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AuthorGonzo the News Mole

Author Archive: Gonzo the News Mole

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October 15, 2007

In a shocking event that occurred just minutes before the final battle that would decide the fate of the world, time was displaced in an act of pure metaphysical angst and dilation, rendering the apocalypse an event so localised it affected one small commune of hippies in the East Midlands in England.

October 8, 2007

At a press conference at 2am New Zealand time, the Vatican’s head, Chamberlain Karl Sanders, announced that after much talk with the United Nations, they would pledge their troops and their secret spies that have all been involved in the hunt for God will be pulled out and added to the force that hopes to […]

October 1, 2007

Psychics from across the world agree that the end is nigh, and that the apocalypse is upon us. Next Wednesday the culmination of the Zombie army of doom, the now apparent arrival of alien hordes that have as predicted allied with the Zombie Army, will result in the fight to end all fights.

September 24, 2007

News broke over the weekend when the Tokyo police department released a statement that they had Japan’s most beloved mutant dinosaur creature thing in custody for questioning relating to suspicious activities and the possibility of him being an agent for the apocalypse.

September 17, 2007

It has been long held that the King of Rock died a horribly painful death in 1986 at the hands of the horrible warlord Suron during the third age. But upon a leaked press document from the United States Internal Affairs Department, it would appear that Elvis survived the whole battle and is now in […]

September 10, 2007

Breaking news loyal readers, it appears that in the world’s time of need and when parishioners are on an all time increase of nearly 1000 per cent, even in the wake of insurmountable odds, God has gone missing.

September 3, 2007

Scientists in a top-secret Nepalese laboratory have ade a startling find during the weekend – it seems that the website formerly known as Bebo is more than meets the eye. In an exclusive report G.N.M reporter Jeffrey Whelan explains why.

August 13, 2007

In a shock move that many claim is yet another sign of the coming apocalypse, the four horsemen who it was traditionally held would herald the rapture have been fired. The Holy See is claming responsibility for this shock move

August 6, 2007

It was long ago thought that the mighty robots that were the inspiration for the Hasbro toy company to produce a product that spawned thousands of battles with children on a miniature scale, had died out in the last North American jihad against fun during the 1950s. It would appear that we were all mistaken […]

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