(Words by Tessa Keena - She/her - Te Ātiawa)
Kuia
Sometimes, I spend
so much time
looking in the mirror
trying to see you.
I make too much noise
putting cutlery away
and hear bracelets
move over your wrists.
When my knuckles get tough
from going outside in winter
I don’t moisturise them.
I run my fingers over the creases
like I used to rub my face
against your hands and cheeks.
I wish I could be you
standing in your pink dressing gown
by the river
and at the same time
be the kid running up to you
with a million questions.
If I speak from so deep inside me
that I untie my tongue from fear’s grip
I am as close to you as I was
when you sat next to me at dinner.
All these times, I am trying,
at the very least,
to thank you. All these times,
I am everything because of you.
Kuia
He wā ōna ka nui hoki taku te wā e pau nei i a au e titiro ana ki te whakaata me kore e kitea koe
He nui rawa taku hoihoi i a au e whakahoki maitai ana, ā, ka rongo i ngā kōmore e nekeneke ana i te kawititanga o te ringaringa.
Ka pūioio ana ōku monamona nō te putanga atu i te takurua kāre e monokutia ana e au. Ka pā taku ringa ki ngā hākorukoru.
Pērā i te mirimiria o aku kanohi ki ō ringaringa, ki ō pāpāringa. E popori ana ko koe kē ahau e tū nei me tō kahu ānewa māwhero.
i te taha o te awa, otirā, ko te tamaiti e oma ana ki a koe, e ui nei i ngā pātai miriona.
Mehemea ka puta taku kōrero i taku puku tonu, ā, ka wetekina taku arero i te ngau a mataku, he pērā taku tata ki a koe i tō nohonga mai ki taku taha i te kai o te pō.
Katoa, i ēnei wā, kei te ngana ahau,
Kia tutuki te iti rawa, te mihi ki a koe.
Katoa, i ēnei wā, nāu nei au.
Moko
Sometimes, when I spend
too much time
looking in the mirror
I can see you.
I laugh so loudly
at my brother’s stories
and hear your voice
echo off the walls.
When my body is able to move
without getting tired
I don’t stop running.
I go past the dairy and cafe
like I’m showing you
all the places I used to hang out.
I wish I could meet you
and ask a million questions
about the world you live in
and at the same time
sit beside the river in silence and
watch you skim rocks across it.
If I think about the way you will speak
I want that to happen right now.
You are so close to this world
when I sing or try to make things better.
All these times, you
remind me who I am.
One day, I hope
to thank you in person.
Moko
He wā ōna, ka nui rawa te paunga o te wā i a au e titiro ana ki te whakaata, ka kitea koe.
Ka pukukata ahau ki ngā paki a taku tungāne, ā, ka rangona tō reo e paoro ana i ngā pātū.
Ka pakari ana taku tinana me te kore i wherū, ka mārohirohi taku oma.
Ka pāhi i te toa me te kāmuri.
pērā i taku whakaatu atu ki a koe ngā wāhi katoa i haere ai au
E popori ana ki tūtakina ai tāua kia ui au i ngā pātai miriona.
e pā ana ki te ao e noho nā koe, orua tonu, te noho ngū ki te taha o te awa me te mātaki i a koe e whakaripiripi kōhatu ana.
Mehemea ka whakaaro ake au ki te āhua o tō kupu, ko taku hiahia kia pērā ināianei tonu nei. Kei te tino tata koe ki tēnei ao nōku ka waiata, ka ngana rānei ki te whakapai.
Katoa, i ēnei wā, nāhau ahau i whakamahara ko wai rā ahau.
E manako ana, he rā tōna, ka mihi au ki a koe, ā-tinana nei.