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April 9, 2019

Our frenemies at Critic are currently in a spot of legal hot water. Professional baby boomer Michael Laws is considering suing the magazine and the Otago University Students’ Association for defamation after they published something to do with elephants. Not to be outdone, the libellous hacks here at Salient have put together a comprehensive list […]

April 9, 2019

Local politics student, Savid Deymour, has publicly declared his desire to contest a fail grade after he forgot to attend the assessment.   The assessment on April 2 required a credible attempt to pass. Passing in itself was a terms requirement.   On that basis, Deymour’s complete failure to even enter the room in which […]

March 18, 2019

The following is a true account. It’s real and it’s not okay. It was my first tutorial at university, and it started off in a very normal way. We walked in and sat down in dead silence; the only thing connecting us the deep-seated fear of having to be that one kid who had to […]

March 11, 2019

There is growing speculation at Otago University around the relationship between student magazine Critic Te Arohi and its most popular son, the Critic Booze Reviews (CBR).   What began as a playful, fun review of alcoholic beverages intermingled with quality banter has turned into a bloodthirsty power struggle. CBR has exploded in size in since […]

March 4, 2019

In a watershed moment for first-year student Josh Smith, sources have revealed that he spent NZD$125.99 of actual real-life money on a brand new textbook for a 100-level Politics paper. Mr Smith reportedly walked into the Kelburn branch of VicBooks, assuming the relevant stack of glued-together paper was worth its exorbitant asking price. Witnesses told […]

February 25, 2019

On February 13, we were forced to love and leave our favourite 15-year-old in the cold red deserts of our imagination.   Taking humanity farther than it had ever been before, the Mars Rover (Opportunity) blitzed the competition for Best Teenager in the Universe for the third year in a row. Commentators suggest the win […]

February 25, 2019

MyVictoria has been renamed “MyTools” in the University Council’s newest attempt to rebrand the University. A Victoria University Council member leaked a ten-step plan titled “Now You See Me” for the ongoing name change battle. The change is the first of many in a string of micro-revisions to create the illusion that Chris Hipkins did […]

February 25, 2019

While thousands of new students partake in Victoria University’s O-Week festivities, not all are having the same set of magical experiences as literally everyone else. Josh Smith, 18, of Palmerston North, is reported to have only made a few casual acquaintances with people across the hall.   Meanwhile, the rest of his floor have already […]

October 15, 2018

This month, for the seventh straight month in a row, the latest climate change report has been released to remind us that we’re fucked if we don’t act now. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) released their report last Sunday that explains how much global warming is actually “not here to play your little […]