Words by Ethan Manera (he/him)
As the election draws nearer, political commentators start to wet themselves with anticipation, spout hot takes on potential electoral outcomes—but all too often, their commentary is unfruitful.
I wanted to speak to the only person with the ability to know for sure what’s in store for election day, so I travelled to Christchurch to sit down with psychic medium, Ron L. Griffiths.
Ron greets me from his well-manicured garden, wearing a figure-hugging floral waistcoat and chunky silver rings. Leading me into his mystical studio, he prepares for the reading by lighting candles and inviting spirits into the room. As we take a seat, Ron reveals that this isn't the first time he's predicted an election.
It was 2016, in Queenstown, where he claims he successfully predicted Jacinda Ardern’s rise to power. Ron says he saw Ardern “walking along on holiday” near Lake Wakatipu, and asked if he could read her palm. “I said, ‘You're going to be the next Prime Minister.’”
It was a big call, but Ron says it's proof of his abilities. “I stake my reputation on that election alone”.
As soft spiritual music plays through a bluetooth speaker, he pulls out a velvet sack of stones, known in the psychic world as runes.
The first rune pulled from his sack was blue, which Ron said represents the National Party. The rune was engraved with two people kissing, illustrating the party’s “togetherness” and unity. “I do think that National have got it together in terms of supporting each other.”
The second rune was pink, “slightly off, but I'm gonna say red”. This was Labour’s rune, and painted a grim picture for the party. “The runes are telling me that, basically, Labour just can't keep it together,” Ron stated.
The third rune was black and grey, which Ron believed represented Winston Peters as a storm cloud looming over the election. “He has been in a grey area for a while, [... but] Winston comes through and chooses National because they are just more together and Labour are at a crossroads.”
Ron’s runes offered a brutal verdict for the left, predicting a National and ACT government will reign victorious come 14 October. “It pains me a little bit, but there you go,” he said. “Chris Hipkins will lose the election.”
Ron went silent for a second, before dropping his next bombshell. “I get a feeling that Ginny Andersen, I think she's gonna be the next leader of the Labour Party.”
Ron says the Hutt South MP will take over Labour’s leadership after Chris Hikins’ resignation following the election loss. “She’ll give Chris Luxon a run for his money next election.”
Ron pulled out his “primo deck” of tarot cards, instructing me to ask the deck a question. I ask if there will be any shocking scandals this election, and according to Ron’s cards, we’re in for a dirty campaign.
I pull the Queen of Cups, which depicts a woman wearing green and red dipping her toes in the water. He postulated that this represents a woman from the left of politics, in trouble for her overconfident nature. “She's about to fall into the water,” he said. “Her head's in the clouds.”
As for the minor parties, Ron said ACT’s “time has come, I think [David Seymour] is gonna do okay, probably Deputy Prime Minister.” He pulled the ten of pentacles, perhaps indicating that they would get 10% of the vote.
Ron pulled the “rebirth” card for Te Pāti Māori, which depicts a child with a large rabbit. “Hunt with the hounds, run with the hare,” he said, meaning the party will “just go with whoever is going to be beneficial at the time”.
And the Greens? They'll do well, according to Ron, “because of the climate change and that type of thing”.
As the reading wrapped up, I asked Ron to shed some light on what percentage each party would get. Ron declined, saying he’s “never been a number cruncher”.
Ron’s prophecy may not provide precise percentages for election night, but his political projections pose tantalising questions: Will Labour overcome their runic troubles? Will Winston Peters return? And what scandal awaits the overconfident lady of the left?