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July 16, 2018 | by  | in *News* |
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A Whale of a Scheme

Details have emerged of the publicity deal signed between “the Wellington Whale” and the Wellington City Council. In preparation for backlash against various changes, including shifting the main fireworks display to align with Matariki and reworking the public transport system, the whale was seen as an option for “good publicity” for the city council, said spokesperson Krystal Beach.
“We are delighted that we came to an agreement to brighten Wellington in the depths of winter,” she said.
In return for its presence in the harbour for a minimum of seven days, the whale was compensated with ten metric tonnes of assorted zooplankton, and two tonnes of krill.

The agreement, which was signed on June 21, also included a clause left open for possible future collaboration, such as a biannual visit.
The whale had to tour a range of locations on the Wellington waterfront from the ferry terminal to Evans Bay, and be visible to the public for at least 90 minutes a day. Other than these stipulations, its time was its own.“Everyone is proud of the diversity of Wellington, it is one of our city’s strengths,” said Mayor Justin Lester. “I hope this is just the beginning of more collaborations with rare wildlife. This is just one of the things that make this place absolutely, positively Wellington.”
Commenting on its time in the city, the whale said “I don’t get my ego stroked enough while roaming the Southern Ocean, attempting to stay in water cool enough for my survival, and finding enough sustenance. This week was a delightful break from my normal existence; now I can return to worrying about threats to my existence instead of the glossiness of my tail”.

Not everyone was charmed by the whale.

“It was such a diva, very fussy about the species of zooplankton. Pteropods weren’t good enough for it; no, it had to be copepods. Not worth it. Personally, I’m looking forward to celebrating the end of the contract with some nice fireworks,” said a low level council worker.

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

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He Tāonga

:   I wanted to write this piece, in order to connect to all tauira within the University, with the hope that we can all remind ourselves that we are a part of an environment which is valuable, no matter our culture, our beliefs or our skin colour. The ultimate purpose of this