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AuthorGuy Armstrong

Author Archive: Guy Armstrong

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October 12, 2009
October 12, 2009

First Lady Michelle Obama and Church of Satan High Priestess Hilary Rodham Clinton began fist-fighting at a recent party at the White House. The eruption began when the two were walking towards each other down a narrow hallway, and neither wanted to give way. “She shoulder-barged me, that fuckin’ bitch,” Obama claimed to reporters this […]

October 5, 2009

Man, I was just writing one of my other articles, and it was two thousand words long! I can’t believe I know two thousand words! I wouldn’t even know how to count to two thousand! Sum words = hard. Hard talk, and even hard think a swordfight, to elocute comma sometimes unremember what they’re even […]

September 28, 2009

It sure is hard making the twenty-five dollars I planned to have by the time I was a million years old. Everything costs so much money these days, food, computers, food to feed to my computer, even having a brain is expensive! Using my brain costs money! When I was a bit younger my brother […]

September 21, 2009

Welcome to, “<the>” Grammar[Z] (

September 21, 2009

You may have realised that Jackson is leaving this earthly dimension to work as a cabinet maker in a giant beehive, building things for the queen. I only hope he does not get stung. This means he will not be writing Salient next year, because his fingers will be all sticky from the honey. Naturally, […]

September 21, 2009

Odessa Where: San Francisco Bathhouse When: Friday 11 September Good? Oh yeah… If you’ve never heard them before, Odessa play garagefunk, with the funk of the Chillis and the jammy blues of Zep; they’re original, catchy and necessary in today’s CG music world. Hot, tight riffs, punky-funk guitar jabs, creamy-smooth bass lines with a bit […]

September 14, 2009

PART 2: “The Sexening” I was just reading The Oxford’s Puffin’s Penguin’s Collin’s Brittanica’s English’s Concisest Harper-Collinsest Rhyming Forwards Dictionary of Silly Websites when I just had to unleash minutes of pent-up rage I had been hanging onto for aeons; naturally in a confined space that conformed to modern Occupational Safety and Health standards in […]

September 7, 2009

Last weekend I decided to make my bathtub into a sailboat and hoon it around in my neighbour’s pool so I could teach them about sex. They already have two children, so I figured they obviously needed to learn a bit about it before they go having any more. I fixed my tractor wheels and […]

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