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March 11, 2019 | by  | in *News* Splash |
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Critic Booze Reviews to Liquidate Critic Magazine

There is growing speculation at Otago University around the relationship between student magazine Critic Te Arohi and its most popular son, the Critic Booze Reviews (CBR).

 

What began as a playful, fun review of alcoholic beverages intermingled with quality banter has turned into a bloodthirsty power struggle.

CBR has exploded in size in since 2017, amassing triple the following of its maternal magazine. At time of publication, CBR had approximately 41,000 likes on its Facebook page, while Critic had a measly 15,000.

Queries as to whether Critic is still a ‘real magazine’ have arisen within the student media network. Massey is no longer the central point of tertiary ire and skepticism.

CBR authors Swilliam Shakesbeer and Sinkpiss Plath have been commended for their recent ascension.

When asked about Critic magazine, local clout-master Callum Turnbull said only, “Who? Is that like a film review magazine?”

“I didn’t realise the Booze Reviews owned their own magazine. That’s really a hustle, good on them.”

 

Negotiations have begun, but the financial fine print is currently undisclosed.

Salient can only speculate which assets Critic has to bargain with, but experts suggest they may be limited to three remaining copies of the infamous menstruation issue, a half-decent designer, and a charred couch cushion.

Though nothing has been confirmed yet, close sources tell us that the magazine has accepted the offer in the form of a “brick through their fucking window”.

Tensions may have abated for now, but if they begin to rise again, the southern stalwart may face a coup d’etat of style and scale comparable only to Oedipus.

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