WILL IRVINE (He/Him)
Note: for legal purposes, everything in this article is alleged.
It has recently come to the attention of this magazine that our brand is being stolen. Loyal Salient fans will know that this magazine has been in circulation continuously since 1938. A sensible observer might think that this gives us the exclusive right to use the name “Salient” as a student magazine. Unfortunately, certain people are less than sensible.
At Harvard University, a coalition of socially conservative and cognitively deficient students have been running an interloper magazine, known as the “Harvard Salient”. You might be thinking - doesn’t Harvard already have a student magazine? You’d be right. The Crimson is a well-respected and longstanding institution. The poseurs at the Harvard Salient seem to believe that they are too good for the Crimson, and that in fact they are oppressed for their conservative views. As much as I wish this were true, dear reader, the tuition of Harvard is more than $100,000 NZD annually. At this point, whether you are “liberal” or “conservative” does not make any difference - you are swine and ought to be crushed under our feet.
Let’s recap some of the Harvard Salient’s more questionable traits. Take, for instance, that they recently appointed Alex Acosta to their board - former US Secretary of Labour who famously cut Jeffrey Epstein the sweetheart deal that allowed him to evade consequences for years after his initial arrest. Given their pedophilic connections, perhaps the Harvard Salient might find common ground with our local “conservatives”.
The current iteration of our Harvard imitator is in f
act a reboot. In 2021, the organisation reopened after closing down following a series of scandals. In 2002, the magazine’s editor declared in a now-infamous letter that the activities of homosexuals were “not merely immoral but perverted and unnatural”.
Not satisfied with ripping off our iconic name for the sake of some pale brand of fatherless cryptofascist politics, these charlatans have also besmirched the good name of Salient Podcasts. In 2024, they started their own show, with topics including the importance of the family and conservative values. While this is all very cute, the podcast doesn’t appear to have taken off particularly well. What a shame.
The biggest tragedy of the Harvard Salient isn’t that these people have wasted an Ivy League education on becoming staffers/blood-boys for JD Vance and Peter Thiel. After all, the purpose of these hallowed institutions is to churn out the very upper echelons of the professional managerial class.
No, the real tragedy of this magazine is just how pointless the entire endeavour is. Their attacks on the Crimson are rarely even dignified with a response. When they attempt to circulate their magazine, all they receive is complaints from students who view their pontificating as nothing more than an annoyance. These guys aren’t a threat to anyone - they’re just losers. When they look back on their rowdy Harvard years, they won’t recall the joys of wild nights in Massachusetts clubs, or that one sweetheart who got away. They’ve spent the best years of their lives at Young Republicans conferences, too busy posting cringe to make any memories.
