with O.J. and Nicole Brown Simpson, before O.J. murdered his wife in 1994.


2. Kim’s Playboy shoot

In the show’s first season back in 2007, Kim is chosen to do a spread in Playboy magazine, with her mother attending for moral support. While Kim does a pose that makes my knees hurt to look at, wearing only some costume pearls draped over her body, Kris coos from behind a camera, “You’re doing amazing, sweetie.” Recently, while doing last-minute gardening at 2.00am before a flat inspection the next day, my flatmate quoted this to me and it motivated me to keep going, even though my landlord was ultimately not impressed at all.


1. Todd Kraines

Scott Disick is Kourtney’s on/off partner, father to their three children, and also a chronically depressed alcoholic whose main source of income is doing club appearances, after relapsing several years ago following the sudden death of his parents. Over the seasons, Scott made a series of prank calls to Kris Jenner, pretending to be her nephew, Todd, whom she had not seen in years. Each call would begin with a high pitched semi-screech of, “Are you there, Auntie Kris? It’s me, Tooodddd Kraaaaines,” followed by Kris trying to make small talk. The long-running joke culminated in a reveal to an unsuspecting Kris, and an awkward dinner with the real Todd Kraines.


Special mention:

The Kardashian-Jenner family used to go on huge lavish vacations together that would always feature a homemade music video. My personal favourite is “Hypnotize” by Notorious B.I.G. Please look it up.


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