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October 15, 2018 | by  | in *News* |
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Tears Fall, and Sea Levels Rise

This month, for the seventh straight month in a row, the latest climate change report has been released to remind us that we’re fucked if we don’t act now. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) released their report last Sunday that explains how much global warming is actually “not here to play your little game”. In the next twenty years, it appears as if we will do irreversible damage to the earth. Not only will nature be destroyed and anarchy descend onto the human race, but your chances to play your childhood games from 2002 will deplete day-by-day.
When asked about his opinion on the matter, Callum Turnbull said, “Fuck, that’s a really intense question to walk into”. Following up to that question, we asked Turnbull if he would give up meat and dairy to save the world from global warming? “I guess my girlfriend was right again,” Turnbull exclaimed as tears fell from his coconut oil drenched skin.
According to scientists we’re not good enough to mention, global warming is apparently close to impossible to stop at this point. This is the seventh year in a row this has been a headline and it is clear as a human race we need to be reminded that we made some bad decisions and it’s too late to say sorry. I interviewed some other students on how they felt about this news but could not transcribe any of the screams or words choked out through hysteric bawling.

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

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