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October 1, 2018 | by  | in *News* |
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“Know Your Mind” Shown the Door

In between changing the name and logo of his beloved pet project University, the Vice-Chancellor is poised to axe another VUW institution: the ostentatious slogan “Know Your Mind”.

In a forum announced five minutes before it began last Tuesday, Vice-Chancellor Grant Guildford announced the plan, which would go ahead “whether or not you bloody well like it” after a planned one-hour consultation period, which he gracefully extended to one hour fifteen minutes after multiple complaints.

The Vice-Chancellor gave several reasons for the change.
First, he acknowledged that the slogan bore “a striking similarity” in nomenclature to the popular website, which has led to a sharp decrease in productivity from those who land on the website by mistake after trying to Google what the hell the slogan actually stands for.
Second, he cited the overload of student health and counselling services, stating that the challenge to “Know Your Mind” has led students to seek professional psychological help, straining University resources.
Though there was little to no evidence for this position, the Vice-Chancellor said he “had a good think about it, and getting rid of the slogan was certainly the most logical way to go about improving the mental wellbeing of our students”.
“That and evicting mentally ill students — whoops, I mean removing them for health and safety reasons,” he said with a wink.
A third and final reason was the simple reason that “it makes no sense. No-one actually knows what the slogan means. And if there’s one thing I want to be remembered for as Vice-Chancellor, it’s my commitment to well-informed decisions about branding.”
The decision has been met with a relative lack of opposition, as few seem sorry to see the banal slogan go.
A member of the anti-change #StickWithVic brigade told Salient that “We may have struggled to summon enough outrage against this decision, but overall we’ve devoted plenty of political energy to stemming the decline of worn-out university branding. As for actual issues that students and staff are facing? They can sort that out for themselves, I guess”.
Alternatives for the slogan are currently being considered. Notable examples include “Blow Your Mind”, “Close Your Blinds”, “Show Your Grind”, and “Know Your Mind of Wellington”.

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

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