Words by Aries (he/him), Phoebe Robertson (she/her)
Aries stumbled upon his sugar mother through Tinder, with the initial intention of "wanting to be a bit of a slut." He matched with an older woman who worked for the government, and he only expected it to be a casual fling. However, in true Wellington fashion, she happened to live just down the road from his flat.
At first their relationship seemed like any other casual hookup, but things quickly escalated when the woman started buying dinners for both of them and taking Aries out on dates. A couple of months into their arrangement, she sent him a picture of a Lego set and told him to pick one. That was two years ago. Since then, their relationship has evolved into what Aries describes as "casual friends with benefits" where he doesn't have to buy anything. The woman has taken him on family trips to Christchurch, showered him with expensive Lego sets, and regularly treats him to fancy dinner dates around Wellington every few weeks.
While neither of them labels their relationship as a formal sugar baby arrangement, there are definitely some connotations present. The woman refers to Aries as her "boy toy," and Aries himself admits that the dynamic has some sugar baby influences.
Aries is content with this arrangement and considers himself a "recreational sex worker." He enjoys the non-committal nature of their relationship, allowing him to still engage in casual sexual encounters without the pressure of commitment. One of his favorite websites is Fetlife, which is a social networking site for individuals interested in BDSM, fetishism, and kink. Described as "Facebook for kinksters," FetLife allows users to connect with like-minded individuals. Aries frequently posts his own pornography on this site, simply because he enjoys showing off. On his profile, he lists "exhibitionism" as one of his top kinks.
One interesting aspect of Aries's profile is that he includes his face in the explicit images he shares. When asked if he has any concerns about essentially leaking his own nudes, he dismisses these worries. He explains that even if someone were to recognize him, it would most likely be from the fetish website and questions why they would be on there in the first place. According to Aries, FetLife is a closed community and only those who intentionally sign up and create an account have access to his material. This limits viewership to those who are genuinely interested in such content.
Continuing our conversation about sex work, I inquire if Aries has ever considered making money from his pornography. With the rise of websites like OnlyFans and online sex work, it seems odd that he still chooses to share his content for free. However, he quickly clarifies that for him, posting this type of content is a personal kink and source of satisfaction. He has no desire to turn it into a job. Drawing a parallel to his profession as a chef in the hospitality industry, he explains how he's had food ruined for him due to his day job, and doesn't want to risk ruining his enjoyment of sex in the same way.
He recalls a time in which he was invited to participate in an OnlyFans shoot with one other man and two other women. The majority of the shoot was between two of the people there, so Aries says he spent most of it (at a random airbnb) helping film the shoot. OnlyFans has implemented strict guidelines that anyone you film with needs to have an account on the platform, and unsure if he wanted to create one, Aries was content in the background.
He was involved in some of the filming, but he describes it as a mechanical experience. As an aside, he mentions one particular shoot where he lay naked on a bed while the actress "skied" with him and another man. He laughs when he tells me about it, but goes on to say that the experience made him realize he only wants to have sex for recreation. He wants an emotional connection or at least chemistry with his sexual partners.
He also brings up the issue of OnlyFans creators not having the same rights as employees and being contractors instead, which has been highlighted recently through the #firedupstilettos movement. Aries explains that if he wanted an OnlyFans account, he would have created one during Covid when the platform became popular. Currently, there are many creators with unique brands that set them apart from others. Though Aries acknowledges his own unique traits, he is not willing to risk his relationship with sex by turning it into content.
After careful contemplation and consideration of all aspects of the industry, Aries reached a refreshing conclusion—that casual encounters were the best fit for him. My initial uncertainty about his views on sex work was quickly dispelled as I found him to be respectful and grounded. Aries' perspective serves as a reminder that open-mindedness and respect can lead to a better understanding and acceptance of different forms of intimacy. Or maybe just the different forms of being a bit of a slut.